Longing for Judgment
I look forward to the moment when, though worthless, I’ll be made worthy of God’s love.
A couple of my Christian friends have told me they worry about being judged before God at the end of time, as the apostle Paul says will happen in 2 Corinthians 5:10: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that everyone may receive what is due them for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” One friend still anguishes over sins she committed long before she became a Christian. I argue in vain that these sins—along with every sin she’s committed since then and will commit later—vanished from God’s notice for all time when she accepted Jesus’ death in payment for them.
“I know they won’t keep me from heaven,” she explains. “But still. I did evil, and I know I’ll be held accountable for it in the end.”
My other friend worries more about her sins of omission: namely, that she hasn’t done enough good and therefore won’t have many crowns to cast before Jesus. So, she works tirelessly for God by leading Bible study groups and taking frozen meals to elderly homebound acquaintances.
Both friends know the same good news—that God’s mercy outbalances his anger and Jesus’ death renders us entirely sinless in God’s eyes—that I heard when I became a Christian. Indeed, these two friends were among the ones who taught me the gospel in the first place. Nevertheless, they take to heart the parable about the worker who buried the money entrusted to him instead of investing and multiplying it, as his commended comrades did. My friends worry they’ll earn, at best, a low place on the totem pole of God’s favor.
I feel lazy and complacent compared to my friends—not just these two, but most of my Christian acquaintances. I wish I worried about such matters—the sins of my past, the spiritual idleness of my current life, my ultimate rank in God’s kingdom. I wish that I did the good things I see my friends do, and that I took Scripture’s warnings as ardently to heart. I wish I were, in short, a better person. More certain in my faith. More active in working it out.
Alas. Most days, I struggle just to be nice to the ones I love. My mother-in-law, for instance—a lonely widow with all the habits of an 85-year-old. She’s probably the most guileless person I’ve ever met and entirely devoted to my family’s and my happiness. Nevertheless, I have to force myself to spend time with her. And, when I’m with her, being forgiving and loving—as I hope someone will be to me in my old age—is a trial. Instead of focusing on her many sweetnesses of character and selfless dedication to my family, I seethe that she doesn’t wear her hearing aid or that she repeats a tedious story four times or that she acts horrified when I let my 14-year-old daughter stay home alone while my husband and I go out to dinner.
If my mother-in-law notices my surliness or impatience, she doesn’t let on. Her very ignorance of my mean thoughts is a judgment on me, transforming my good deed of spending time with her into one of those “filthy rags” even our most righteous acts amount to, according to Isaiah 64:6. Every visit with her previews the Day of the Lord.
Here’s my personal vision of that day. God, in the form of my mother-in-law, stands before me. She beckons to me, offers me a plate of her chewy biscuits and a cup of bad coffee, and smiles her sweet crazy smile of welcome—the same smile of pure joy she smiles at me whenever I visit. Heaven, in my estimation, will be the ability to share that joy, unadulterated by pique and arrogance, boredom and guilt. To be genuinely glad to see her. To love her completely, as God already, amazingly, loves us both.
I don’t fear the Day of Judgment, although I probably should. The disciples certainly did. They were always asking Jesus worried questions about it. As for me, though, I wait in hope for that day. For that moment when, in a flash of God’s power, I’ll be made kind and good. For the moment when, though worthless in my own power, I’ll nevertheless be—for the first time, for all time—worthy of God’s love.
Blessings,
Posted at 2:36 PM on July 9, 2008.
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Patty--
I love this blog! A kindred spirit you are. I tend to be a spiritual slug.
But like your friends, I used to fret and worry about my sin and what the judgment of God would be like at the last day, but that's before I understood grace. Not that I do completely, but more than I once did.
Here's how I see it: If Jesus has taken ALL my sin upon himself and if his blood has paid for ALL my sin, then it's canceled and I have his righteousness in its place.
That means, when I stand before God, he only sees Christ's good and most perfect work. As far as God is concerned, my sin doesn't exist.
Whatever the last judgment will be like, I don't think it will be humiliating or shameful. I think I'll just stand there agreeing with God that I'm a wretch, but hallelujah, I'm in Christ!
At my church we say that, because of Jesus, God smiles on us.
He's really smiling at Jesus, but he smiles at us, too, because we're covered with his Son.
That leaves no room for worrying about our sin and instead gives us the freedom to do wild and radical things in Jesus' name.
Posted by: nancy kennedy on July 9, 2008
this is a great blog! you know i talked in one bible study how Our sins are going to be revealed as if we are watching a TV screen; each one looking at how horrible they have been while on earth!later on I preached another gospel of justification, one convert asked me if I still remember my first teaching! seriously I had forgot! but amazing enough I was able to convice them that God sees us in Christ not according to the flesh.
thank you for this confirmation
from Les
Posted by: Robert on July 11, 2008
For years I struggled with this same concept; I saw in my imagination a terrible scene, with God laying out all of the sins I've ever committed--even those after I accepted Christ--and all the host of Heaven either laughing and pointing or booing and hissing. Then at the end, I pictured God saying, 'BUT you believe in my Son, so you're welcome.' Sort of like the most horrible cross-examination anyone on Law and Order ever thought of...
Then I told my pastor--a loving, kind person who sees me as one of his kids, since I'm only ten years older than his daughters--about this fear, and he was quick to reassure me that because I believe, my sin is gone. FOREVER. I bear it no more.
Some days I believe that more than others =) but I'm finally beginning to see just how amazing grace really is.
And yes, I too long for that day when giving grace to others is effortless, and I no longer have to worry about 'being good' anymore, because I will be perfect!
Posted by: Melissa on July 11, 2008
Thank you for writing this - as it reveals to me how many people outside of my own circle of Christian friends struggle with what judgment means when we've been assured "there is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." (Rom 8:1)
These accusations against God are spiritual warfare - the same tactics the enemy used against Eve. The enemy use these accusations to immobilize God's army. As long as I am focused on myself, I cannot be focused on others or on God's will for my life.
The bible refers to changing our mindset quite frequently. When you are worrying about what will happen to you on judgment day - your mindset is all on you. I encourage you to change your focus onto Jesus and the Cross.
Instead of thinking that you need to join in with your friend's and worry about your position before God, assure them of theirs. Read Romans 8 together - talk about what "no condemnation means." Find the other passages that all agree with this one - we are changed - when God looks at us, He sees Christ. Then praise him for it. Praise him, praise him, praise him. You will be a beacon to the world because you will fully grasp His grace.
Posted by: PBodanza on July 12, 2008
Amen to God's grace. Let's us not think of what has passed but strive to build God's ministry on earth.
"Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ jesus." - Phil 3:13-14 (NIV).
Posted by: TK on July 13, 2008
I, too, have had fears of Judgement Day, but are not bothered by them as much anymore. Your earlier comments seem so "right on". I believe that God has removed our sins & they are remembered no more. I think that there will always be a tension in the here & now though, as we continue to be convicted of our sin, as God continues to teach us His way. I have often wished that I were one of the sweet souls that is continuously serving & doing good. Not only do I wish that I were more like that, but I have an irritation at some who are. I pray for a more welcoming spirit.
Posted by: gigi on July 13, 2008
you are so blessed.
i pray i can relate so well with my mom in law.
i newly lost my own mom.
Posted by: titi on July 14, 2008
I used to be afraid of this and of the rapture. But now I know that being afraid is something that we are commanded not to be. Now this may be out of context but how many times in the Bible does it say "fear not"? I am excited now to know that Christ could come any day now ans soon I will meet this man that people talk so good about. Soon I will no longer have to struggle with my sins or my fears or worries that I am instructed not to do. Soon we will see this event take place in one form or another. THis life altering event that the whole world will see and those that have lived before us. I feel like I am waiting to meet a long distance boyfriend in a sense. I mean that is the only way to explain it. I can't wait to see the love and to feel the comfort that this trio will provide. The love and comfort we feel here on Earth is nothing like that. There is so much more to my existance then this life. I can not wait to understand all that that is and has happened in this world. And I know that God sent his son so that we can be excited. I may just be a servent in Heaven but then again the Bible pretty much says for us to be a servent in a sense is the altimate goal. To even be a servent in Heaven is better then being here on Earth. I used to think won't Ii be home sick for Earth there are so many beutiful things in Earth. But then I studied the word more and realized I know nothing about anything and not to worry about that. I noww just try to see Christ in everything because I want to see him so bad. Age is nothing. The older we get the closer we are to God in wisdom, faith and "years".
So don't worry or be afraid Christ has got your back.
With love,
Your sister in Christ
Posted by: HOMEFIRST on July 16, 2008
There was a period in my life when I was full of doubts. (I became a Christian as a child, but now I was questioning everything I believed) So, I too, feared that God would (1) pull up all of my fears/my questioning/my sins on His computer in the sky. Then, I would overhear other believers and people from my church say, "I really suspected this of her." But, God took me on a journey. In stage (2): I wanted to ask God the big "Why" questions over losses of significant people in my life. Why the pain, sorrow?
stage (3): I would look into His eyes..and suddenly "know" the whys? Fully understanding His purposes. And finally stage (4): I would fall prostrate before Him and cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Most high." It was a wonderful journey God took me on! I'm at peace.
Posted by: Lulu on August 2, 2008
Lulu,
Some years ago I took a course in spiritual formation and learned about the classical model of spiritual development, which comprises four stages: awakening, purgation, illumination, union. Different theologians call the stages different things, and some identify only three. It excited me to find that the model described my own journey as a believer, although I would label the stages differently--namely, longing, struggling, learning, and resting. These stages of the journey can--and, judging from my own experience and that of just about every biblical believer's, do--repeat themselves, not necessarily in order, throughout the a person's spiritual career. Your journey pretty much maps these models. So, anyway, ahoy fellow traveler!
Posted by: patty kirk on August 5, 2008
I am 75 years old and have struggled with this same problem all of my lifie. I was raised in a Christian home and have loved the lord since my youth. This article made is so clear that I feel "free at last." However, I also feel we must never cease striving to be all that God wants us to be and that includes working on those areas of weakness.
Thank you to the author!!! God bless you.
Posted by: Dorothy on August 5, 2008