While You Were Sleeping
Rethinking the look—and sound—of true friendship
I never knew snoring could sound so sweet. Or that what I was listening to was the sound of true friendship.
I was at my friend Kathryn's house recently, enjoying some impromptu Friday night workweek detox. I'd arrived on her doorstep wearing mismatched sweats, carrying my slippers in one hand and a mindless chick flick in the other.
She heated a gourmet frozen pizza and fished some veggies and dip out of her fridge. Soon we were settled onto her overstuffed couch munching on dinner and trading stories about dates, deadlines, and dreary weather.
When we were talked out, we popped in the movie. And a half-hour later, I heard a funny little sound at the other end of the couch. Snoring. Kathryn was out.
I giggled, knowing she'd be mortified. This wasn't the first time she'd fallen asleep during one of our Blockbuster Nights. But personally, I loved it. In my book, this meant my friend was so comfortable in my presence she could easily drift off to la-la-land (that, and the fact that she was likely sleep-deprived).
I love that Kathryn and I not only can get spiffed up and check out fancy new restaurants in our neighborhood, but that we also can stay in for mismatched, thrown-together, fall-asleep-in-the-middle-of-it fun. I value the former with my foodie friend. But I savor the latter messiness of our friendship.
Because I need a friend who'll meet me in the messiness and let me into hers. It's in the pain and the mess that we often need friends most. When I went through a painful breakup last year, Kathryn didn't flinch at the tears and snot that came pouring out of me whenever I talked about the guy who'd bruised my heart. I've listened and brought chocolate whenever she's needed to vent family struggles or work woes.
It amazes me how long it took me to realize that trying to impress other women with how put-together we are is a joke. I'm regularly drawn to the women whose lives look as messy and bedraggled and held together with duct tape as mine. And I realize what a privilege it is when a friend lets me see her messy, snoring self. It means I'm in. We've gotten beyond the niceties and Sunday morning smiles and "of course I baked this from scratch" expectations, and we can just be.
What a gift.
And what a great reminder about where I need to be looking for my best Friend. As much as I enjoy meeting God in soaring Sunday morning worship experiences, I also love it when I find him in a casual conversation while I wash dishes, or in desperate, dark-of-night wrestling and doubt.
I'm learning to look for him in the ordinary moments of life as well. He's everywhere, so I know he's there in the snow shoveling, the bill paying, and the blog writing. Lately I've been praying for the eyes to see him. And consciously inviting him into my messy and mundane moments.
So I find comfort in my God of the ordinary. My God who never slumbers or sleeps (Psalm 121:4) - as well as in my friends who can't help themselves from doing just that.
Posted at 5:19 PM on January 13, 2009.
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Comments
How right you are, Camerin. He is our God for ALL times. I love being able to talk to Him about everything, including Him in any and all situations I find myself in.
Posted by: Cheryl on January 14, 2009
I agree I go to Him for everything and for some this may be over the top but for me He is my Lifesaver in everyway. Even for a simple decision of what to get for a gift He will show me what to get.
Posted by: Denise on January 15, 2009
I agree with you Denise. He is my sounding board for EVERYTHING! Cause he knows what I really mean when I need to rant and rave over something. He not only hears my words but he hears my heart.
Posted by: Antoinette on January 15, 2009
What true thoughts, Camerin. God is in our ordinary and in our extraordinary. Thank you for the reminder..... God bless you!
Posted by: Roschi on January 16, 2009
That was beautiful,I pray I look for God in the odinary too.I enjoyed this piece
God bless you.
Posted by: Maureen on January 16, 2009
I loved this word picture. Very right on!
Posted by: Allison on January 16, 2009
Camerin,
This is a beautiful illustration of transparency in a genuine relationship. We all need these kinds of relationships in our lives. It's the same kind of transparency we share with God, whether or not we realize it.
Blessings,
Cheri
Posted by: Cheri on January 16, 2009
A friend who will "meet me in the messiness" - that is perfect. Exactly what I look for in a friend, and exactly the way God has blessed me before - friends who are just as messy as I am, and love me just the same.
Posted by: Mary on January 16, 2009
Wow! You hit the nail on the head! If only we could all find friends such as these.
Posted by: Courtney on January 16, 2009
LOL! I have fallen asleep on my BFF (can you still have those when you're 50?) several times and have been mildly mortified, hoping she didn't think I thought she was boring or that I was disinterested in her. "Messy" is the word for us, as my own family often flinches at my lack of housekeeping skilz, but BFF never has. :) I just need to remember the Lord loves me for who I am, too and that I don't need to "tidy up" when I really need to talk to Him. Thank ya!
Posted by: Sarah S. on January 16, 2009
Great article! I definitely agree with Denise. I call on God for everything. My husband is a pastor and many times I need ideas for special events at church and I can truly say God comes through for me. He also helps me in shopping to find the best deals and just what I need for the occasion. When I'm looking for something special, I pray as I go in the store for God to help me find it if it's there and believe me, He does! I also ask Him to help me not to purchase anything I don't really need. Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself the way He chooses to bless us!
Posted by: Linda on January 16, 2009
He really is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.when we speak with Him,He does not criticize us.Thanks for your timely write up
Posted by: Gloria on January 16, 2009
I am reading this story while going through a difficult time in my life...Thank you for sharing, thanks for helping me remember who I am, and who I can share all my problems with.
Posted by: Pam on January 16, 2009
Thanks Camerin, just reminds me again that he is down to heart and he doesn't mind who we are. He understands us perfectly.
Posted by: Wura on January 17, 2009
Your story brought to mind one night, many years ago, when our husbands had taken the children to a father/daughter camp-out and my best friend and I were have a slumber party of our own. As we continued talking in bed, I suddenly realized I was talking to myself as she had gone to sleep. The next morning, my friend, who usually was afraid when her husband was away from home, told me my voice just comforted her so much she went to sleep. I chose to believe that I wasn't boring her and also remembered how the voice of the Lord comforts us and gives us peace.
Donna Collins Tinsley
Posted by: Donna Collins Tinsley on January 17, 2009
Great article! Thanks for saying what so many feel but wonder if others do too!
Posted by: M on January 17, 2009
this is you to me and god to me !!! a treasure
Posted by: kylie on January 18, 2009
What a comforting piece. One can just 'be' with one's closest friends,just like one can 'be' at home and also with God without worrying about appearances and such things.
I often worry about failing to show adequate reverence for God who is so Holy,powerful and perfect.Muslims and Hindus , for instance , have so much of reverence in their worship.We are so awe struck before celebrities, rulers etc. who are mere mortals. Doesn't God deserve so much more? To be comfortable without losing the reverence,awe.....
Posted by: shanta on January 18, 2009
What a joy to have such a friend....
I do not have one because I always
said that my husband was my best
friend,and now....
Posted by: margo on January 18, 2009
Yes, how wonderful to have friends that you can be transparent with, warts and all. I agree with Cheri where she says, "It's the same kind of transparency we share with God, whether or not we realize it".
I am blessed to have friends like this and we spent a wonderful Sunday with the family and I did just exactly that. Fall off to sleep for a little bit and snored away. God is good and is good all the time. He does come down to us in and through wonderful friends and family. God is ever so near. Once someone quoted, "Feeling far from God? Guess who moved? You did not God". Well I certainly am blessed to know the Saviour and continue to praise the Lord for his faithfulness.
Posted by: Rosemarie on January 18, 2009
I loved what you said about your friendship! When I moved to a new town I realized the difference between the friends who you clean your house for and the friends you invite over to help you clean your house - those are the rarer gems! :) Thanks for your blog and reminder that Jesus is our friend through it all!
Posted by: Marcia on January 18, 2009
I am 22 and I am just starting to really value the friendships with my girlfriends for all that they provide. My best friend and I like to relax at our houses by baking and watching tv and movies. To me, friends are made in the image of God as they can provide great comfort, companionship and a sense of belonging.
Posted by: Suzie on January 21, 2009
Hi Camerin,
I am so with you on this. With my two closest sister-friends (I call them), I can completely be myself. I don't have to dress up for them, I don't always have to have it all together, and vice versa. We have been friends (the three of us) for 19 years, having met at a former job we all started in 1990. I love the relationship we share, especially because, for two of us, it has evolved into a Christ-centered one. For the one who hasn't yet found her way to a relationship with Him, I believe God is using us to help bring her closer by way of our friendship. God is moving in all of our lives and showing me how to be even more transparent with HIM. Like the woman at the well who admitted to Jesus that she was not married -- we must always be completely transparent before God. HE sees it all anyway.
Blessings,
Cheryl Faye
Posted by: Cheryl on January 22, 2009
Thank you for your heartfelt thoughts. I appreciate your honesty, truthfullness, and love. Your thoughts I could definitely relate to in many aspects of my own life.
Blessings,
Roberta
Posted by: Roberta Carter on January 22, 2009