Lessons in Dying
What I learned about living and leaving from Teresa’s legacy of love
Part of my job as a newspaper reporter is writing what we call “Postscripts,” word portraits of a recently deceased person’s life. Last week I wrote one about Teresa Rosebrough, a member of my church who lost her battle with ovarian cancer.
The day before her funeral, I went to her house to meet with her closest friends. We talked while they prepared for the after-funeral crowd of people who would come and eat, share stories, and comfort each other.
I was there as a newspaper reporter, to gather information about this woman I’d known for more than 10 years. To my loss, I hadn’t known her very well.
When Teresa was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer years ago, I wrote a story for the health section about the disease. That’s when she told me her goal was to live to be 50, so she could see her daughter graduate high school.
I never told Teresa, but after that interview, on every December 27, her birthday, I prayed she’d live to see another. I’m not good at remembering people’s birthdays, but hers I did, and last December I sent her a card. She’d made it to 50!
She died a month shy of her 51st birthday.
On the day before her funeral, I followed Teresa’s friends around with my notebook and voice recorder as they vacuumed and dusted and hunted for silver polish. I was struck by how many friends were there, so many they were falling all over one another.
I was also struck at the stories they told me about Teresa, about the depth of her love for them and theirs for her. Even before she was sick and knew she was dying, she was all about loving well.
One friend called her a “nurturer.” She loved other people’s children almost as much as she loved her own, even letting troubled kids stay with her family for as long as they needed.
She was famous for her girls’ getaway weekends, taking seven or eight of her closest friends to her condo in Orlando to shop and eat and laugh.
Another woman said Teresa insisted that her friends tell the truth about their feelings, no matter how ugly or painful. She counseled them with scriptures she’d memorized, and she walked with them through their hard times. She didn’t leave when things got tough. She stayed the course.
Teresa was the type of person who showed up on your doorstep at the exact moment you needed a shoulder to cry on and a casserole to put on your table.
As a nurse, Teresa knew the odds about her disease, yet she didn’t complain. She stayed positive yet pragmatic, preparing for the future, and for her family’s future without her. She bought gifts and wrote letters to her children for specific times: their wedding day, the birth of a child.
Her daughter told me Teresa wanted to make as many memories as she could, and that she did things like take her on spur-of-the-moment trips to Washington, D.C., or New York City for dinner.
“She was selfless and loved everyone,” her daughter said. “She’s who I want to be when I get older.”
In the months before she died, that’s when she truly lived, her friends said. “Every conversation with Teresa was one that mattered,” her friend Kelli said.
Before she died, Teresa told everyone she loved how much he or she meant to her, giving each one a personal benediction. She left nothing undone.
“Anybody can teach you how to live,” Kelli said, “but she taught me how to die.”
That stuck with me—that this woman died well. But that was only because she lived well, even before she knew she was sick.
Life is so short, and we—I—get so caught up in what truly doesn’t matter. I left Teresa’s house grateful to have been reminded that what matters is how we love along the way to the finish.
The apostle Paul said, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).
What a legacy Teresa Rosebrough left behind. She lived well and she died well, because she loved well.
I hope it’s not too late for me.
Who are your examples of loving others well? How have they inspired you?
Posted at 12:15 PM on December 2, 2008.
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That's how I want to live my life. Been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I haven't been loving enough in my life and that God is changing that. Thanks for sharing. I needed the reminder-life is short and we never know when God will call us home. She had time to prepare. I might not so I need to be living as I could go today.
Posted by: Karen on December 5, 2008
An excellent article. A person who has given us a true lesson in life!
I had a very dear friend who I used to do volunteer work with, who was loved by everyone because of the kindness of his heart. This man, despite his horrific nightmares of when he was in WWII, was very cheerful, kind, giving of himself, and loved children. I remember that he would always have a good supply of hard candy for the kids when he went to church, that when he went home to be with the Lord, the kids all knew something was wrong. "Where's Mike they would ask?"
Myself, when I heard that he had died my heart sank deep, knowing that I would never again see him in this life, but the message he left me (and everyone) was no doubt indellible; to love one another, and not take each other for granted because they might not be here tomorrow!
Posted by: Katelynn on December 5, 2008
I hope that people remember me after I am gone in the same manner they remember Teresa.
My second husband died less than three years after we married, without warning, without any physical symptoms. It taught me that we are not promised tomorrow--today may be our last.
I work to make memories for my children and grandchildren, to let ALL those who I love know how much I love them, telling them often, and telling them in ways beyond words.
And most of all, I work to remain close with the Lord, because I know that day of meeting Him face to face is coming. The more I know about Him, the greater my awe that He would save me, forgive me and love me enough to die for me! Oh how I love Jesus!!
Posted by: Kathi on December 5, 2008
Very courages women.May GOD give strength to all to have such positive attitude. My sister too died of cancer she too was a brave women.
Posted by: meenusing on December 6, 2008
I'm amazed at how the story of Theresa parallel's my sister's story. She, too, lost a vallient fight to ovarian cancer. In her case, it was a few months shy of her 50th birthday and her 25th anniversary. She left a husband and 10 children. She, too, was a continual nurturer, but not only to her family. She reached out to neighbors and families in need, mentoring and counseling for marriage and family issues. She worked closely with organizations that helped find homes in the US for orphans internationally. I was close to my sister and thought I knew all she did when she was alive, but I learned of many more of her efforts and work at her memorial. Even on the day she died, she was counceling her children. She left an impression on so many, many more than I know, and her work continues, too. An orphanage is being built for babies in the Philippines. It will be named Bonnie's Heart Baby Home, in memory of my sister. Anyone interested can read more about it on the www.SacredPortion.org web page. You can find it under the Rehoboth Expansion Project. She lived well and loved well. I miss her dearly but know that I will see her again, and that she is with the Lord.
Posted by: Betty on December 6, 2008
This article was timely for me. A dear friend of mine died Friday. She was 94 years old. Which proves that the good don't always young. This lady was as close to a real Christian as anyone I've ever known. Se lived simple, but she lived the gospel. Nothing spectacular, but oh so extraordinary. She will be missed.
Nelda
Posted by: Nelda Gregory on December 6, 2008
How true, I keep saying we never know how to live until we can face the reality of our death. I first heard that statement during my first psychology class in college. I was horrified, but more than 20 years later, I have found it to be true.
I lost a dear friend in 2003 from cancer. She was a lovely person and had lived with the disease for 14 years. She has asked God to let her see her kids through teenage and by the time she died they were both in their mid-teens. She prepared them well and today 5 years later, they are still strong. She prepared me too, because I did not understand how a wonderful young mother could be faced with the certainty of death. But because of her, I am braver and more accepting that I should be ready too when the call comes. I have also realised that I need to let Christ be seen in my life when I am alive since I will not be able to do that when I am gone. I thank God for such faithful servants of his.
Posted by: Kas on December 11, 2008
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 2 years ago and it has come back. I now truly understand that tomorrow is not promised and the sweetness of this life is a gift from God. This time on earth is so brief, eternity is unfathomable. I believe this experience is helping me to reconcile with God and be able to face death unafraid. I continue to work on my relationship with God and pray that when the time comes I will be fully convinced of his love for me and be ready to leave this world and meet Jesus face to face.
Posted by: Joanne on December 21, 2008
Thank you so much for your article. I am a 3 1/2 year survivor of ovarian cancer and will be celebrating my 40th birthday in 4 days (Dec 26th). When I was first diagnosed, that was probably one of the few things that kept me going - wanting to make it to this milestone. And yes, you better believe I am having one big party to celebrate! The good Lord only knows how many days and years I have left in me - thankfully I have had no recurrances yet. I too hope that if the day does come that the dr's tell me I'm terminal that I too can teach people how to "die well".
Posted by: LeAnn on December 22, 2008