The (Not So) Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year
And why I praise God for it
I’m sitting in yet another hospital waiting room.
Ever since my husband, Barry, first underwent open heart and quadruple bypass surgery 15 months ago, I’ve been in this waiting room—or one just like it—more times than I can count on one hand, waiting for him to come out of the operating room.
In little more than a year’s time, my vocabulary has increased to include words and phrases such as aneurysm, atrial fib, and EP study with ablation. They all mean I have to put on a cheery face, kiss Barry good-bye, and promise I won’t worry about him or forget to eat lunch and lock the garage door at night while he’s in the hospital again.
With all Barry’s surgeries and procedures, we’ve had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year, one of the worst in our 32 years together. Yet, ironically, it’s also turned out to be the best.
I learned just how deeply Barry loves me. As he was all prepped and waiting to go into surgery to repair his aortic aneurysm, Barry looked at my friend Tara, who was waiting with us, and said, “Make sure Nancy takes care of herself. Promise me, or else I’ll worry.”
He wasn’t worried about being sliced open again—he was worried about me.
I still can’t get that out of my mind—that Barry would be concerned more about my well-being than about his own. I fell in love with him all over again. I love him because he first loved me. Sounds biblically familiar, doesn’t it?
I came to faith in Christ three years after Barry and I married, and for almost 30 years I prayed about my husband’s relationship with the Lord. Then the day of Barry’s open heart surgery, he told me if he died, I’d see him again, because he knew Jesus was his Savior. He prayed with me, he prayed with a friend, and he prayed with his surgeon. Barry hasn’t stopped praying—he prays with me every day.
What I’d asked God for all these years—to heal the spiritual rift in my marriage, to bring my husband and me close—God had given. He’d performed heart surgery on us both, ripping us apart and knitting us back together.
And I remembered the apostle Paul’s words—that “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).
God’s been good. He’s has been faithful and terribly, terribly kind!
Barry and I talk often about this past year, how it’s been awful—and awfully good. We wouldn’t wish this kind of year on anyone and wouldn’t want to go through it again, but we’re glad it happened.
We thank God for the good days and the bad, because in all our days God’s held us both securely in his grip. We’ve known God’s incredible kindness to us. Our hearts are in his hands.
We’ve had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year—and I praise God for it.
P.S. The doctor just came in, and he’s smiling.
Blessings,
Romans 8:28 says God works everything together for good for those who are his. How have you seen God working the terrible things in your life for good? How have you experienced his kindness to you this year?
Posted at 8:53 AM on December 5, 2007.
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This has encouraged me to CONTINUE to pray for "the spiritual rift in my marriage, to bring my husband and me close" - If you hung in there 30+ years, so can I. It is my belief that in God's time- my husband will be won. Please pray for me.
Posted by: Roman 8:28 Believer on December 6, 2007
This is a beautiful testimony of a Christian wife who remained committed to her husband in praying for him. As a hospital chaplain and RN, I know God has given me the best job in the world. To be with people in crisis and to objectively minister to their needs is the most most wonderful opportunity. This testimony of love will remain on my heart as I visit my patients. Thanks for sharing it.
Posted by: Anne on December 7, 2007
What a sweet story of God's faithfulness.
May he heap blessing upon blessing on you and your husband in the coming year.
Posted by: Becky on December 7, 2007
I started not to read your blog because my husband and I are going through some of the same things heart problems, but when you said your husband cared more about you then his well being it stuck a cord. My husband no matter what he is going through always tell me that he doesn't want me to worry but that he prays to GOD for me to be safe and get some rest when we are apart. He really doens't let me take care of him like I want to, but I know he loves me. Thanks for the uplifting words. I will continue to pray for your huband and you and ask that you do the same.
Posted by: D. Zachery on December 7, 2007
In God, I've become a very grateful, thankful person. I often look around me and wonder why others are not. We gripe about any and everything---I'm sure I was the same before God gave me his gift of appreciation. Reading this letter helps me to realize that there are people that realize that throughout every trial and inconvenience is something wonderful from God. Hallelujah!
Posted by: Nina on December 7, 2007
You are an encouragement to me too! I have had the honor of sharing God's faithfulness in a rough journey these past three years too, although it has been me in the hospital or recovering from surgeries etc. I just had a "minor" nerve freezing done on the c2 & c3 nerves near my spine in my neck--treating headaches since I had a clumsy fall and split my head open to the skull, with a broken nose and facial bone, 52 + stitches in 3 layers. SO KEEP UP the JOY!!!
Posted by: Linda on December 7, 2007
This article spoke to MY heart. My husband left after 2.5 years of marriage. I trust God to deal with this and him, and to return a faithful husband to me. Thanks for encouragement that you CAN get through ALL the "stuff" in marriage..TOGETHER!!
Posted by: Committed but separated on December 7, 2007
Bless You...your article has given me hope and has given me encouragement to hold
on to my marriage!
Posted by: Teri on December 8, 2007
Thank you for your story it encouraged me I sometimes doubt the power I have as a wife to pray for my husband for the lord's ways to be his ways as well. I will recommit myself to praying for him and I wish your husband complete recovery
Posted by: olivia on December 10, 2007
I, too, had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. But I also saw good come of it. My husband and I both have grown spiritually and the horrible health crisis I went through has humbled and matured me. I also lost my beloved Gram this year, but I found a wonderful new friend, too. Talk about perspective! I take better care of myself now, and I think this next year will hold our rewards for being steadfast through this awful nightmare. Funny---this is exactly what our pastor preached on yesterday morning at church, including the reference to Romans 8:28. Could the Holy Spirit be trying to tell me something?! Thanks for the reminder. Cherri
Posted by: Cherri on December 10, 2007
This has been the worst year of my 30 years on this planet, and your post has given me hope that somehow God will work through it. I'm not seeing it yet, but you have given me the courage to believe. Even though I'm hanging on by a thread, I'm still hanging on... I have to believe that God will catch me if I fall.
Posted by: Heather on December 11, 2007
Thank you for your message. I, too, have been praying for my husband to come to the Lord. It is good to know that it happens with some people even after a long time. I'm happy that things are going well for you now and pray that they continue.
Posted by: JoAnn on December 28, 2007
Wow! Talk about confirmation! It's been 5.5 years for us. My husband (33 years and counting) had MAJOR medical problems in 2002! Brain surgery and a stroke. It hasn't been easy, but each and every time I get to that "I can't TAKE this anymore" stage God sends someone or something to remind me that "this too shall pass" and that HE alone is who I must rely on. I was definately feeling sorry for myself today and a good friend sent your blog to me saying how you reminded her of me! Wow! My hubby is also more concerned about my well being than his own (frustrating since I'm the proverbial caregiver/fixer and he wont LET me). Hang in there and continue to encourage others.
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