My mother must have grown up in a household that didn't say I love you. I remember our house saying it, but it stopped when I was about 5 or 6. I can carry on conversations with my mother but she isn't my "mom". She has never reached out and comforted me in times of need. I remember the night my 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. We went straight to my mother and father's house from the doctor's office. I broke down in the kitchen and began crying, not knowing what to expect from this horrible disease. My mother's comforting words were "Stop crying before you scare your daughter!" This is just one of many examples of the lack of love I feel I grew up with.
God works on my heart constantly about this poor excuse for a mother-daughter relationship. My spirit says you cannot talk one way and live another. My mind says why should I be the one to try to mend what I didn't break. This article has helped me realize that regardless of the one at fault, my walk with God is compromised due to my reluctance to listen to his voice telling me what I should do! I am thankful that my relationship with my mother has helped me to be the mother to my children that I always felt I missed growing up!

Wow... I never thought that others felt that way. I feel like I have read thousands of cards over the years only to be disappointed that they said too much or didn't represent our relationship. Like you, my mom and I have grown closer over the distance (Well, there's a new rift to fix.), but I too am glad that picking out a card is easier.

I truly miss sending my mom Mother's Day cards and birthday cards.....cards out of the blue. See my mom's sudden death ended the joy, the bits of laughter, smiles, and the connection that I felt with her. We were very close; she was not only my mom, she was like a sister, my christian mentor, counselor, and my best friend. It is a void that can not be refilled, which deeply saddeneds me.
I know that I should have great comfort knowing that my mom is united with God in heaven....
In all honesty, I feel like a part of me died when she died.

My mother died before my first birthday. My father remarried when I was in elementary school. She took on the challenge of marrying a single father w/a young daughter in tow. Over the years that followed my stepmother and I had our ups and downs. She did her best to nurture me and to show me that I was loved. I can say she and my father did a great job of raising all of us (a brother and sister and me) as "our children" not as mine, yours and ours. Over the years I like most children/teens gave her a run for her money. She stood strong in her faith and stuck around. Our relationship was made even more difficult because I was resentful of her (why - who really knows) and because my dad kept trying to "make" us have a realtionship. Time and distance did help and now that I am a stepmother I can see what an example she set for me. We still occasionally have our ups and downs but overall I feel we have a good relationship.

When I was little, it was easy to make mushy cards for my mom, but then things changed when I hit my tween years. After that, it was difficult choosing cards or gifts for her - Mother's Day, birthday. I kept it light and funny since I knew it was expected, but my heart wasn't all flowery and sentimental. I won't go in to all the sad stories here but, before my mother passed away 14 years ago, I was able to accept who she was and not worry about what we didn't have. She did the best she could. Since then, God has given me so many women for whom I can buy cards and really mean the flowery sentiment within. I am grateful for each one of them and the season they were a part of my life.

I never realized there were others who had the same thoughts. My Mother has been dead many years abd it is still hard to realize she only loved ONE daughter and it certainly was not me.

The first year after my mother died, it was difficult to see all the Mother's Day cards. because my mom was gone!
In my book, Nobody's Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring, Comforting When Parents Die (Sorin Books) I write about that experience and others. Losing our mom (and dad) hits most people harder than they expect. I used prayer a lot when I stayed with my mom while she was terminally ill.

Nice to know I'm not alone. I too have a real challenge picking out Mother's Day cards for my mom. Like another poster mentioned, my mom wasn't a comforting "mom", either. I was primarily raised by my single-parent mother, and I always felt like a burden to her and in the way of her finding another husband. We had very little financially, so there was ALWAYS stress. I know now that my mother loved and still does love me, but I never really felt it from her. And at times, I still don't. But we are at least having some form of a relationship via phone these days. We've come a very long way. My lack of a real "mom" is the reason I haven't wanted to have children of my own, but this year my husband and I are gaining custody of his 17-year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'm extremely unsettled by this, and find myself praying about it a lot. As for picking out cards, I have more luck with cards that express the Godly sentiment along the lines of "honoring" my mother. Not overly flowery, because that is not our relationship. More just respecting the office that she holds, really. At least that's something, I guess. I had the same issues with picking out cards for my absentee father for Father's Day, too---before he passed away.

I am not nearly as attentive to my mom as I should be, and other than busy-ness, there's little excuse. I don't care for picking out cards because I feel like a hypocrite. If the cards say "You're the greatest Mom!" then why do I only tell her that once a year?

We don't have a bad relationship. I just know it could be better if I made more effort...

My mother is more affectionate with her 7 grand children than she ever was with her six children. We always felt unloved and unwanted, except for my youngest brother who was named after her dad. I am a lovey- dovey kind, but not her, not then. After I became a Christian, I tried many times to reach out to her and for a while we became close. But her nasty controlling nature became too much for us kids and my dad. She never liked any of our boy/girl friends; it is as if no one is ever good enough for her kids. So we lost out on many good choices because we were afraid of angering her lest she curses us. No wonder 3 of her daughters are single parents now. Mum also ruined the relationship between herself and my brother's bride. The girl now does not wish to visit mum unless it is absolutely necessary. 8 years ago mum hurt me very deeply, and although I told her so, she did not care, stop or even apologise. All this time she was a Christian. It wasn't long before, dad left. For many years, there had been bad fights and many tears between them as he too is also controlling. Now we kids have to provide financially for mum. I invited her to come live with me and my family for the past one year as we tried to have a relationship. So far it has been good. She is really trying hard and at 62, has realised she now faces life alone. Emotionally though, I find it hard to trust her. But in obedience to God, I resolved to continue taking care of her and pray for the healing in her heart. I still struggle in expressing my love to her and have to ask God for help. Watching mum, I now understand that her life must have been tough, after all it is not easy to be married and have your first child at 16. She did the best she thought how, only she did not understand the issues of boundaries, that we have to teach her now, and boy, is she learning....truly, with God all things are possible.

I have the exact same problem and I also had it when I tried to find a MDay card for my grandmother. She didn't teach me to bake or fix my skinned knees. I left home at 15 and pretty much raised myself after years of no one being there to help me.
I've always thought about starting a line of cards myself. I've come to terms with the fact that my mom will never be any different but it is hard to find MDay and Birthday cards for her that wouldn't be outright lies....

My God knows my mom was not perfect. Her mom was not perfect and I am not even close. I have realized that each person mother's the best they can with what they have learned. In the Bible the older women in the church are asked to teach the younger women how to be good wives and loving mother's. As we have moved away from the churches because of jobs, or whatever else...we have lost alot of teaching that is treasure from these older women.Sadly our skills at relationships are failing because of this. I do find it hard to buy a Mother's day card. I learned more about mothering from Mrs. Jan McClain than I did from my own mom. But I do truly
love my mom. I feel sad that we will never be truly meshed because it is just not there. But yes I love her. She is the mom God gave me and there was a reason. I thank my Lord and Savior for my mom because she did and does pray not just for me but for my kids and grandkids...and anyone else I ask her to pray for. I think that choosing to look at your mother, father of anyone else with God's eyes changes our attitude and when our attitude is changed...so is the relationship. When I was little I just saw her anger, now I can see all of the hurts that the anger was covering. It sometimes takes a long time for anyone to give anger over to our Lord so the hurts can be healed...but she is doing it. I know I can do it also. Thank you,Helene