Thank you for being so honest. Oh, isn't it such awful news to hear? I will be lifting them up in prayer with you. I think you are wise to be honest before the LORD and express your heart's emotions. He knows them even before we express them! (Psalm 139) One time I heard an analogy, how our perspective of the universe and happenings in it are like looking at the back of a tapestry, with threads all twisted and knotted, not looking beautiful at all. However, God's perspective is like looking at the front of the tapestry, an orderly, beautiful design. Hang in there, we will understand His doings one day!
Proverbs 3:5-8
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

I totally agree with you but the part that scared me was "it can correct sin". i wondered if it would still happen with me coz i got pregnant but went along with having a wedding in church.i have confessed to God coz it was deception[our pastor didnt know]but my husband and i cldn't have aborted the baby and having a baby out of wedlock wld have devastated my parents.thing is,wld God cause us suffering till we confess to the church or He has forgiven us?

Josephine, my heart really goes out to you. As someone who has done things I'm ashamed of, I struggled for years, believing that my sins would keep me from ever being completely forgiven or used by God. I am learning however, that God's grace is huge and all encompassing in spite of how well He knows us and knows exactly how sinful we are. (Hebrews 4:12-16) If you have confessed your sins to God, He IS faithful and has forgiven you. And as "far as the east is from the west" is how far those sins are thrown in His eyes. (Can't remember exactly where that is - psalms, I think?) Eph 1:3-14 is good too. I've found that confessing my sins to others is something He asks of us (james 5:16), and I've discovered to my surprise that the confession can be amazingly healing. BUT! I also believe that some people aren't safe. Sadly, some Christians are much more focused on judgement than on forgiveness (and there are a whole bunch of verses about that!). I confess my sins to people I know will love and accept me in spite of them, while also taking them seriously and holding me accountable as needed. Not always easy to find people like that, but when you, hang on tight and nurture those friendships. Know that God loves you and your husband and that baby of yours unconditionally, and that He has plans for your lives.

I loved this article.....It really brought home that just because you have faith and a belief in God, doesn't mean that you are not going to suffer in life and have problems (which gets into another area of free will). I think the whole thing boils down to a trusting relationship with the Lord.

As to Josephine who wrote earlier, I believe wholeheartedly that every child is a creation from God. Being born out of wedlock.....well, man has rules and laws.......God transcends rules and laws with His love and mercy. I have a child and did not marry her father. But I know that God loves us all so much that he sent His son to die for us. God, I believe, loves us and wants us to make good choices so that we will become closer with him. I truly believe that He is not a vengeful God and is not going to punish you for keeping that from your parents or the preacher. After all, that is between you and God.

Holly says: Josephine, God has forgiven you: “If we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away." (1 John 1:9, CEV). And you don't need to do anything more than to ask for forgivenness; Jesus takes care of the rest: "If anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins ... " (1 John 2:1-2, NIV).

The idea that suffering can correct sin is like how a parent disciplines their child (Hebrews 12:7, 11). For example, say a teen is ditching school. When that teen's mom finds out, you know someone's going to get grounded! But does the mother ground her child because she hates the kid? Of course not: The mom is using discipline to get the kid to stay in school, learn something, and hopefully do well in life.

This discipline makes sense when we consider what sin does: Sin is an action/behavior that creates distance between us and God. When we get into a pattern of sin, where we just keep doing something over and over, we tend to stop talking to God. So God may allow something painful (suffering) to happen in our lives in order that we 1) stop the destructive behavior, but more importantly, 2) turn to him and restore our relationship with him.

It's important that you realize the difficulties you'll face as a new mom aren't punishments from God. We do have to live with the consequences of our decisions. You seem to be fully owning up to the choices you made and responsibilities you now have.

I wonder whether you believe God has forgiven you? I know I've tortured myself over past sins, wrong choices I made, and even thought some were unforgivable. You may well need to hear you are loved. God loves you; nothing can separate you from God's love (Romans 8:38, 39).

If you're feeling unloved or unforgiven, I'd suggest talking with a pastor, counselor, or a mature Christian. Make sure it's someone you feel comfortable confiding in, and be very honest with them about your feelings.

Thank you for such a wonderful message. I too, have been going through a really low period which seems to have gone on forever and which shows no signs of improving. I moved so far away from God for a long time as I thought that He could not be kind and just to allow me to suffer so. At the beginning of this year I made resolution that I would turn back to Him and claim the forgiveness that He promised us through Christ. He has not lifted the burden that I carry but through His grace I am growing every day. I am continually being reminded of areas in my life where I need to ask for forgiveness and am working through these with God's help.
I join my voice to yours in praying for those who are grieving and those that suffer.
Thanks again for the message which has spoken to my heart and encouraged me!

One of the greatest encouragements to me when I face suffering or hear of other who do has been to spend time in the Psalms with David. He continually cried out to God with total honesty. He poured out his questions, his fears, his anger, even his desire for revenge. God met him there and often the Psalm closes with God giving him new perspective and comfort, but not always. David was a man after God's own heart.

I believe honesty about your feelings is the first step toward receiving God's comfort and help when we face trials, suffering and hardship. If we try to fake it and just jump ahead to read the verses that talk about victory we short circuit God's healing process. he knows what is in our hearts. Open up and let Him help you deal with it.

My husband and I recently suffered a late term miscarriage. We are devastated and are asking God why? It's good to know that it's okay to ask that. We do trust Him and know He has a reason for this, and we just have to trust that it is for good, but at the same time keep asking why. I pray that some day He will reveal to us the Why, but He may not.

Holly, both your articles are well-said (the initial and the response to Josephine). Thank you for putting into words the inner battle many of us face--it helps to know we're not "weird" or alone in thinking them and it is reassuring to be reminded of what we know (that God is big enough to handle our questions, doubts, and concerns.

Almost a year ago, I was in such a deep depression, I nearly turned my back on
G-d. I didn't want to have a G-d (nor be around His people), if He was going to allow me to experience such pain. "Doesn't He love me anymore? Did He really ever love me?" Through His people and through my shouting prayers, I took the first step back to my L-rd and my G-d and He came running back to me. What have I learned? It's OK to yell, to scream, to cry out to G-d (and when I face Him with tears in my eyes, I found that He cries with me, too).

I know what you mean about questions. I have a lot of them. Like you, I spent a long time denying my right to the questions, but then I read Job. What a liberating experience! Job faced his suffering and his questions. He never doubted that God was there for him, but he never gave up his quest to understand, either.
The story of Job is a good reminder that Satan is always lurking about when bad things happen. In Job's story, Satan tried to make God perform the bad things, but God refused. Everything that happened to Job happened at the instigation of Satan, not God. God had complete faith in Job, and amazingly, despite all Job's questions, he still had faith in God. He never cursed God. He never denied God's authority. He exercised his faith in his questions, and in the end, God spoke.
I love the fact that despite the pious mouthings of the friends who surrounded Job, God honored Job's questions more their preaching. In Jewish teaching, humans are expected to show their full humanity by their willingness to stand up and be heard. They don't deny God; they interact with him.
I think they are on the right track. Whining about what happens and accusing God of being vindictive is childish and pitiful. A lot of human relationships crash this way, too. Job was willing to turn to the one he loved and say, Talk to me. Let's talk this out. It is a lesson in faith and in relationship-building.

I appreciated this post so very much! This is an area I find myself stumbling through... wondering and trying to sort out. You see, I can closely relate to the Chapman tragedy.
My youngest daughter, Ella, died.
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/angelbabyella/
She lived a beautiful and triumphant life of 24 hours and 17 minutes. As I held my perfect baby girl in my arms... she went to heaven, I felt the world come crashing down around me. How could God, MY GOD, do this to me? To her, to my family... we prayed and believed in His almighty power to heal her. (She was born with underdevolped lungs) We had faith!How is it horrible drug users or abusers have children a hundred fold.. But God allowed my wanted and loved baby girl to die??? One day I was so wounded and raw... screaming out in my heart... why, why, why... Why didn't you heal her??? And I as I sobbed, I felt Him all around my like a father cradles his small daughter... and to my heart he quietly spoke these words... "But I DID heal her, and she is perfect now... "
My questions are still there, but my peace has not come in answers, or understanding. I have FAITH that He is big enough to allow me to have those questions, and honest emotions (even anger)... to bring them to Him. I accept that NO REASON would be good enough anyway, so I trust that in heaven I will see the perfect plan and only then will I understand. And Ella will be with me in the promised paradise, so it just won't matter.

There is only ONE sin that God doesn't forgive. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. Having sex before marriage is not the unforgivable sin. Abortion is not the unforgivable sin. The only thing God can't forgive is dying without Him and I took care of that when I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. You are not a bad person, baby. God loves you IN SPITE of what you feel you have done that was so bad. That's why His precious son died on the cross -- He already paid for that sin. But take it from me -- guilt will eat you alive until you forgive yourself; God forgave the FIRST time you asked -- and I know you have asked many, many times. I don't know how old your baby is now but I'll let you in on a secret. There is NOTHING my child can do to make me stop loving him/her. I have one who hasn't spoken to me in over three years but I still love her -- I'm mad at her but I love her. Ted Bundy's mom, when asked on the day of his execution how she was feeling about her son now said, "He's my son and I love him." (I don't know if that's really a quote but I heard that and I believe it would be true.) Think about how much you love that baby -- more than you ever thought you could possibly love another human being. God loves you even more than that. And so does your mother. Nothing you can do will ever change that.

I, too, struggle with the why's of suffering. But I've come to a place where I don't ask "Why me?" but, instead, "Why NOT me?" We, as Christians, are the only Bible some people read and I believe that some of our suffering comes to teach us lessons we can share with others who are going through the same thing years down the road -- and share how our wonderful best friend, Christ, helped us work through the pain. I had to WORK through the suffering and it was hard. But God still loves me and He tells me that every day in the beautiful sunset or sunrise or sunshine or in the rain that is giving the trees and flowers a bath. And it is my prayer that I will, through my own hard life, help someone else know that you are not a failure because you made a mistake. Accidents are called that for a reason. Spilled milk can't be unspilled but it can be wiped up and cleaned up. Even though I made a mistake, God is still using me to touch others THROUGH that mistake. He will use you, too. It's your turn. Pass it on.

I was deeply saddened by the news of Maria Chapman's death. What a tragedy and what a heartbreak for all concerned. My prayers are with the family.

I am a pastor's wife and live with systemic lupus and daily pain. I've gone through periods of great testing of my faith. I confessed everything I could think of hoping it would bring healing. I've come to understand that God is Sovereign and that everything He does is right. That's a hard concept to follow in times of trouble and it checks us at the core of our being. I've also come to believe that it takes greater faith for me to live for the Lord and trust Him to work His will out in my life than it is to trust Him for healing. 'Your will be done' is not easy to pray, but it does bring great peace and joy to the soul.

I watched my sister linger in a hospital for TWO years before she died in 2006 at the age of 53. She was diabetic, lost both legs, and was paralyzed from the waist down. It was a nightmare that I cannot begin to describe. Yet, I refer to it as the most tragically beautiful period of my life. God taught me much as I watched Him refine my sister. She was ready to leave and see her Jesus when she died peacefully. My father, who was agnostic, gave his heart to the Lord the month after her death. Her witness, her strong faith and her love for the Lord was an amazing gift to our family.

I appreciated your fine article. It was honest and forthright.
Bless you.

I just dont know were to begin. I loved your article!!! I am subscribed to your newsletter tha I never read. I just could not identify with the writers even do I tried, but somehow today I was browsing to my inbox and decided to read your article and I was so touched and surprise by your honesty. I too lost a loved one (boyfriend) and I have never gotten over it. It seems like it just happen yesterday. I have 3 kids now and I fear losing them because I just dont know If I would be able to take anymore. My boyfried died at my work, at that time I worked in a dental office and he had a tooth that hurt him and I told him to go to my work and have it removed. I made the arrangements and he wanted the anesthesia that would put him to sleep. Since he had gone to another dentist previously and somehow the anesthesia did not work. I tried to convince him to take the local anesthesia and he would take no for an answer. Well I left him there we kissed and I told him I needed to go back to work and that I would see him later. That was the last time I saw him alive, he died!! I have never gotten over it. I was so mad at GOD that my life went down hill from than on. I did not go to the funeral, and frankly as I am writing this today and could not go today either. I am crying as I write this and the pain is so unbearable that the only thing that keeps me going is my kids. I have never wrote or talk about this to nobody I have just kept it inside, I am glad to finally talk about it. Thank you!!!

I don't often respond to things like this but my heart goes out to Jpsephine. I absolutely agree with everyone that God forgives you absolutely.

I have counselled very many people in diverse situation and I have always discovered that when people are under authority to a leader, they do not completely experience that flow they once had when things were right i.e when something goes wrong.

I know that there are people who are completely immatured and who you cannot really talk to. BUt I have a loving counsel; talk to your pastor. Your conscience is spot on. You mention deception. Clear it up.

I wish I can guarantee you that when we tick all the boxes, everything will go well all the time. There are many honest people looking for children and who cannot have them and yet there are those that have them and abort them. Job was a righteous man yet suffered untold hardship and it appeared God went on holidays.

The real issue is faith for the christian journey. What God seeks is faith in all things and at all times. Do you have the faith that if you reverence Him and open up to your pastor, He will bless you in return?

I quake when I think of the dealings of God many times. He can keep blessing us and later call us to account. He kept blessing Jacob after his deception, gave him revelation, insight, protection, provision but many years later, He cornered him and asked him "what is your name" Genesis 32

I am concerned that you seem to be carrying all these alone. What about your husband? It is important to note that you really cannot make a success of this issue unless you both agree. Infact I would suggest you go about it together.

You have a good heart. I believe your pastor will be a real blessing. I have prayed for you. I believe it is well.

My husband left in 99. I have 7 adopted children & 2 biological. 5 children still at home...3 have been involved in drugs, 2 in unplanned pregnancies and now a third daughter is pregnant (unmarried and 18). I have taught them from God´s Word, I have prayed and fasted...yet these things have happened. God has allowed these things...I do not understand and all I can do is trust that He will bring good out of this...God knows how much pain we can handle and He will never abandon His children. I cling to His promises and that is all I can do. Life is hard but God is good...

Holly says: Laura, I want to pray for you. And since I don't have a way to contact you, I want to pray for you right here:

God, I don't know why you've allowed Laura to experience this pain and loss. I don't know why you took someone from her life that she loved so much, someone who supported and loved her. God, I'd ask that you'd recognize her hurt. And even though my solution would be for the hurt to just stop, God, I want to ask you to allow Laura to hurt so much that she doesn't feel there's any choice but to run to you, Lord, knowing you're the only one who can comfort her.

You know we always want answers for our suffering, Lord. And I'm glad you don't always provide them, because we probably wouldn't understand even if you told us. So I ask you to give Laura something that goes far beyond any explanation you might give her, something way beyond a response to the question "Why?" God, please bring your peace to her. Please bring your comfort. As she hurts, as she wonders whether you care about her hurt, show her that you do, Father. Let her know that you are close, that you haven't abandoned her, that you won't ever leave her alone. That she will always have you to run to, God.

God, if I can be this bold, please give Laura a comfort that she will recognize as coming from you this week. I don't know what that might be, but let it be so distinct that she will be certain it is your love. That in whatever form that comfort comes, she will know she is being held in your arms.

God, please bring encouragement to Laura. Please bring friendships where she can be herself, and can feel safe discussing her pain. Please bring Christian women into her life who can pray with her and support her. God, please draw her into authentic friendships, where no one will try to offer easy answers but will always look to you first.

Thank you, God, for your care for your daughter Laura. Thank you for how you are going to answer this prayer.

Laura, I hope you will continue praying for friendships where you can be supported and can support and love others, too. Be on the lookout for what God's going to do to heal and help you.

Holly says: It's awesome to see many of us gals want to support and encouraging each other. Just wanted to give you an idea:

I went through the list of comments and put my finger on each woman's name, just thinking about the real person who typed the words. I prayed for each situation where there is pain, and also for each woman who's offering encouragement, that they might receive good words from God and to go out and speak them.

I hope many women who are reading these comments will be moved to pray that God would heal the wounds and also that God would give us opportunities to encourage one another.

It has been an Educative and nice to share with others.I will totally agree with you, especially when something happens to our beloved one.I think no one would like to experince suffering and we always hope for good things to happen in our lifes.when i lost my husband,i felt like God was not been fail to me, and i used to ask the same question why God did you allow such a thing to happen, where did i go wrong cause you have taken part of my life and my happiness.when such things happen its true you cannot understand and its difficuit to believe.what we have to know is that,we just have to thank God for everything that happens in our lifes.

I can totally relate to this articles,i've gone through so much this past year and being a christian i always wondered why God would put me through so much suffering.I thought maybe He hasn't forgiven me for my past sins even though I have confessed and asked for forgiveness.I have been raising my boyfriend's child who is now 14 months old and now that me and my boyfriend have broken up I feel that I will also lose this child.I ask myself often how could God allow this child to grow up without a mother.Why didn't he save the relationship.But after reading all your comments,I'm trying to understand that maybe we could never be good parents if we never got along.I'll keep on praying that the child will always be loved and nurtured even if I am not a part of his life.

Wow. That's good stuff. I need to chew on it for a bit.

Wow that was an amazing note... I just went through a breakup with a young man who I thought was the answer to my prayers for a kind, loving, Christian man. There has been a lot of questioning why and alot of fear that God will leave me alone...

But reading this post and the comments have given me hope deep down in my soul that all will be right. Maybe not right *now*... but all will be set right in His eyes. Please continue to pray for me as I will all of you!

Ladies, my heart goes out to each and everyone of you. I, too have asked God the "Why?" question so many times. One thing I do know and it comes from the book of James, chapter 1, verse 2. God allows trials so we will develop perserverence. God wants us to call on Him, He desires that closeness. We tend to rely on Him, go to Him, depend on Him, pour out our hearts to Him, when?, in times of trouble which helps to develop our character and make us the person He desires us to be. We can find real peace in knowing that God loves us and will never foresake us, and that His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, defeated death and those who believe in Him will have eternal life, not death. We have the promise that we have been forgiven for all our sins, past, present, and future. All we have to do is admit, believe and confess, that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for all the sins of the world and He rose from the dead and is alive today in heaven, at the right hand of God the Father. In other words, we are sinners and are forgiven by the grace of God and knowing that and by faith and trust that God has a plan for each and everyone of us and is in total control of all things. May that knowledge comfort those of you who are struggling and give each of you eternal hope and peace for now and forever.

Often our greatest heartache gives birth to our greatest blessing.

Thank You, Lord, for my grandson, Brady, who was born to my 19-year-old daughter out of wedlock. I haven't seen or talked to him in over a year now and I sure do miss him, Lord. I pray that You will gather each of these hurting young women in Your big arms and hold them tightly. I pray that You would surround them with a hedge of 500 angels to protect their fragile hearts in this place of their lives and that You would provide them with the peace of Your almighty love. Help them to know that You love them so much that You ALLOWED Your only son to die such a cruel death so that they could become a part of Your family. Lord, I know that I could not give my son the way You did and I am keenly aware of your sacrifice. I pray that You would hold each of these women so tightly in your love that they would FEEL your arms around them. In Your precious, holy name I pray.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

What an awesome thought. God, You are just so awesome! Thank You, too, for Bible School and Sunday School so that these things have been "hidden in my heart" and come to me when Life is beating me up. I pray for these hurting women and for hurting women all over the world. And, Lord, especially touch those who are hurting in silence. You know who they are because You know everything.

My husband left me with three kids. My youngest is not even one when he decided to stay with another woman. He use to be a man of God. I never understood why God allows such situation to HIs Children. It's been 2 years, and I'm still hoping God would restore back my family, but honestly I felt I'm just floating somewhere. Waiting for God to answer my prayers and my why. But then i realized worst things happen to a lot of good people, instead of questioning Him I should be thanking HIm to whatever good thing that is left and hope tomorrow would be a better one. Its easy to say but quit difficult, hard and all the other words that discribes pain. I'm just glad i found this site.... Everyday He gives me new hope. He strengthens me in my weakness. He assures me I am Loved even i was rejected by. I Hope my life will give glory to HIS name.

Holly,
Excellent article!
In the last line, you wrote - And I’m starting to realize that to get to real faith, I need to start with real doubt.
So true - only when I started being real about my doubts and fears, was I able to begin the journey towards emotional/spiritual healing after suffering severe injuries in an accident.
God the creator of all, is big enough to hear our doubts and fears!

Hi everyone

I love anything to do with christianity. I visit this site daily just to hear about the word of God, how wonderful He is and just to get some inspiration to live a clean godly life. I have accepted Jesus on many occassions, but I don't go to church and I don't own a Bible. I want to buy the Bible, but anytime I go to the shops I feel it is too expensive and I end up not buying it. Every week I promise myself that I will go to church, but come Sunday I always have an excuse. I don't know what is holding me back. Is it laziness? Could you guys pray for me?

Oh, my God! I love the article and the responses of the author and the readers! How wonderful to know that Holly reads the responses and actually makes comments and prays for us. I have never responded to something like this before, but today is my day. Here I go...

I am a Pastor's wife and am living a life of physical pain with bouts of depression due to chemical imbalance. I am on an anti-depressant that has kept my thinking clear. It has not been an easy road that I have traveled due to the fact that I am constantly on "display". It does not take a genius to see how people can so easily dismiss your ministry to them because they see that you're going through illness after illness - diagnoses after diagnoses - trial after trial. What they have seen is an imperfect, flawed, honest woman that loves her husband, her son, the people of God, and most importantly she loves the Lord with all her heart.

What they have not acknowledged is that I've been faithful to ministry to the people of God through it all. How many Pastor's wives would not miss a beat in ministry immediately after breaking a toe? Oh, the pain... :-) I have more stories, but time and space would not allow them.

In the past couple of years I've turned a "corner" in my thinking and have been openly honest in discussing the issues of my life (publicly and privately). It has been a total release in multiple ways.

I am learning NOT to make apologies for being me. I am learning not to explain to people who I am, what I do, and why I do it. (If after 22 years you don't know me, you will never know me --- their loss, not mine.) I am learning that many of the things I have and will experience is because of the kind of world we live in now. I have asked God "Why me?" for too many years. NOW I SAY "WHY NOT ME?" I am learning that God's grace is sufficient for me and that He heals in many ways --- PEACE is the greatest!

Well, I've probably said too much, but it sure has been refreshing to my spirit to tell people who will never know me that I am here, I have felt some of the pain and sorrow that they've felt and that I am still happy in Jesus and full of joy because I know that He is in complete control.

In my mind I see every potential trial coming across the imaginary desk of God in Heaven, Him looking at it, and stamping "send" or "delete". Our loving Heavenly Father knows how much we can bear. If a situation comes into our lives, that means we can bear it. LEAN into the pain and LEARN FROM IT!

God bless you, Holly, as well as all of the brave women who have poured your hearts out! Please forgive me for this lengthy entry... the writer in me emerged.

Holly says: Nolwazi, my first inclination was to send you a Bible. But as I was praying for you, I realized this is something you need to take initiative on. If someone gave you a Bible, would you read it? You asked, "Is it laziness?" You are the one who can best answer that question.

If I'm being honest with you, I have to tell you that people invest their time and money into the things that are most important to them. My desire would be to see you get closer to God, but you've got to want that enough that you're willing to put your resources (primarily your time) into it.

So when you are ready, do a Yellow Pages search for churches that close to your home. Then go, and--unless the church seems spiritually sketchy--commit to attending at least three Sundays in a row. Make this a matter of obedience to God, even if the church seems lousy. Once you've established that you're going to go to church, if only to obediently listen to God's word being read, you might start looking for the church where it feels like God really wants you to attend.

At the church you visit, ask the pastor if he can give you a Bible. If you don't want to do this, check out bibles.org, where you can get one for as little as $5 (including shipping and handling).

Once you get that Bible, commit to reading ONE chapter each day. Think about each sentence as you read, and if you can't picture it in your head, read it again. And again, as many times as is necessary for you to follow what is being said. (This doesn't mean everything will be crystal, but if everything seems to be a blur in your mind, you need to ask yourself, "Am I really making an effort?"

Reading one chapter will take 5 to 15 minutes, mostly based on whether you are willing to focus and think. Before you begin reading, tell God everything you're afraid of about the process: "God, I think this will be difficult. I don't think I'll understand much of what I read. But I'm dedicating this time to you because I want to know you. Please recognize this as obedience to you, and help me."

I've been exactly where you are right now, just eight years ago. I'm being direct with you because I believe you really do want to get close to God, but you're seeing this as an uphill battle. I promise you, the minute you say, "God, I'm going to make this commitment to you," and start doing it, you will begin to have a closer relationship with him than you ever thought possible. It's worth it, so go for it--no excuses!

This was truly a wonderful article,I have suffered from depression for 3 years now my mom died 2and 1/2 years ago,a couple that I was close to in my youth were involved in a car accident 3 yrs. ago,she lost her spouse,and I lost 2 friends right in the center of all of this,one to an aneurism and the other a massive heart attack. One thing I can share is that for the first time in my life I cried out to God and he comforted me,and that is a feeling that you can't even describe with words,but I realized that God did care about my pain and he was with me through it all and my faith has grown so much during this time and I am almost grateful for the pain that brought me closer to God and also for the Christian brothers and sisters that came and offered support and encouragement that kept me going when I didn't feel like I could go on. Christian Women(We MUST support one another!!!)

This is an awesome chat area; I came upon it as I am seeking Christian women who are warm to share and bond with. I have been in my church for 8 years and there are only a few women who are "warm and open". This has made me so depressed and sad because I have more laughs, transparency and deep, deep meaningful conversations with people outside of church, A LOT!!! I do retreats, women's meetings, etc. with our church for a very long time now and I feel it gets colder and colder instead of warmer and warmer. God has not authorized us to leave at all, even though I have wanted to so many times. We are a spirit filled church, with active gifts of the Spirit and Heavenly, awesome worship; therefore I find all this coldness so over whelming and confusing. Some of you will judge me and some will understand but please follow The Holy Spirit if you respond to this as that is crucial to me. My husband and 2 very dear friends say it is just some people's personalities or fear not to be open, warm and loving and that we are to be the example for the others but I need fellowship so much with warm, loving women. I feel God has told me today to join some outside church Christian women's groups and the warmth will find me so that I can be feed that warmth as well as give my warmth away. I am so sad and hurt that most of our women are so closed up. I told one of my friends that I want to start a group called "Love Connection" for the hurting and the ones who want to be givers and warm and open. God bless you all beyond measure. He is taking care of us all, including the Chapman's. Their little girl is in Heaven, maybe on God's lap, as we discuss this. We must pray for the brother who accidentally hit her so that he can live on, guilt-free and minister to others through the unbelieveable pain that he is suffering. He needs our prayers so badly.

I lost my 36 year old son 2 and 1/2 years ago to a drug overdose.I am still having a hard time wanting to live.I am still crushed.We prayed for 16 years for his deliverance and this is what we got.

After loosing our son to drugs our youngest daughter informed us she is gay.I have had a heart attack 2 stints 3 ablations and am now on mega meds.I am open to learning but as of yet have had no great revelations.If you people truely pray then pray for me.All of this since late 2005.

I wish to disagree with Lynn, " if a situation comes into our lives, it is because we can bear it" How many Christians have broken other peoples heart while trying to give this phrase while it's meant to ease the person's pain but the truth is, it doesnt.

Sometimes you get too much than you can bear. I have personally been going through a very dfficult situation since i was 14yrs. I have this situation where I have a foul smell (it's really bad and every one I come across tends to think I am probably very ignorant of my Hygiene/cleanliness) and all the doctors (Gynae's) i have seen have been able to diagonise what the problem is or it's cause or even been able to give the rigt treatment, if at all it requires any.

Neither has much prayer and seeking the Lords face yielded any fruit.

Now what I want Lynn to tell me is, does she think it is very easy and such a thing as able to bear for a woman to go around carrying a stench that you can do nothing about? The shame and reproach I have f
ced in my life and the untold suffering this whole situation has brought me isnt anything I would say is something " Am able to bear"though am still holding on.

Thank you for the article Holly. God bless.

Lucy

Thanks, your comments have really made me much stronger. The women in my church are so cold and full of accusation and jugdements, could you please help me in prayer as I often feel to leave and join other churches but could not find it in my heart to do so. I need God to really help to bring joy, love and togetherness in His house so that his glory could be felt for ever.

My mum got a brain tumour in 1993. Surgery was done and she went back to office. Teh tumour recurred again in 1998 and second surgery had its side effects. Eventually mum lost her mobility, she can't write and she is not audible as she speaks. Last year dad who was her help and strength suffered a stroke and went to be with the Lord. I allowed myself to ask God why. It doesn't hurt to ask God why and honestly take your pain to Him. He is still God in our lives and nothing in this life can ever separate us from His love. Today I tell God to rest dad's soul in eternal peace. He provided us with a home nurse who takes care of mum. We have seen His hand in a situation which was beyond us. And now i know that whatever happens in our lives, He is aware and He never forsakes. My dad was so strong. I asked God why He took him away. Then He whispered these words, "Your mum's life is not in your dad's hands. I will sustain her".

Hi, this is Lynn.

I am responding to Lucy's comment. I am so sorry that you have had to endure such physical hardship. My heart goes out to you. I cannot explain why it is you have to endure such a horrible disease. I will never say that physical diseases are "easy'. I dealt with one for 21 years that had a "stench". It was not easy -- the pain, the ridicule, the physical abuse, the mental abuse, and the list goes on. I am so glad to know that you are still here. You have quite a testimony. God bless and keep you, Lucy.

The no comments are the same thing I seem to get from everywhere.Thanks anyway.

Brenda, I dont know the pain of losing a child. I dread this happening especially if they are unsaved. I am so sorry.
But I do know the pain of having a gay child. My husband died nearly 7 years ago. several years later my younger son told me he was gay. I am devastated. My elder son who has been a professing Christian for over 10 years has recently given up on God - he say nothing seems to have gone right since his Dad died. He suffers from depression and OCD - he has stopped coming to church. I too keep asking God "WHY?" I have 2 daughters (both I am delighted to say believers)one suffers from panic attacks and I too have over the last few months been suffering from palpitations/panic and feeling depressed at the thought of my sons being lost to God. I do not understand Why but I cannot give up on God. I pray for you and your daughter. With love.

thank you Lynn for ther fact that you can identify with my pain, once you have gone through something, you can put yourself into that other person's shoe and feel how it hurts.

I will keep holding on, through the pain, ridicule, shame and reproach as long as the Lord suistains me and I know He will.

God Bless you.

Lucy

In my life I have gone through various hardships and I'm still so young. I know what it is like to be molested, to be raped, to be abused and to never really feel loved or safe. I think deep down apart of me knows that God loves me but sometimes I doubt and wonder if he does why doesn't he bring someone in my life to show me this love and often I think I"m not worthy to be loved anyway. Yet I still seek God and I go to church and I read the Bible and I try and always be kind and loving to people even though I rarely get kindness and love back. I think of Jesus and I know how he loved and I want to love the same way. Yet right now I have so much hurt and sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I pray that some disease will fall on me or I'll get hit by a car or just something will happen that the Lord will take me home because I'm tired of being sad all the time and not feeling loved. Two months ago I started corresponding with this guy online and we talked about God and I confided in him my hurts and he listened and counseled me and even suggested I get cousnseling and I did. I pretty much fell in love with this guy and the words he spoke to me. I had dreamed about him before I ever spoke/wrote/saw him. Right after talking to me he went to this event and this girl said I know the perfect girl for you and she said my full name, it was a different girl but it still was remarkable. I would test the spirit and said God if he's for me work it out on that end and let him dream about me. The next day the guy told me I had a dream about you last night but for the life of me I can't remember what it was about. Just so many things kept happening like that. But I kept wondering why he never would ask to met me and something came up and I found out he had a genetic disease called porphyria and stress and relationships make him sick and could send him in an attack. Anyway God made a way for us to be at the beach at the same time and I met him there and I never felt so much love in my life. I know he felt it to. It was such a sweet moment. He gave me a look at melted my heart and I kissed him and we kissed and hugged sweetly several times. It felt like I knew him my whole life and I know he felt the same way. He wrote me after I left and said he never felt such peace and joy and he wanted to steal me away forever. A week or so later my father has to drive my Aunt home near where he lived (the guy and I live 3 hours from each other). Anyway I get invited to go stay with his family for a few days and I do. His mom is so negative, his father an alcholic that has no relationship with him, and he and his mother did nothing but talk about his disease. Some more things happened too like between him and I..we didn't have sex but we got to hot and heavy and I creid afterwards. I started acting weird after that almost smothering I guess because I thought he thought less of me and he was going to abandon me. Long story in my past that would explain that but anyway I did some stupid things after that like check his email and write a big note saying I need more attention that maybe I was just put in his life to heal him..things like that and after that we broke up but I he night before I left we talked and he said ultimately he wants to be with me that we just went too fast into a relationship but he did care about me and he told me to trust him and he kissed me so sweetly. Anyway I get home and dumb me writes him a note being to honest putting too much pressure on him and he writes me a note saying their were amazing times and terrible ones and it's all too much for him. That he was in so much pain physically and just other things and he says all he can do is be friends. But I act out of hurt and I write a note about a girl should have more respect for herself to let a guy touch her and if the guy really cares about her...he won't touch her and make no promises anyway he read it and got upset and after a few things transpired..he won't even talk to me. All of this is so hard to deal with. I feel like I ruined something that could have been so wonderful but I let my past ruin it and he let his worries, fears and doubts ruin it. It hurts so bad and I don't understand God sometimes.

Jan
Thank you for your responce.I did not mean to sound as though I am the only person experiencing pain.But at times the pain is almost more than I can bear.I have not given up on God.We have always been active in our church.But my circle of people I think have moved on from my losses and feel I should too.And yes I do consider my daughter being gay a loss as well.There will be so many hardships in her life because of her choices.The worst thing is missing heaven.Moreover she has two daughters that had no choice but will live the shame.I love her and the woman she is with is a wonderful person,but my heart aches all the time.
I do feel my Son is in heaven only by Gods mercy.But in my faith I believe in devine healing.I did not count on the ultimate healing.I feel blessed in the assurance we do serve a loving and merciful God.My heart always says I can trust all that I have to my God but at times my head gets in the way.
I too will pray for your Sons.I try to hold on to the fact that I taught them the word of God and pray they will return to their roots.I only have the two girls left.The older is a devoted christian.The younger is wandering in the wilderness.

Brenda, I know this heart aching all the time too. I ache for my two sons and want to feel that I can sort everything out for them. But I cant . I can only be there for them and give them help, if and when they want it. I've just read the article in the latest TCW email about women in control - we always want to sort things, make them better. But it's is God who is in control and he knows all things and can work for us even through our pain. Maybe through these painful circumstances we will understand and reach people we would not otherwise reach. I cant express all my thoughts and feelings on these events they are too many.
At the moment I am trying to read "Deserted by God?" by Sinclair Ferguson. It is based on discussion of the Psalms. David/the psalmist often asks God, why? and how long? (I am hoping that my elder son will read it too - woman in control again?)
God bless you Brenda. With love.

Marie sues story is quite touching! for a five year old,this will definitely take her sometime to get over.wishing her all the best! hope this doesn't affect her physical or mental wellbeing!
.....................................................................
jane doe

Dual Diagnosis

I said prayers for Stephen Curtis Chapmans family for their peace strength and God comforting them with his love and others. God's ways are not our ways, God does have a plan for us all and we aren't guaranteed anything in this life, just to trust and believe God is working in all our lives no matter what the cost. may you all have a joy,peace and strength that only God(Jesus) can give us thru it all. Keep on Keeping on Romans 8:28 we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. God Bless You all LiveLoveLaughPray In God We Trust

I've been through quite a lot, being an only child and both parents dying same year, marrying a guy against my mum's advice and paying for it now (after 16yrs) remember 'honor thy mother and father--' cos she could see through the guy and all her fears have been confirmed. Threats to end the marriage, physical abuse, mental and emotional torture,e.t.c.! I'm facing serious challenges at work, thanks to him! e.t.c. But you know, just like that song goes"Through it all i've learnt to trust in Jesus, i've learnt to trust in God e.t.c' God has blessed us with 3 wonderful kids too! It's been (and still is!)tough but that's the sum total, cos without HIM i'm sure i'd have been a recluse by now.
So ladies let's all hang in there. His ways are not our ways and let us be rest assured that He KNOWS ALL we're passing through and guess what? HE'LL SEE US THROUGH ALL OF THEM! He says even if a mother forgets her suckling child HE will NEVER forget us cos our names are inscribed in the palms of HIS HANDS!
God bless and keep us all in Jesus Mighty Name.

Jan
Again thank you.I will get the book.
Brenda

I came across this site today after typing "I'm starting to question God" into my search engine. The truth is I've been questioning Him for quite a while. I'm 24 years old and I used to believe that we are the only ones responsible for what happens to us. We can't blame God for the bad things that happen in life. That's what I used to say to myself.

This passed year, though, has been different. I've experienced so much pain and I would turn to God and ask for help, but I stopped hearing his answers. I started putting the blame on him for every bad thing that happened in my life and now it's gotten to the point where I'm questioning His existence.

How can I stop blaming Him? Why does He let bad things happen? Why does He let His "children" feel pain? Christ died for us, who are we suffering for? Why did He stop answering my prayers? Why can't I hear Him anymore? How can I keep going to church with such doubts in my mind and in my heart? How can I continue to believe He is there?

Mikayla

Greetings brothers and sisters I stumbled across this article when browsing this website in search of something to help me handle the hardships I am facing right now. I recognized myself in each comment written here. And trust me I do understand how each of you feel; even though every situation described here is different, we all speak the same language: Why does the Almighty allow trials and testings in our lives? I still don't get the answer and I might never get one on this of life. Everyday when I feel like giving in, I pray God to give His perspective on that matter so that I can go through.

To be honest it is quite disturbing reading all these stories because I recognize an amount of dysfunction, something I realize in myself but don't like to admit or be reminded of. At age 23 being hit with anxiety disorder that affects my everyday I too have asked questions. I wondered, why should I continue being a Christian when I am continually on my face crying out to Him but get no answers/comfort?! But I realized that God never promised He would answer all our questions or give us fuzzy feelings in every situation. I don't like accepting this because it would be nice, but God did promise that we would have trials and tribulation in the world. He also told us that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of Love, Power, and self-discipline (or a sound mind). I think some non-Christians have an advantage over us because they don't have a "God to blame" and get on with things. I totally agree that facing our doubts, our questions, our pain, is necessary. But know that it takes time, years, for our pain to be mended and questions to be answered. Everyday is a gift from God and He gives us grace to live ONE day at a time, and we have the strength and discipline to live one day at a time. In pain or in joy everyday we have a choice that noone else can make for us: Do we give our lives to God today, will we take care of ourselves today and not let our past steal from our today? It takes discipline and it dont necessarily make us feel better but I really want to encourage you that WHILE you are facing those questions, doubts, and hurts, don't let the devil steal from the gift of today God has given you. The only answer I've ever come to is that since God has not taken my life, He must still have purpose for me yet. If your questions are never answered and your sickness never taken away are you determined to serve God anyway? Thankfully God knows we don't always feel it but I am beginning to learn that faithfulness is a CHOICE, not a feeling. Let God hold onto the rest, He has big hands. We can drown with sorrow when we focus on the bad - but it takes discipline to stir up the spirit of power, love, and a sound-mind that God has given us. Please ladies, be encouraged and know that its just one day at a time.

Scripture says God loves me but right now I don't see it in my situation. My husband and I were accused of something we did not do and when the truth came out and all the smoke cleared the powers on this earth who can change things are still doing nothing but dragging their feet. Where is my shield and defense on God's part like He states in His word. When you love someone you don't allow others to hurt your child and just sit back and watch. Granted I don't know what God is doing behind the scenes but I don't see anything and this is over a year and my whole family is suffering.