Wow... I could be Jill. Thanks SO much for this article. I greatly appreciate it!

What a sweet reminder of God's grace - he forgives our sins and rewards our faithfulness by crediting it to us as righteousness. May we all strive to do as well by each other!
I think you're right on - so many women forget the power God can direct through them, both to move through life perhaps unequally yoked, but also to win their husbands to Christ. What a perfect setting for evangelism - and I don't mean "preaching" - silence in this case is probably best. But our Godly actions, our deliberate kindness, honor, and respect, and our constant prayer for our loved one's deliverance can literally melt a heart of steel into the perfect mold for loving the Lord. My own husband is a perfect example of a man won to the Lord as an adult, after we married - and let me tell you I was no shining Christian example - God can make do with very little in this department if I'm any indication.
There is no room for guilt in the heart of a wife who is busy looking at her husband through the eyes of Christ....isn't it just like our enemy to use guilt to keep us from that charge.
Thanks for a terrific article!

Thank you Nancy, what a load off! I pray somehow the older godly woman who offered this advice will come to understand your wisdom.
I am new to your blog, but not new to your books. I would like to start a ministry in my church for women in Spiritually Unequal Marriages. What are your suggestions? Are there any ministries out there, already established in churches? I'd love to get more information, what has worked, what hasn't, how to promote it, etc...
Sweet Blessings to you all,
Kimberly

A book I would recommend would be Beloved Unbeliever by Jo Berry. Great insight and wisdom from the WORD!

:)God Bless! :)Amy

Thank you. My situation was similar, although I married a Christian. I believed at the time that God did not want us to marry. My marriage has not been happy, and I have had a hard time forgiving myself for disobeying God.

My husband is a nice person. I still wish, however, that I had not disobeyed God; both because I should not have, and because I must still suffer for it by remaining in an unfulfilling union. But I must accept God's forgiveness, and work on making my marriage the best that it can be.

worth reading

My husband was a non-Christian when I married him. I never felt guilt in my heart for accepting that commitment. I knew God was using me to change the one I loved. It took a lot of faith, prayers and time. It was during a trying time in his life that my husband became a Christian. We all have a purpose. His life is forever changed, and our marriage is stronger than ever.

Finally, someone speaks to this issue! I was a very new believer when I married my husband 35 years ago and did not even realize that it was wrong until many years after we were married.
Thinking "He'll come around and get saved" was spiritual immaturity at its worst. My decision had consequences that I live with daily.

I wish I could say the relationship has been a good one. Being married to an unbeliever is difficult enough, but when that person has a drinking problem and mocks the faith you hold so dear, it is a living prison.
Having a spouse who does not share my beliefs leaves a big hole in the relationship where a common and intimate sharing should be present, leaving me lonley and empty. I sit alone in church every week longing to be one of the couples who hold hands as they worship together.
There is great pain in knowing that he has been exposed to the gospel numerous times and has refused to acknowledge Jesus as Savior. I have been to a counselor and tried every suggested solution, even contemplating separation or divorce, but something keeps me in this relationship.
My realtionship with Christ was suffering along with my marriage. But when I determined that my relationship with Christ is first, He provided all that is needed to keep me close to Him. The trials I have faced have driven me closer to Christ and have made me strong.

All these years I have punished myself over and over again for making this decision, always feeling that I had to keep confessing it. Carrying that guilt around for so long can really weigh a girl down. Thank you, Nancy, for setting me straight on this!

I enjoyed this article. I too, am a Christian who married an non believer because I was rebelling against my parents. I sometimes feel very much like I am being punished by God for disobeying both Him and my parents. Thank you for helping me to feel a bit more free this morning,, knowing that I have asked for forgiveness but at the same time I also know that right now I am to be an example for my husband.

I'm sorry, but whoever said marrying a man you're in love with is a sin? Especially if this woman got married during a season of struggle in her faith, later coming back to the Lord, how on earth can this be considered a "sin" to be "repented" of?? And who is to say God didn't put them together, in His divine will, to draw the husband to Him? Not all marriages fit the "perfect little Christian" mold.

The answer is simple: pray for your husband.

If you continually look at your marriage as a "sin" you will only walk in misery. And your husband will interpret that misery as a shortcoming on his part...and as God coming between you.

I would encourage you to find joy in your marriage, joy in your faith, and pray that God speaks to your husband in His timing.

Hi, I have a friend who is a single Mum and a born-again christian. She is currently seeing a non-believer even though she knows its wrong. She thinks he is an answer to a prayer she prayed for a companion. She is determined to have this guy even though its seems as though he is just using her for one thing. I keep praying for God's truth to be revealed to her before she makes an even bigger mistake. I've told her exactly what I think and she agrees with me 100% and yet she is still giving herself to an ungodly man. It breaks my heart and I keep praying for her and her kids. Living in Australia I am unfamiliar with you or your book but it sounds very timely in an age where even christine single women have a hard time letting God be everything they need until He can bring them a Godly mate. That is one thing I've told my friend. What if a Godly singly man comes into your life and really wants to get to know you and enjoys your kids and is ready to give himself to you and you are stuck with this other guy. You'd miss out on God's blessing cause you made a bad decision.But her heart is set. So I keep praying and we get together and just try to be there for her. God bless you as you minister to these women who need someone to show them the way.

I am a pastor's daughter, grew up in a christian home where everyone is devoted to serving the Lord. Early in my rebellious years, I met someone and after 6 months of dating, decided to tie the knot. It wasn't because I was pregnant, because we still don't have any kids after 3 yrs of marriage.
I let him know that I would only marry him if he was christian, although at the time we were living in sin. He had my parents fooled, thinking that he was a very spiritual guy, he knows the bible pretty well. But now that i've changed over the years, and my walk with Jesus has grown, he is still the same. We just got back from an amazing service and he found an excuse to smoke, he said that i made him mad about something. I was really upset, I wish he would stop reverting to his old ways. I look at him as my leader, and would love to be that proverbs 31 woman that my mum is. I just hope that God delivers him quick because I feel like we're going back 2 steps when he does these things. I love him, but sometimes I just can't help but wonder if it would get better. I pray that one day we are on the same accord. I know that Jesus will take us higher then. Please pray for us!

Thank you for your wonderful words.
I recently had some issues with my non-christian mate. For the past 5 years, I have been carrying the burden of guilt that I felt for being with him, and this has really driven a wedge between us - we have become resentful to each other.

One day, out of the blue, I felt the urge to pray for forgiveness, and I truly felt the Lord forgiving me for being with a non-christian.

True, I may not be married to him, & I may have time to turn away, but the most important thing I have learnt is to treasure and honour whoever comes my way, because God wants us to show love to those around us, no matter what race/ religion. And I am determined not to allow others to influence my judgement, and allow God to do His work in my life.

I was also married to an unbeliever,i kept on praying and beliving God to transform him ,things got worse he slept with our helper, We tried to resolve the situation and it boiled in such a way that he became involved with a woman in our neibourhood.I decided to file for a devorce and moved out of the house. six months down the line i was shot on the chest while i was in the bathroom of my new home. i confesed the scripture no weapon forme against me shall prosper, i prayed all the way to the hospital and today i am completely healed and i have forgiven my ex-hubbyand moved on with my life. I would like to conclude by saying,we as believers God has given us the Spirit of wisdom that enables us to pick some of the bad things from our partners but we normally turn a blind eye on them.His Grace is sufficient enough for us and He always forgive us whenever we have sinned or done wrong to Him. thanks to all who will read this article.

Yes! I agree that this article is great. I would however want to stress like the writer that, for those who are not yet married, please do not make a mistake of married a non-beleiver.

I have been down that road myself where I have dated a non-believer and I later come to learn that the guy was only out to use me. This hurt me so baldy but our God is gracious and after repentance and giving the whole of myself back to God, He has healed the wounds that were inflicted on me and I am now confident of God's love and forgiveness for me. I believe that if i was in a relationship with a godly man, evn if things could still not have worked, but at least because of his fear of God, I would not have ended up feeling used and unworthy, we would just have parted ways, coz atleast that person loves God and they respect His children but with a non-believer, u can forget it, if they don't believe in your God, why would he respect you or cherish you.

However i agree with the writer that those who are already married should stick to their marriages and continue praying for God's grace in the life of their mates to be revelaed.

Thanks again that was a nice article.

Lucy

I am so blessed. Being single, and seeking God for his chosen one for me. Knowing the truth, yet at one time involved with an unbeliever. I ask God to forgive me but sometimes feel the guilt of not being obedient to God. But thankyou again for your article. I've repented and believe that his will be done in my life.

Thankyou

Thank you so much for this article. I will stress to those born again Christian sisters who are single to please in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ not to get involved with any unbeliever because the bible clearly states in I Corinthians 14 - 16 "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what has righteouness got to do with lawlessness? and what communion has light with darkness? and what accord has Christ with Belial? or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? and what agreement has the temple of God with Idols? for you are the temple of the living God. I was married to an unbeliever and I suffered emotional, physical and mental abuse from this man. I was a Christian when I married him, but I disobeyed my God and I suffered the consequences. I am now divorced and the Lord is healing me day by day through the suffering I have been through. God is so gracious to me and provides my needs and through this suffering I am determind to stand on God's word never to date an unbeliever, because his word is through in saying that with Him all things are possible and so I will wait on him until he sends me his own son, a true believer in Christ who will cherish and love me and my kids for who we are and with whom I can share the same fellowship in Christ with.

As a recently divorce woman I longed for companionship. I reached out to members of the church as well as some family but no one has the time. Then I realized that I really don't want to be with someone most of the time. What I really want is a stronger faith, a stronger relationship with the One Who made me. I have found that although human companionship is a lot of fun and often work, I find completion and security in my Lord and Savior. My questions are answered, my anxieties are calmed, my depression is lifted and I receive a peace from trusting in His promises. So, why worry about meeting a man. We can truly find peace in developing and growing spiritually and consequently, we will be ready for the good plan the Lord has for each of us!

I do not believe that marrying an unbeliever is a sin. It may not be in the best interests of those concerned, and it may bring a lot of hardhip. yes. but i don't believe that makes it a sin because God loves the unbeliever and wishes thay they become saved. Having said that, I would not advise anyone to marry an unbeliever, but for those that have or find themselves doing so, find out if it is God's will for you and know that the road may be rough.

marrying an unbeliever might be a sin but there are believers who are worse than theunbeliever. my lifehas been help and right now i am thinking of giving it up.

Nice article.
I think the Bible is quite clear about this issue when it's says we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. As one of the ladies rightly said, if a man does not fear God, there's no way he will respect you or treat you the way God says he should, which is to love you as himself.
I know the emotions run and it's easy to fall for a nice, fine looking unbeliever but after all is said and done, when God gives a command it is for our own good.
What about the children? How can we teach them God's ways if our husbands are teaching them something else?
A word is enough for the wise.
For all my sisters already married, I would say hold on to God, He will make the bitter waters sweet again. Hold on

"I urge any Christian woman contemplating marrying an unbeliever not to do so. Why invite trouble? As I said, relationships are difficult enough. "

Yes I agree - sadly divorced since 9/2007
no children
I had no business marrying anyone

Your scripture from 1 John has helped me.
Realizing the power of God's love and knowing I must forgive myself is the beginning of my life at age 54 :-)

Thanks.

I must rely on Jesus now to show me who I am as a woman and a worker and a friend. I knew about Jesus as a child but grew up without my earthly father and it took a toll on my self esteem.

Finally I am learning there's nothing on earth from any man that is equal to God's love for me!

Thank you all for this site and your posts
and especially Pat/November 6th.

Am sharing this site with some girl friends out here in the Phoenix, Arizona area.
Joyous Christmas everyone.

Thanks so much for this article. I have come across it at a difficult time in my life.

I am married to a non-christian and the marriage has been rocky from day 1. My entire family and church warned me from marrying him, I just would not listen.

I have been out of my matrimonial home for about 2 months now, in order to 'breathe'. At this time obviously everyone has an opinion, but I feel, no I know that marrying him was a grave mistake, but am not convinced that divorcing him will not be another.

Those who say a christian marrying a non-christian is not a sin do not know what they are talking about. The sin here is the sin of 'disobedience', and the bible says obedience is better than sacrifice. Disobedience caused the children of Isreal to wander in the desert for 40 years, on a journey that should have taken days.

I had to repent of my sin - the sin of disobedience, the bible says - He who conceals his sins does not prosper,but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Thank God for his word that also says - Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

If you a christian and are yet to marry, PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE, I beg in the name of Jesus, do not disobey God by marrying an unbelievr, He is a very jealous God and will do everything to win you back.

Thank you so much for your article and all of the comments. It has encouraged me at a time that I felt like I needed strength to continue on.

At the age of 30 I married a man who assured me of his like faith[ It was both of our FIRST and only marriage .

I was as careful as I knew to be to examine him to see if we were of like faith ..he was young in his faith ...but at the time I did not know to make SURE of his faith by testimony of a WALK, to be able to note God's work in his life.

What he SAID was he had the same faith as I ...what is NOT true is I had spent 15 years before I met him in christian ministry and he simply SAID he believed the way I did ...he did NOT have any testimony nor real background of APPLIED faith but I did not think that was a problem ...I did not know HOW serious a problem that WOULD BE!

We married and at first went to fellowship, ran classes on Bible...but when we moved back to where his old friends and family were he began to slip away from the Word ..and me ...

He defended unbelievers and did not stand up for me ..He preferred his work, his associates, his sports, ANYthing to me ...He functioned with insisting upon having his privacy ...

I tried to respect him and honor him, but it is very difficult to 'go under " the authority of a man who has turned from being under the authority of GOD ...

still I tried to honor him in his desire for privacy ...letters from his family , phone calls from clients...I did not intrude ...thinking this was appropriate....! It was to set us up for further distancing ...

He also was of the thinking that a man does not share his innermost thoughts as many men are taught ..especially those in sports...it is a "known" that to share your thoughts makes you open for 'attack' of sorts from your "opponent" his background in professional sports trained him to keep himself TO himself ...this is a violation of marriage covenant but I did not know this ...as it is revealed to me now ...then I just thought it was honoring to allow HIM to open up over time ..I kept open and upfront with him...he kept quiet and STAYED that way ....no real growth in that area. it lent to what happened later ....very destructive to all concerned ..

.. NOW I have found that this was NOT a godly carrying out of what is in the word FOR TWO are to become ONE FLESH ....

The man and woman were to be Naked and unashamed ...open and transparent ...neither belonging to themSELVES ...I had WRONG doctrine ...so I did not "intrude" where I should have insisted upon openness and participation ..

....instead of standing aside and saying "OK ...you do what you want ..do what you have to do ...you GO PLAY !"

Marriage is not supposed to make a man " happy and comfortable" as society and some churches have led us to expect ...it is to DEMONSTRATE CHRIST AND THE CHURCH and his plan of reconciling fallen man back to himself by his SACRIFICIAL LOVE..

...not "unconditional love" by the way .a term NEVER found in scripture nor demonstrated there .....because God DOES have conditions ...one HE fulfilled HIMSELF by his sacrifice for us ..but then WE are commanded to DENY our SELVES , take up the cross of his word and obey it ...FOLLOW HIM...renewing our minds, doing what he says ...many CONDITIONS ..."if you Love me KEEP my commandments" it is HOW we examine OUR selves and our walks to "see if we are iN the word"

My husband did not get that message...he thought I should sacrifice MYSELF for HIM ...so he could have fun and be free to do what HE wanted ...eventually leading him to feel entitled to another woman! and WORSE!

I home schooled for 16 years...pretty much without his help or participation..I just found out the was having an affair for that whole time .

A total stranger when he was promoted and moved ahead while I prepared the house to sell, the move and recovered from our last child born c section at age 43.

I just found out about it last year by "accident" as God brought it out in a very definitely GOD WAY .... ..he has two children [ages 4and 8] by her and has bought her a house , she has moved everywhere to stay by him .

She ALWAYS knew about us and even knew us as he eventually hired her to be his business partner!

I am crushed...While I was drawn closer to the Lord he was drawn away by lust...she approached HIM ..

.Now I have spent a year trying to minister the word to him ..his mind is darkened,..he is sorry , never told her he would leave me...

How do people make a form of bigamy "ok" ..our reprobate world personified.

He has given over one million of our income unknown to me over 8 years as support...that amounts to 30 years support for two children by the standard of the laws concerning child support

..She is a parasite and I cannot imagine such an ungodly woman being a mother ,,it was a ploy to stop work and keep my husband obliged for life,.

When I die I will know that he has a "backup " somewhere out there!

.... that this woman not only stole 16 years of my past and my children's father's time which we thought he was using for WORK ...but she has stolen each precious wifely experience from me ...and my secure future.

My husband PLANNED with her to NOT retire...so there goes MY future as he must work to support those children. He planned ahead for her ...she has life insurance in the case of his death . He pays medical insurance for them all .

He feels this is his responsibility for keeping her and giving her sperm that SHE wanted and begged him for>...YES he IS guilty and responsible but he carries it too far ..especially in the face of me and our children ...

He has paid for her plastic surgery , her Botox...not any thing I have ever done...while I shopped Costco and discount and thrift stores ...she went to the high end markets and had 350.00 salon visits regularly ...and he never cared if I got my hair cut ...which we did not do for YEARS thinking we were helping to economize and being good stewards!

She had no problem asking for and taking MONEY ..sometimes 25,000 . 00 a month ..and he had NO problem giving it to her on demand..while I had to call to ask if I could spend over anything over 100.00!!!

I did not mind at the time because I did not guess anything was going on ...people think this is too much to believe ..but I was full time busy with my three children teaching at home and dealing with large homes...no household help and selling and moving out and in ...all on me because I THOUGHT he was working so hard...and he DID have a very large and prominent career ...so I gave him TIME for himself ...to do all of that and to take time for his own recreation ..with all the moving I did not have a large network of people to call upon for help ...or baby sitting ...I SHOULD have made requests of him more vehemently to stay home and help ...at one point he said he made too much money per hour to do any of the things needed .." hire someone " he would call as he walked out the door.!

How much he missed as a father and how he lead ..as he left whenever we did bible time ...he led ..he demonstrated that a man does not need the Lord to make money and be powerful and handsome...my son learned even as we did our bible time that the Bible is for women and children ...we have yet to see the fruit of that following on the revelation of this horrible truth we all have to deal with now.!

I will never know that a man loved ME enough to be faithful and my children will never know that they were"enough" either...it is a terrible thing he has done ..is sorry for but will not stop the overage of child support though he has told her he will not see her and has not since last June.

This is painful for all but it is those who did not DO any of the sin that are suffering the most...she and he KNEW what they were doing and did it anyway ...without any thought or concern for us ..

...it was post modernism at it's best ....thinking "what we did not know did not hurt us" !

ALL the time he stole from us for her he also stole from himself ..he is MOST miserable ..What you so AND WHERE you sow has consequences...if you SOW to the flesh you reap to the flesh....sin brings forth fruit EVEN after repentance...you MAY accept Christ and escape damnation but as John the Baptist told the pharisees....bring forth fruit MEET for repentance" ...there has to be a change...and a man may get saved but SOME sins have a way of bringing forth fruit because it is a law...sperm hits an egg and you get a baby ...and THAT is fruit of sowing to the flesh ..

So to the spirit ...you get spiritual fruit...not just reading but OBEYING ...brings about results NOW and eternal rewards in the by and by ...

Eternity is NOW ...and ongoing ...he has to make up his mind for "where your treasure is there will your heart be also "

...forgiveness is his but he will not walk in it UNLESS he repents and stops turning his heart toward her...in marriage the priorities according to GENESIS are GOD first and then the WIFE . A man is to LEAVE the most significant relationship heart-wise ...his parents and CLEAVE to his wife ...and they TWO become ONE FLESH ...and NO MAN not even that man ...is to put it asunder ...THE MAN is COMMANDED by GOD ...the MAN is responsible for the CONDITION of his marriage and the condition of his WIFE!

WOW ...that is a lot...but it is GOD who will enable ..he set it up that way to command something of the man that the man HAS to come to him for the equipping of him to obey it ...cool!

....the husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF for her...we gave for HIS pleasure ..and he took our submission as a means to live his life unto himself..

Pray for him please to have his heart broken and contrite by the Lord ...but he must ask for it ...

God has left the command for us to seek him with a meek, and hungry heart..to ASK for repentance..

He is still putting his worry and concern for her OVER the God given jurisdiction from GOD for his WIFE and children ..

She is NOT his and he is standing in the way of a husband GOD has for her...as long as she depends upon him for HER needs she will not be open to any man God may have for her

The best man for any woman is NEVER going to be another woman's husband ..

...that would contradict God's design for those who make the covenant with HIM to care for a wife...

"all souls belong to God" who "bought them with a price ..we are not our own" ...

...all women not married belong to GOD and any woman NOT your wife YET MAY be another man's .

....a wife is only YOUR wife WHEN you covenant with GOd to BE husband ..then God entrusts the woman who is wife to the husband to LOVE her sacrificially ...

...by this the man is MATURED and strengthened in his faith and he demonstrates GOD as faithful husband to his Bride the church ...

...a worthy calling lost to most who marry , even among believers...a need for more study in the word and serious consideration of the godly design of man and woman and the marriage ONE FLESH ...

This woman bares her own sin ..this situation was HER decision to enter in with FULL knowledge.

..she is responsible to GOd for HOW she raises those children and she is sending those children to a private school that instructs them how to accept a "spirit guide"

My husband PAYS OUR income for that ...I object ..she should take responsibility for her own sin ...have to NEED the LORD and then she MIGHT wake up and not allow her children to be instructed this way ...

She knows NOT God and my husband demonstrates his anti god condition by continuing to give money so that they can go there ..and says it is HER decision ..

my daughter , now 24 observed that the other woman is the "man " of that relationship and that her father is functioning as the "woman" because he did what that woman demanded when she told him he should give her children since she had been with him so long , was getting older and wanted children and he had "use up" her youth and time to find a husband !

That was a deal SHE knowingly went into and had no shame coming to my home , observing our godly approach to our lives and she turned around after that and started to campaign for him to get her pregnant ..not to marry ..she did research on line to see HOW to be a single parent ...

I say STOP paying her what amounts to spousal support ...it is not the cash ,...but it is a demonstration of endorsement of her sinful , willful , intrusion into our marriage bed, stealing their father away by seduction and moving him with pity for her so that he eventually went from wanting to help her to falling into bed and into "love' ...

God's word says .."love worketh no ill to his neighbor" and " love is the fulfilling of the law"

The LAW of God says .."thou shalt not commit adultery " so this was NOT "LOVE" ...not according to the Bible...but LUST and it has hurt MANY MANY people .

...destroyed SOME and continues to do so because there is no going back..it was selfish and she did NOT love those children ...

...no one considered how THEY would feel learning the truth of their being children of an adulterous woman and a married man who already has three children who NOW have to worry about those other kids showing up someday out of the blue!...

He displayed total devaluing of his children's practice of purity ..not even dating ..we are like TWO different countries living in our home.

He wants to have faith but his conscience is seared and the word is nonsense to him now ..he is sorry to be caught ,..like Esau...and it is a terrible daily situation to live with .

..I know the Lord is gracious ..but after a YEAR of daily offering what I have been studying in over 150 books and CDs on the subject ..hours and hours of study , 40 years of walking ..27 years of marriage he still trusts himself and her more than me ...!

THAT is the blindness willful disobedience results in and the damage to all is great ...even as we count it as a 'trial" allowed by our loving Lord it is still difficult to live with daily ...

I have not seen this woman since long ago when she came to our home for a holiday party my husband gave for his office...

I do not remember her..I only know now that my husband has been faithful to her for the 15 years he has had her...it is very deeply hurting my heart ...as GOD places a desire for the husband in the heart of a woman upon the vow SHE takes...that emotional and deep loving draw to her husband remains even in the midst of such rejection and abandonment ..

He has told me she looks a bit like me ..a little taller, not as pretty but attractive..he was drawn away most often at times I was pregnant...he complained I did not want to go or could not go places with him that he wanted to go to ..NOT TRUE...but what is worse ..he COULD not go out with her ..so he was content to do NOTHING with her ...but I was not interesting enough ...

I was a professional singer, I still am slim and attractive, sexual, and love all kinds of subjects , activities...but since he started to shut me out ..I have become more and more isolated and with moves every two or three years ..very busy at home ...little time for outside activities ..

Usually I made a point of meeting my close neighbors but mostly made it my business to BE available for him if he should want to be with me ..he did not ...he spent his "free "time what little he had ON HER...

...so I am glad we homeschooled ...it drove me into the word for MUCH instruction I believe the Lord prepared me for when this was revealed to me ..I had NO idea...there were NO clues...

I was not suspicious...he had new jobs of great responsibility and many situations that were used as excuses that did not seem odd....he was in charge of all the money as that is his strong suit ...and business...so I did not know what he was doing and he regarded the money as HIS ...

...so he did not feel badly about our family having to do with less as he showered her with the new home and car and all other things when she got pregnant ..she quit work ..to stay home with the children ...! He told her to !

So she stopped making over 100 thou a year to suck off of my children's and our families income....we were in debt and took our loans and sold some things so SHE could take take take...

I feel she has taken enough but he feels compelled to keep on giving , twice the child support according to an attorney I went to see to find out how much..simply because I do not want to support the woman who willingly and knowingly set herself up ...in her view "for life" on our families income...

SHE initiated the whole thing. ..my husband is guilty FULLY but the cost of this SHOULD END ...at least the OVERAMOUNT because it rewards her wickedness...

I feel for our children ..he told them he feels their pain but then he turns around and demonstrate lack of real heart for them by demonstrating SUPPORT and CARE for the woman who stole their father away from them with ENTHUSIASM and forethought...

She PLANNED all of what happened KNOWING the pain it would cost all of us ..and he did too ..and now he WANTS to stay but says he cannot give up PAYING ...he has not seen her ...

sorry for repeating myself ..we saw a marriage counsellor for a while but he was not really bringing this to my husband's face...he wanted to take YEARS to deal with my husband's difficulties and did not really get in his face as I felt was needed ...

...my husband has not been exposed by me because it would cause him to possibly lose his job ...I am 61 next month and still finishing home school...and have fibromyalgia ...

I do not relish working so hard all these years pandering to him and his needs and then handing him over to her ...even IF she would have him ...

I told him he should cut the money and then see how much she "loves" him...I married him when we had NOTHING and we grew our lives together ...

I know the word and what it says about sinful and carnal minds...but I still am aghast that a woman could do such a thing and keep at it ..when I KNOW she KNEW he was married and met us EARLY in their relationship! ...

So SHE did this with evil intent ...not even ASKING him to leave me ...some young women out there [ she is 17 yrs younger than I] ...

Some women are NOT looking for marriage ...just want the money ...so they set a man up to obligate him ...find an older married man who is "proven" his ability to make money , and who demonstrates a FORM of commitment and reliability to their wives and families..dependability and some character that will become powerfully guilty enough to feel obligated to the woman they fall for ...

..... and they willingly trap him with SEX so that he likes it and additionally fears that if he cuts it off SHE will expose him to all ....such a wiley and stealth population ..."she wipes her mouth and says I have not sinned" as proverbs says of the Adulteress.

She approached him when he was transferred after my last child was born and I was to follow ...she dropped her business card on his table in a restaurant where he was eating alone ...did not say a word ...the card said ..."If you want to go for a drink call me " ...she was not dressed 'sexy" in the sense of a prostitute...she was in business attire...not unlike some of the women in a show I have not been able to watch all the way through ..called "sex in the city " that was popular when she was in college....a LOT of input from the media to encourage this type of disdain for marriage and traditional godly family!

She had NO SHAME ...she even intruded on a very rare day once after we got down there to him ...a day my daughter remembers clearly ..she and her daddy went to his office on a Saturday for her to use his computer for a school project...this woman came in and intruded into their day ,,,went to lunch then to a toy story with them where my daughter observed him buy this woman a toy! She said she felt that the woman was creepy ..teasing her father in front of her and trying to get her to do the same ! Brazen ! I was appalled that my husband thought nothing of allowing this woman to come in contact with out daughter ...age 8 at the time and my daughter still remembers the creepy feeling this woman gave her...SPIRIT is KNOWN by it's fruit...you cannot get good fruit from a BAD TREE>...my poor daughter..THAT is HOW ADULTERY DARKENS a man's mind ..he saw NOTHING wrong with this exposure of his daughter to this whore.! Sorry ..that is what GOD calls an adulterer ...his words not mine!

They even visited her parents when she was pregnant with the first baby! who knew of the arrangement and they APPROVED of my husband ..even knowing he was still married with a family ..what kind of people are these!

They thought he was rich ...so they did not want to rock the boat...they must have thought he would leave me but he Told her since the beginning he wouldn't and the email I found printed out from her made it clear she "never expected marriage"..her OWN words...this whole set up was deliberate ...and selfish ...

I thank the Lord for his continuing to work IN me to do all that he would have me do and to not walk in the flesh over this at any time ...it is a true TRIAL ..

..I pray I stay faithful to the Lord even if I never know the love of my husband to be wholly mine alone...that is this world and this life we live in now ...but if we are continuing in his Word being obedient He will deal with it according to His righteousness ...and give me wisdom to endure unto the end.

Some people mentioned I should go and be there and allow the kids to know their father ...He was not a true father to OUR children ...just going once or twice a week is NOT Fatherhood as the word gives all the requirements and commands....

Biology is NOT fatherhood...FAITHFUL and consistant teaching of the TRUTH is fatherhood and DOING all the daily tasks...setting limits ...disciplining ...day and night ..he never spent ONE night with them ...and only ONE overnight with her when he took her to see her parents ..on a "business" trip!

Those children are being taught one way or another a man is NOT the head of the family ...that marriage is NOT necessary ...That sex is a tool ...and people are to be used ...so many things that they are not going to learn ...and I was told to talk with her..SHE is a practiced deceiver ..did not just lie once of twice but they made a LIFESTYLE of lying .decieving ..planning ....stealing ...

THAT is what those children will grow up learning ..if not NOW ...sometime when they are older ...they LEARN what they LIVE ....and GOD commanded children to be TAUGHT about HIM ...that was the purpose of FAMILY to train children up to love GOD ....JESUS CHRIST ....the righteous...HOW does one who deliberately lives in opposition to that train the children IN that ?

The hardened heart is ONLY turned when the PERSON asks the LORD to do so ....

As she is receiving ongoing more than adaquate money to live on and enjoy her single parenting ...with all the frills ...she is not going to seek the Lord ...she is seeking psych help and learning more about witchcraft ....and allowing her children to learn it as well.....

So how then am I to have ANY fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness? and what would that do to our children to see their father Fathering those children when he has done them so much damage even as he was a "good" father and a man of "integrity" by his outside life to us ...THIS leaves my daughters doubtful they can ever trust their own eyes and ears to determine a godly prospect for husband ! Their father was a really GOOD imposter of what a good and wholesome man is! THIS IS HUGE! the impact is severely damaging even with years of knowledge and application of the word in all areas of life...

A father's impact is MONSTEROUS in the lives of his sons and daughters ! He left all the responsibility of parenting ON ME ...and thought it was fine ...GOD WILL hold him to account for this ...for all of them!

God is NO respecter of persons but of CONDITIONS ...saved? or UNSAVED ...we will ALL give account and better to do so NOW while we yet live than after our flesh dies and there is no remedY!

No matter what the emotional cost ....salvation of the soul is costly ...it involves DEATH to the flesh ....we are born dead in trespasses and sin and MUST PASS FROM DEATH unto LIFE in this lifetime ...there is NO way AFTER we lose the "vehicle " of this fleshly body for our souls to submit to the word...it is NOW or NEVER!