I hope this gets through I trying writing concerning the Women Ministries and didn't get through. Well I too would like to know how to get closer to our sisters in Christ without them thinking I'm a busybody. I am the leader of our Womens Ministry and the Pastor's wife. All I want is a real bonding with the sisters. ANY IDEAS WELCOME.
valrvm@sbcglobal.net

My husband and I moved from Eureka, CA to be close to my family. But I really miss my Eureka family, those people that went through some really tough times with us. They were there when my blood relatives could not. They are so dear to us.

As for Val, the pastor's wife, I will pray that you can make several close bonds with those sisters in your church. I have noticed that pastors and pastor's wives are held an arm length away because of the supposed higher status they hold. It is so sad that many of us as members of the church can not embrace them as just part of the family.

I don't have any suggestions for you, but for those church members that may read this. Be a friend to the pastor and his wife. They are just people and have the same needs we do, make the same mistakes we do, etc. They are not on a pedestal. They are workers for Christ, like we are.

The other day I had to laugh after I said, "a pastor friend of ours". I realized that my husband and I have a number of "pastor" friends. I decided that from now on they will just be friends. I hope others can say that too.

I found that article by Carla very comforting. I even emaild a portion to a sister-n-law. Lately I've been realizing that all my life I have been in need of that very close friend and look back and can't seemed to see where I ever had one. Maybe in some ways I have lots of them and thats why I don't see just one standing out. I agree that a lot of us feel that loneliness and now that my children have grown and moving on with their lives I feel it even more. Probably because they filled so much of my life that I didn't take the time to notice how lonely I was although it was diffently there. In my case my husband and I didn't grow close enough together before the children came along so now we've seperated and there is a real big void in my life. And its true its the females that I associate with that are helping to make it.

In answer to your question, my background and my work has driven me to foreign lands far away from my family. I find that to survive and remain sane I need to make friends especially with other foreigners like myself. We do things for each other for example baby-sit, seek and receive advice, swap shopping tips and survival details, call or visit each other to just make sure we are ok. In essence one needs to get out of their comfort zones, either through force- like me and other expatriates, or by choice- when you walk out of your front door and determine to get to know your neighbour better... It takes the desire to seek others out and sometimes we are forced by our needs to seek help from other people, not necessarily from members of our family. These contacts when nurtured can then grow into life long loving extended family-like relationships.

For me, I have realised that in spending 7 years away from home, there are friends back home that I can trust to do things for me. These tasks should ideally be done by family members but due to some past disappointments, these family members cannot be trusted. Thus the friends come in and gladly carry out the necessary tasks. This way, I am able to preserve my relationship with my family, deliberately ignoring areas of possible disappointments and at the same time grow in a deeper relationship with my friends back home so when I finally return I will have both family and friends close by and other dear friends scattered all over the world. It is all a win-win situation.

I get frustrated, I want a circle of friends, I approach, I talk about the Lord and what hes done for me. I give away purpose driven life books I get at goodwill, I call others, leave messages on answering machines, try to plan lunch out, I talk to them thru e-mail, their lives are busy or their depressed and hide at home, I try to bring them out. They want to go out and get together, then the time comes and they back out, I have drove 24 miles to sit at their house with them because I can't get them to come out. This has been going on a yr now, everyone is soo busy or too tired. Do I keep encouraging and trying? I have learned to live my life with Christ Jesus and I give Him my time fully. They havn't got to that point yet, to make time for Jesus, they want to but they don't. So I get frustrated of trying, I have to drive to them on their days off, they won't make no effort to try. I have a diease RSDS/CRPS its the most chronic pain there is today, nerve pain rt upper limb. The car vibrations hurt me and I burn so chronic, but i still run to them that need me, but they never call on me or ck me, I lay down and just cry in pain with this disease. People I have found are me me, they want to do what is right, but they like their comfort zone.

Carla, this is such a great post! I emailed it to many female friends, and already received six emails back, several noting they were thankful to be part of my "family." Thanks for sharing your heart.

I long to establish intimate relationships with women. My immediate family lives in another city, and even though my aunt lives around the corner from me, I feel a tremendous void in my life. My aunt isn't very good at establishing intimate relationships, so our conversations are usually complaints about work. I want and need so much more than this. Unfortuanately, I have no idea how to seek out friendships that are so necessary. I talked with my former minister about my dilemma, but I left the meeting feeling like he was blaming me for not being patient or dedicated enough to making friends. I no longer attend that church. How do you get beyond the surface chit chat to meaningful relationships?

Nikki, I can totally relate to your comment. I also long to have a close friend. I used to have some close friends, but they couldn't/wouldn't have contact with me anymore after our church shunned me for believing in Christ and changing churches.

Now I am a new believer in Christ (For almost 3 yrs) and I attend women's groups from my church and other churches in town. But I haven't been able to build a lasting relationship with any of the women. They all seem so busy!

It probably is partly me also. I would love to know what it is though!! Because I would love to have a friend, closer than a sister.

Martina

To VickiRae,
I am so sorry that you suffer with the pain of your disease, and none of your friends seem to care that you make a tremendous effort to keep the friendship going by traveling as you do. Vicki, this may be hard to accept, but it's possible these friends are not all your friends. They'll take from you but won't give back to you. Find friends who reciprocate your thoughtfulness and kindness, and pray for the ones you let go as friends, that their hearts will be opened to the Lord and the value of having a friend like you. Write them a little letter or email of HELLO, thinking about you, and include an inspirational Bible verse from time to time. ~Deb

When my dad passed away, both my brother and I asked my mom (who is now 72) if she would like to come and live with either of us. I live about 700km away and my brother 500km. She, however, decided not to as she had been living where she is for the past 40 years - her whole life is based there - us kids grew up there, her church, her social/support network, in other words, her other "family" are there. Even though we have a fantastic relationship, I really respect her decision and think that she made the right one. So yes, while we are still far apart and I would love to have her living closer, I take comfort in the fact that her "other" family are looking out for her as well and I thank the Lord for them.

Thanks so much for your article. You have put in words very nicely what the mayority of women go through life. In the material life once you married and have a good provider,and then children,life looks so buzy and you forget about you as a person and your relationship with your spouse. We forget that we are spiritual beings living in a body. God our creator
designed us for relantionships. Lack of emotional conection with your spouse can really make you feel very isolated,since you may look like you have a marriage, but in the inside you are alone emotionally.
In my case I am a very good friend, my nature is people oriented, my children have gotten a lot of my personality, but I really feel something is missing in my life when it comes to emotional conection with my husband. I was saved after we got married and he has remained in his position of not going to Church with me......We have been married for 21 years, and I feel that we have not grown as a couple.

I was longing for the love of a family and for the love of a real friend as well until I met this woman who lives miles away from me. We live in different country. We became friends then later on, we treated each other as Mother and Daughter. She said she adopted me as her daughter by heart. I called her Mom and I called her husband Dad and considered her daughters my sisters then one day she has changed. She stopped me from calling her Mom. I feel so down and feel rejected again. I accepted them as part of my life but they abandoned me too. I am still mending my broken heart and still hoping that the friend I've known from the very start will come back. I'm going to post this story in the christian site, hoping she'll be able to read and hoping that she'll remember the kind of friendship we built from the start. I hope you won't mind Carla ifI'm going to share your story to others. Thank you!

I can so identify with this article. I am a 46 year old 9-1-1 dispatcher preparing for a career change; I recently graduated from Bible college with two Bachelor of Science degrees in counseling/psychology and Bible and theology and am now pursuing a Masters. I enjoy digging deeply into God's Word and joined a ladies Bible study, last spring, for the sole purpose of connecting with other women from my church. I confessed to our group leader that I was really there "to know and be known by others". She told me that many of those in our group had expressed the same desire and I have detected several women who have a yearning for deep friendships in their lives. I think many of us are lonely and hurting and we long to share our lives with one another in a way that is meaningful. It is too easy to get caught up in the busyness of our daily lives and it doesn't take long before even we Christian women stop reaching out a hand of friendship to one another.

Wow...I think you ladies are looking straight into my heart! There was a time the last several years (before I moved to a different state) that I had the emotional support that so many of us are looking for today. I was part of running the women's ministry at church, running the nursery committee and also the ladies workout group...to name a few. The connections were wonderful and there was always someone to talk to. Now I live in a different place and haven't found the connections and type of relationship that I long for. Making an effort is so hard yet so satisfying when we do isn't it? Busyness is such a bad excuse for not befriending someone yet I've been guilty of using this excuse. Time is so precious and if we would take a moment to really look in the eyes of those we know and just listen...I bet we would be surprised at what we find. A friend. Thank you all for sharing your hearts!