this article was amazing. i have been married for 5 years now and frequently have dreams about past lovers. i recently realized that i have been holding onto these memeories. I know its not healthy but i felt helples. this article has showed me that i need to repent and pray. i never thought those dreams would hurt my relationship with God. I love God and my husband and desire to be free

What a daring, courageous article! Thank you for speaking the truth and being honest about something that many of us (maybe most?) are guilty of, but would feel too embarrassed to admit.

While I don't relate specifically to your type of heart disease ... my heart disease is INDIFFERENCE ... towards my husband, family, friends.

I've been 'living'(?) with Depression/S.A.D. for over 26 years .(Childlessness probably the biggest culprit) .. and because of several stressful triggers this winter ... gay brother, shunning by my Mother and other brothers because of my beliefs/ values /feelings; Losing over half of our life's savings because of the housing market thing; quitting smoking; Osteoporosis &/or OsteoArthritis affecting my left arm, hand & wrist ... and marital problems because my husband, of 33 years, is tired of ALL this (read: verbal & emotional abuse - anger, rage, yelling) ... at least once a week for the past 10 years, he mentions the "D" word!

... Well, my Heart is in really rough shape. I feel NOTHING!! for Anyone or Anything!! I haven't been to church in over 6 months. I've been 'holed' up in our cabin in the mountains since January - going into town twice a month for groceries. I feel alienated from my husband, siblings, Mother. Feel like/know that our church family does not care. Difficult to pray ... Major Heart Disease ........ any suggestions???

Thank you. I resently was in a volunteer position where I had developed a crush on a man in charge of my department. I knew it was wrong, for two months I allowed my thought life to continue down a road of sin. Thankfully, I never acted on those thoughts.

Finally, one day I came to my senses and realized that I needed to remove myself from the whole situation. I excused myself for a time, had my vice-chair do the meetings face to face and most importantly started have devotional times with my husband.

I have now re-entered my position full time but before I enter that mans office I make sure I have a time of worship and prayer where I focus on God and renew my mind. Not only has my time with God by myself and with my husband strengthened my marriage and spiritual life. My time with God has allowed me to be more open with others about my faith. Now the relationship that I had with that man has totally changed. He approached me and asked that I pray for him. With the Holy Spirit's prompting I suggested that he could speak with a fellow worker (A man) who he could share his prayer requests with. My boss did approached the other Christian in the office to ask him to pray for him and his marriage. Shortly after another worker in the office (A woman) approached me to pray with her for her children and her search for a stronger relationship with God.

It's amazing to see the difference in our office. When I stopped and thought about how things could be different if I had acted on my thought life, I shudder. Praise God.

this is a very good article. I was released from the hospital lastnight after about 5 hrs. I was having sharp pains in my heart and now have to have a stress test. Thanks for sharing on matters of the heart.

I really enjoyed your story of your heart...I like you had been married for many years and someone told me about this site I could go to to find new friends, I didn't have any firends in the city where I live, so I thought this would be great...After I had done my profile , etc. the next day I went back to the site to see if I had any messages, wow, there was one, and a picture of a good looking man, my heart skipped a beat...I read his message, and after very little thought I messaged him back, the more messaging, the more I was having feelings for this man.......this went on for about 6 months until all my money was used up, u see, he was asking me each time for money and I was giving it to him, I even left my husband because of all his promises to me..With God Help and my husbands forgiving heart.. I am now thankful that God kept me in His care...but the guilt remains to this day, but with God on my side I know I will mend....

Thank you for your honesty. Yes, those crushes can seem so real. One thing (as a single woman) I try to do is to pray for the strengthening of his marriage. That's usually an excellent barometer to me of my heart state. Plus, it hurts enough to think of them becoming closer that I usually stay away from thoughts of him. Then I try to focus on committing my feelings to God so I don't feel deprived.

Dear Nancy,
I admire your honesty in writing this piece, and I understand the powerful distraction of a crush! They aren't just for teenagers.

I also think it's important for women to read that we too can be affected by lust and other issues generally primarily seen to affect men.

There are a couple of things I wanted to ask you about
- the scripture from Psalms about the heart being deceitful was written before Jesus came to be God among us, and before it became possible for us to be filled with His Holy Spirit when we become believers. I'm interested in whether you think it still applies to us in quite the same way as at the time when it was written;
- you mention asking God to show you "something about the guy that's a turn off". I wonder at the wisdom of this to distract you - it seems like 'the damage' is done at the time when you pray. God has been gracious in responding to your prayer. I have found God willing to answer prayers where I ask Him to show me the truth about a boyfriend (I should add that I'm single). However could your prayer rather be, instead of relying on seeing the splinter in your crush's eye, to see the log in your own - to avert the attachment to a man other than your husband BEFORE it happens. How about asking God for a change of heart towards the men you meet? You could try reading a book by Merlin Carothers called "what's on your mind".
Kind regards and blessings
Tina

I'm so glad to know that you have experienced several "crushes" on men during your years of a successful marriage! I have been married for 32 years as well, and to a wonderful guy that I love dearly, yet have had attractions for other men. Again, I never acted on those crushes, and I had to get back to a right relationship with the Lord along with my husband and family. Knowing that I am not alone in such struggles has helped me with the guilt that I still carry. Thank-you for being so honest!
Shawn from N.C.

This article not even show your courage, but it shows that God allways has a way to bring us back.
Thanks for your courage and honesty.

Di,

Get out of that cabin. Get back in community with other christ-followers. Disconnecting is a sign of depression. You have many struggles in your life. Let God and others help you through. Some times we need help to pull ourselves back up. Find that help with God and others.

Blessings

This is in response to Tina's post.
Tina, you asked about the Old Testament scripture and whether it applies today in the same way that it was written. I'm not a theologian, but I believe that that particular scripture about the heart being deceitfully wicked is still true today.
Yes, in Christ I am forgiven and the penalty of my sin is taken away, but sin still dwells in me and I cannot trust my heart to do what's right.
Does that make sense?
Next, you asked about asking God to show me something about a guy that would be a turn off and instead see the "log in my own eye."
The problem with limited blog space is not being able to explain everything. Thank God we can comment back and forth!
I didn't mean to imply (infer?) that I don't see the "log" (my sin)!
It's been a while since I've had a crush, but when I have, believe me--I'm well aware of my sin!
However, I think at that first, "Hmmm...that guy's cute," to ask God for a way of escape is completely biblical.
If I know, "Oh yeah, he has a bad temper," or "His desk is a mess," then it stops my thoughts from wandering before it becomes a problem. So, it's really more of a pre-emptive measure before there's any "damage" done.

Thanks for making me think about what I write. I appreciate that.

This is in response to Di's post on indifference:
I wish I had some wise words to give you, but I'm afraid anything I could say would be trite and not helpful.
But I want you to know that I feel your indifference, which I think is just your heart's way of protecting itself--as if you've had all you can handle and you just want to be in a cocoon.
I don't know if I've ever been where you are, but in my own way I have during a time of deep depression (my husband's, not mine but I was affected by it nonetheless).
There's a proverb that says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick," and I knew that my heart was sick.
I can only say from the perspective of looking back that God met me during that time of heart sickness and lost hope.
My mentor once told me that we have the past to look forward to--that one day the pain (or indifference) we feel today will be in the past and we can say, "Oh. God really WAS there."
I don't know if this helps. I've asked God to let you glimpse hope.
NK

THIS IS SO GOOD! I love my husband, and have in the past felt so guilty about this issue. It is sin, and I have repented, but it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one with this issue! My husband is such a good man, he'd be devistated if he knew that this is a problem that I face. No, I've never acted on anything, not to say that I've not had oppertunity, but GOD has delivered me! I've been so ashamed because I thought there was something wrong with me. Please pray for me, that the LORD will take over this area of my life, and I'll see Satan for who he is. I can't tell you how this has made me feel, to know that I'm not alone on this one. Thanks Nancy, and all the other posts!

Di,
I empathise with you and the depression.Sometimes life can hand even christians a 'bitter cup',but tell you what,dont run from God.The Psalmist said that 'When I sit in darkness you will be my light'.Let God illuminate you back to a place of light and joy,though mourning may last for a night,joy cometh with the morning.
I will be praying for you,and please trust God to lead you to believers who will love and pray you back to normalcy.
I do know that sometimes you can be in a fellowship that may not understand where you are coming from,but there is help and may God order your steps aright to a some still waters where your soul may be refreshed.I love you and God does so much more,his Love is relentless!

God bless you in the truest sense of the Word.

Hello Everyone,

This is a great post Nancy. Your Article is so pertinent to Christians. I have been married over 32 years now to a wonderful man. Before we were married I had been in love with and engaged to a couple men, they obviously did not work out! But that did not stop my heart and mind from thinking about them especially when my husband and I would have a tiff. You know, 'What would my life have been like if ....'.

Anyway one time those thoughts were really messing with me and my marriage. Then the Lord gave me incite into the fact that our enemy was feeding my mind with these temptations about these other men. Our best weapon against our enemy is prayer because it opens the door for the Lord to do battle on our behalf.

The enemy loves to tempt us then lay guilt on us for our thought life...when much of it is instigated by him. The thing you have to do is recognize it is him, learning how to guard your heart and mind. By not take up the challenge of improper thoughts that carry you away to thinking about doing something you should not. But as some have related to us, 'They make you feel good.' Another enemy trick.

When I realized what the enemy was doing to me I was so mad, I began to pray for those men and asked the Lord to forgive them and lead christian people into their life to witness to them and give them an opportunity to know the Lord as their savior. Then I prayed, forgive me for the thoughts I have entertined and anything I did that might have led them away from knowing you Lord.

At that time in my life I was like a preachers kid in rebellion and trying to figure out what I did believe. If we shut God out of our life then we are vulnerable to do things that we would not if we have our eyes on the Lord and his word.

The point is that our enemy does not want you to rely on the Lord for strength, nor does he want you to pray. Especially for men that he is having us tempted in thinking about in such a way as to destroy our life with our husband. When I began to pray for those men the way I did, the enemy stop-ed interfering with me in my thought life 'with those thoughts.'

And if I am in a situation that there is an attractive man I have to work with, I pray for his soul and salvation in the Lord and for God to bless him in his life. Some times God has put them into my life to witness to them and they have become good family friends.

We are all tempted in similar ways, it is not the temptation that is the sin. If we pray God makes us a door to escape... I believe he sets his angels at work immediately battling against our enemy and his tricks to destroy us. Then we must fill our thoughts with somthing else and find ways to draw closer to our husband. As for single women I believe this will work for you also if you have decided to remain celibate or not, you will have to ask the Lord to help you keep guard on your thoughts and heart the same as married women.

By the way my enemy has only tried one more time to snare me, but I prayed for the other persons soul and salvation. The enemy must hate it because he has not tried that temptation on me for a long time.

PatriciaD-Idaho

To Reesa and Nancy,
Thank you for caring!
Di.

This is such a brave and wonderful post! I can more than identify with this dilemma but now speak from a position of victory over these. Yet, I find I now am at the opposite end of the scale now.

Since my teenage years, I was desperate for male attention, with only my Christian beliefs and pickiness holding me back from being promiscuous.

At college I met my wonderful husband and married him after graduation. But not happily; fearfully and filled with dread. I knew he was a wonderful man but I still had this secret obsession with male attention.

I soon started on a decade-long bout of sinful thoughts and even adultery to feed this evil monster. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I had no peace, despite prayer and self-loathing. Why I would be like the woman in the well when I had a wonderful husband who adored me?

God showed me finally that I was suffering from sex addiction and He led me to the online course Setting Captives Free.

Praise God He did set me free from this sick enslavement. I no longer look at men like I used to. My heart and mind no longer leave the strait and narrow path.

Yet I find that I have a different problem now. Not only have I lost all my lustful passions for other men, I have none for my husband.

My desire for my husband left me a long time ago and unfortunately, it has not returned since I was saved from my addiction. It is like a food addict who no longer wishes to eat and will therefore starve to death.

This is so encouraging (not to do bad) just to know as the word of God says that no temptation is greater than us and that what we are going through is common and some of our sisters in Christ have or are also experiencing it, and have them share with us is more encouraging and makes you to stand up to the evil one and fight. Thanks sisters and let us stand firm against the enemy of our souls and fight, we have victory over him.

Thanks so much for sharing that with us. Yes it is also a problem I have been struggling with over the last year and have been shocked by the strength of my feelings for this other guy (he's no idea) and how difficult it has been to shake them off. My husband and I have been married for nearly 26 years and have been going through a few difficulties, so I put some of it down to this, though I'm heartened to know that others have this problem who seem to have no obvious difficulties in their marriage.
Like others, I have felt terrible guilt, but we have now sought counseling as a couple to try and mend the broken places in our relationship. I have also tried to keep away from the guy and concentrate on our relationship. I have asked God to help me see the flaws in the person I have a crush on, because it's easy to fantasize that this is some kind of perfect hero who will fill in all the gaps in my life. I know only God can do this through Jesus and it is just an enormous temptation to think that anyone else can. I also keep reminding myself of the consequences if I gave in to this temptation - it's a good reality check to remember stories of people whose lives have been left shattered by adultery. It is not a sin to be tempted, but the strength of it can only be conquered with God's help. If anyone out there is struggling and has already gone further than they know they should, reach out to Him - He has compassion and forgiveness for you.

I say AMEN to that!

Yes, this is a courageous article.
I'm so glad you used the word crush. We all know that crushes are based upon feelings and boy can they be overwhelming sometimes. We shouldn't be surprised that the enemy of our souls will use these crushes to get us to act upon them and always to make us feel guilty because he wants more than anything to disconnect with The Father, so we will become even more vulnerable to his tactics.

I once had a crush on a minister for peats sake! I remember a couple things that stopped me in my tracks: First of all, I knew it was wrong, second, I knew that the characteristics that attracted to me him in the first place would not be there if He reciprocated any of my feelings.

Di, if you're taking any antif-drepresseants they can be the cause of your numbness.

This article is great, but I have prayed for God to give me guidance in my last relationship, only to finally realize that the man was lying and manipulating me the entire time, not to mention being verbally abusive. I have not given up on my faith, but I really question why God didn't answer my prayers. Now I only feel empty, shamed and guilty for believing him, and going along with the things we did. I just don't trust my judgement especially when I think I am trusting God. It's not like I am 20 years old, I'm 48 I should have known better, so I have been beating myself up terribly. any advice?

Di, I have suffered depression and 'aloneness' for many years even though I have been married over 40 years. Depression makes you look inward. The other gals are right, get out, get involved. Volunteering to help those less fortunate is a good way to redirect some of the 'poor me' thoughts. Don't forget to seek medical help. There are drugs that can help lift the cloud you're under. One of the most important helps I've found is a ladies' study group that prays for me and really cares about what's going on in my life. It's easy to crawl into your shell, and sometimes, I'll admit it is helpful to deal with some of these problems alone, but as the song says, "People Need People". Find at the least a Christian prayer buddy. Don't fall into the trap of isolation; nothing good comes from that.

Thank you for being honest and posting this article. I originally thought this was about health issues, but I am glad it's more about our spiritual health. Although I am not married, I want to be able to recognize signs of "heart failure" and always take preventative care so I do not fall. Thank you again for your honesty. It encourages me to live a life of purity for the Lord and daily do a heart check. God Bless

lord bless the sick and the needy

lord send angels to open up the wellsprings of the soul

and to pour healing balms out over every hurt

lord inspire us to minister to one another

and to love the unlovely

amen

I have been married for 2 yrs now and I love my husband but the person that I am in love with is from a past relationship. I am in love with this person and to tell you the truth I believe I married untruthfully. I was in love with my past partner when I got married. Can you give me some advice?