Bitter Roots
Nurturing and wrenching out discontent at work
I recently quarreled with coworkers about financial gain and the Christian nature of our work. As often happens to me in Christian work settings, those in charge of what I thought was paid labor considered it volunteer work. The conflict undermined my contentment at work. So, as soon as I finished the project, I retreated from the scene. I was pleasant to all involved but evaded follow-up meetings and related e-mails. I pretended to myself I didn’t care, but in reality my retreat was what therapists call “cutting off”: demonizing others and distancing oneself in a conflict. I call it “growing the bitter root.”
I retreated to my garden. For the second year in a row, a friend had given me some sprouted raspberry canes. This time, she scolded, I should plant them not in a raised bed, as I had the first ones, but directly in the ground, where they’d get more water. So I dug up some waterlogged strawberries, replanted them in the raised bed, and then tilled the strawberry bed for the raspberries.
Where I live, digging is hard work. Carved from the Oklahoma outback, my yard is thickly turfed with crabgrass, whose pale, deeply snarled roots are almost impossible to wrench out of the clayey dirt. My husband, once a farmer, says every part of the crabgrass plant grows back: not only the upper thatch of green runners, but the segmented main root that breaks into pieces when pulled, and the wiry filaments that branch off each piece.
Crabgrass is an evil plant, I reflected as I gouged out a segment of endless root and aimed my dibble deeper. Gardening is important meditation time for me, and over the years I’ve reflected long on these roots: their ugliness and obstinacy, their resourcefulness, their similarity to my mother’s brain tumor many years ago. Although it was benign, it rooted out in all directions like a malignant tumor. The surgeon couldn’t get everything without destroying my mother’s brain. So, like crabgrass, the remaining strands of tumor grew back and, despite subsequent surgery, eventually killed her.
The nature of roots, I meditated, is to be relentless, unkillable. But then, roots are also sustainers. They suck nourishment from some source and transport those nutrients to other parts. They keep tall, heavy trees upright. They provide the foundation of a being. Such, in any case, was my thinking as I worked. To pass the time, I thought of all the root passages I could remember from Scripture.
Roots have a rich biblical presence, referencing genealogical relationships and the essence of things. Roots appear in one of Paul’s knotty arguments in Romans, the gist being, “If the root is holy, so are the branches” (11:16). I didn’t remember any of these passages, though, but only, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15), and that truism, “Money is the root of all evil.”
Coincidentally, just a few days before, my daughter Lulu had pointed out to me that the root of all evil isn’t money, but rather the love of money—a defense, she felt, of her own intention to have lots of money someday. I interrupted my gardening to go inside and read the passage in context.
Lulu was right. Sort of. Paul, writing to young pastor Timothy, begins his discussion of employment by talking about slaves’ attitudes toward their masters. Slaves should regard masters—especially Christian ones—as “worthy of full respect,” Paul counsels (1 Timothy 6:1–2). Anyone who argues otherwise, he says, has “an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels” (6:4) that will lead to “constant friction between people of corrupt mind” who mistakenly “think that godliness is a means to financial gain” (6:5). A better goal is “godliness with contentment” (6:6). Paul also stresses along the way, I planned to remind Lulu, that “those who want to get rich” risk “ruin and destruction” (6:9). Paul’s discussion concludes, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (6:10).
As usual when God sends me to check a verse, the words sorted themselves into a message. In my current work controversy, I’d missed entirely the greatest gain: godly contentment. However right I might be about wage earning among Christians, I was wrong to quarrel about it. Although my dissatisfaction, like the slaves’ dissatisfaction, was legitimate, fighting would achieve nothing.
Paul’s teachings regarding slaves have always troubled me, so I usually piously try to avoid those passages. How much more decent if he’d faulted the masters’ behavior rather than the slaves’ rightful objection to their lot! Bible commentators’ cultural rationalization—“That was then, and this is now; Paul could hardly undo the common practice of his time”—only complicates my confusion. Isn’t everything possible with God? Why didn’t Jesus just do away with slavery? And why, oh why, didn’t Paul exhort those Christian masters to free or, at least, be kind to their slaves?
I returned to my digging and thought about Paul’s mandate to embittered slaves and my own bitter root, sucking nourishment from controversy and poisoning my work relationships. I remembered a Bohemian folktale about work dissatisfaction that my mother often read aloud from my childhood Childcraft books (Wanda Gág, “Gone Is Gone”). In the story, a farmer envies his wife’s easier housework, so the couple switches jobs, and everything in the house goes wrong. The dog eats the sausages. The cider barrel runs out on the cellar floor. The churn topples over. The cow falls through the dugout roof. “Na, na! What’s gone is gone,” the man says each time. My mom always quoted the farmer's comment whenever we kids complained about our chores to remind us how badly things might be going if we were doing something else. When the wife returns home, the man vows never to complain about his work again, and they “live in happiness and peace forever and ever.”
I wish these reflections had solved my problem—that God had yanked the bitter root out of me or that I’d found some Bohemian bitterness-killer to eradicate my self-righteousness and resentment. That miracle didn’t happen. Still, I learned what I needed to do: direct my attention away from others’ wrong thinking, which I couldn’t change, and onto my own, which, with God’s help, I can. That, I think, is the path to true contentment.
Blessings,
Posted at 2:10 PM on June 9, 2008.
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Thanks Patty for this article.
I often feel a frustration at work over a myriad of issues that surface with the work or the people.
I am learning though that even though I cannot automatically change everything and make it all my way but I can prayerfully align my emotions and desires to fit God's plan for here and now.
Posted by: Ogey on June 13, 2008
AMEN! My husband and I have been struggling together and privately with the unpleasantness of his mother. Whenever we see her she insists on gossiping and speaking awful things about family members. We have tried many, many times to tell her that we do not want to participate or hear gossipa nd we always try to change the subject to no avail. So we bagn to start distancing ourselves because whenever we spent anytime with her we felt so negative and "down" and bad that we had heard such things about family members, whether or not they were untrue. We withdrew and then she started saying unkind and hurtful things to us whenever she would call! She made rude comments and when my husband and I were having a perfectly wonderful evening enjoying after he had got home from work, the instrusion of her phone call and her meaness towards us seeped into our lives, ruining our evening. There are just some people that you almost feel like you HAVE to avoid because they just don't see it and you know they won't get it. Thankfuly my husband and I continue to immerse ourselves in healthy and helpful relationships with people from our Church, our classes, and our community. While we can't control my mother-in-law's personality and attitute, we can ask God to help us not to allow it to change ours into resentment and bitterness.
Posted by: Sandra on June 13, 2008
I often feel angry at work when my boss, head of the "diversity council" makes fun of my denomination. But I've learned he was raised in parochial school, attended mass every day for 13 years, and feels he never needs to attend church again - he's taken care of all the Sundays until he dies. How sad to be so bitter, instead of having any joy. Also, sadly, it spills over to every area and relationship in his life.
Posted by: Pam on June 14, 2008
Quite frankly, one or two disputes is one thing, but when one is in a situation of emotional battery on a daily basis over years from a superior it is a little difficult to know what "the Christian thing" is to do.
Posted by: dawn on June 14, 2008
Hello Patty,
This is a very timely article for me. In my work situation, my director is trying to railroad me by getting other employees and patrons to complain about me and force me to resign.
I have to admit - I sometimes have been short with people, but that does not make me a horrible person, worthy of slander and loss of respect. But I have not been allowed to know who complained about me, have not been allowed to voice my side of things, or have any opportunity to set things right. How can I correct an incident if I don't know who I offended? It has been determined that I am guilty without any chance to prove my innocence or set things straight.
There is much more, but suffice to say that I have noticed that ugly root growing in me. I hate its presence and am constantly begging God to rip it out. Every time I feel I have victory over it, another shoot rises out of the issues I still face at work.
I also struggle against wanting to and trying to exact revenge on my coworkers and director. I examine my motives and find myself coming up short. The root of bitterness is only as powerful as I allow it to be.
In the long run, I know God will help me through this mess and hopefully use these circumstances to help someone else and to glorify Him. In the meantime, I know I need to be constantly vigilant in " ... guarding my heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
Posted by: Susan on June 16, 2008
Thanks, Patty, for some very helpful words. I also rankle at Paul's words to slaves but he was probably wise. Had he urged masters to release their slaves the slaves may have been out of work and those whose masters didn't release them would be struggling even harder with bitterness. If masters had chosen to pay their slaves then there would have been 2 classes of "slaves" in society, a difficult social situation. Nevertheless I do think that the Christian world of employers should re-evaluate their attitudes on paying staff instead of insisting on using volunteers. It's exploitation which should not be part of the Christian world but sadly is. How do you think we can go about it? Prayer is obviously a start but I wonder what else we can be doing.
Posted by: Toni on June 18, 2008
Toni,
An interesting comment that the Christian business world needs to reevaluate their attitudes toward paying for the work people do for them. I agree.
The attitude I have the most trouble with is that Christians who work for Christian businesses should regard their work—or part of their work—as "mission work" and thus shouldn't expect or even want to be paid for it. The underlying arguments of this attitude are that missionaries don't or shouldn't have the same needs as everyone else—namely, to support themselves and their families—and that being paid for work takes away its mission value. I disagree strongly with both arguments.
Paul repeatedly argues (see 1 Corinthians 9 and 1 Timothy 5 for starters) that workers—even if their work is for the church—should be paid. Don't muzzle the ox while it's treading out the grain, he says, quoting scripture. Although he himself apparently didn't take pay, perhaps, if he had had a wife and kids, he would have.
Somehow, in Christian world of business, we seem to have forgotten Paul's teaching—especially with regard to certain groups or types of work that we tend to discredit. For example, of the several churches I have been in since becoming a Christian 13 years ago, most paid their youth ministers—always young men just beginning their careers—but not the poor overworked mom with the onerous job of more or less single-handedly running the children's program. For her the work is regarded as mission work; for him it's seen as the job with which he supports his family.
Of course, that's within the church itself, not in the Christian business world, but I think the problem starts with such bifurcated notions about what kind of work is "Christian" and what's not.
More than once, my husband, a small town CPA, has been approached by people in Christian businesses and organizations who want him to do accounting for them for free. They know he's a Christian. Often the person who approaches him is someone we know from a church we've attended. "I'm doing Christian work here," they seem to be saying, and they're put out if he says no. He could tell them that he already does a lot of pro bono work already, which is true, but the biggest reason he says no is simply that whatever work either of us takes on, paid or not, takes up our time, and that time is what supports our family. As stewards of family's resources, we always have to weigh how we spend our time.
In our family it's a struggle to manage the time we need to invest to get the bills paid against the time we need to be at home and present in each other's and our daughters' lives. As hard as we try to get it right, we often end up with too little time for everything, and what inevitably suffers is not our work—we see to that, somehow, since others depend on us—but our marriage and family. From my husband's tales of his clients and their woes, I would say that many people out there share this problem. Even among Christians, the results, if we are not clear about what we are about as Christian workers, are broken marriages and families.
Also, unpaid jobs—so called mission work—are by no means the limit of our daily ministries. In my husband's case, he spends most of his days talking to people about their finances, figuring things up, and advocating for them before the IRS. We're talking worried, angry, tempted, messed up people—often recently laid off or with businesses going bankrupt or divorced or separated from their children—who need help in many ways and don't always want to do the right or legal thing. In other words, regular people. Even when my husband is being paid, I would argue, he is working in the service of God. Or trying to.
I'm scattered here. This is a huge topic. Too big for a comment. Thanks for your contribution to the discussion, Toni.
patty
Posted by: patty kirk on June 20, 2008
Good article-bitter roots are just that-bitter if you bite into them And so are we-bitter to the taste-when we live as a bitter person. One of the hardest things to parent through with children is how to help them with genuinely sinful pain that someone else has committed to them, help them to forgive, and help them not to have a bitter root. My teen-ager struggles with that now for being rejected by some other teens. Any advice on parenting through the "bitter root"
Posted by: trish on June 20, 2008
I have read all of the posts here and I feel that in each case, that the Lord would have us "bless" those the curse/persecute us. It is amazing to see Gods work in our lives and the lives of others when we bless them. All my life when i have come in conflict with someone-when i have been wronged, I would build up bitterness and resentment towards that person and it is almost impossible to forgive them. A few months ago, I had someone basically curse me. This was another christian. Everything inside of me wanted to lash out or say Lord SHOW THEM what they have said/done to me!!!! but Instead of lashing out or dwelling on what was done to me(a process i had done for 46 years!!)..this time, everytime a bad thought(from satan) came in i would reject it and pray for the person that the Lord would comfort them, be with them and just love up on them. I was going to see this person and was somewhat afraid that if they said something to me, i would blow...so when i started to pray and ask the Lord to be with me and close my mouth...He immediatley spoke to my spirit and said "bless those that persecute you"..NOt what i expected to do at all!...for she had hurt me!!...but I obeyed and blessed her and immediatley all the weight and burden was instantly gone...like nothing had ever happened between us...Gods ways are SO not our ways!!!!everything that we believe is so opposite of the way God works...it is amazing!...He is GOOD :)
Posted by: susan on June 25, 2008
I have to watch out for the roots of bitterness in my work as well. I'm a third year Electrician and for almost my entire apprenticeship I've had employers who just keep me doing the simple menial tasks that beginners always do . Not many people want to walk you through and teach you things because it costs money to train an apprentice and I bet alot of them are thinking that that "young" guy will just ditch them when they're trained but I wouldn' t do that.
It justs worries me because if I get my Journeyman certificate I could be set for life and I want to be able to provide for a wife and kids some day and it looks as though I'll have to do something else now and it's hard. I know I may be young (24) but it is still difficult. Please pray for me anybody who is available.
Posted by: Darrell on June 30, 2008
This was such a wonderful article! It always amazes me how God uses things in a myriad of ways to speak to and bless each one in a different way! I too have struggles at work with three managers who lie and manipulate to get their own way. It's a very bad situation where the three of them feed off of and chew each other up. I agree that praying for the Lord to address the larger heart issues they face that leads to this behavior is important and also to love them (show them a caring attitude)despite their behavior. But it sure isn't easy!
Posted by: Wendy on July 22, 2008