I had a time when I was working through a lot of emotional pain. I hate to admit it but I took 12 years worth of Bible studies and threw then in the trash. Yikes, please don't shoot me yet. I wasn't chucking God. I was ridding myself of the pressure to find all the answers to my emotional wounds in a 10 week Bible Study.

My mentor comforted me by saying, "The things of God go deep...they usually aren't found in a Bible Study." Whew, what relief. God continued to work in my life and brought great healing. Five years later, I'm writing a book on the subject, and I'm so thirsty for God's word. I am getting my fill in a terrific Bible study.

At times when praying aloud in a group, I have found myself trying to say the "right" things. I start feeling "self" conscious rather than "God" conscious. I'm so thankful He understands our weaknesses. Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning!

Yes...just yesterday I was talking to one of my good friends who was sharing somethings she was going through. Both of us have been Christians for a few decades and from working in church settings, we could write the book on Christianese. After she finished venting, I really didn't have anything to say, but to fill the silence on the phone, I blurted out, "Well, God is working it out for your good." There was another silence and then we broke out in laughter! We knew that I had just given a trite Christian response and we called it out. After regrouping, I got real. The rest of the conversation sounded something like this...."Ok...that was the pits....I really don't know what to tell you, but just knowing what God has done in your life in the past lets me know, you'll be ok."

Dr. Carolyn Clansy Miller

God does every work on people, it seems person contacts with person,as if it is arranged by people, but behind the back,every work ,evrything is to Satan betting on God, it needs us to toward closely God, just like while Job accepting the trials. it is a reason Satan was betting on God to test Job's belief to GOD. so, let us imitate Job and have a real heart to love God, know God in reality, understand God 's intentions , when meet everything , firstly pray, seek for ,praise our creater ,lord, witness God 's glory ,shame Satan, become a winner.

Yes, I have to admit that I left my local church due to the fact that everyone makes you feel that you have to be so spiritual. I am the type of person who likes to do things for others, because I feel that God wants me to. However, I do not do these things for outward glory or gain. I just felt that at my local church they put to much into outward glory. My suggestion is be yourself in the lord and glorify him not others.

Jane, that was awesomely honest. I've often felt the same way. We can talk more about this... -- Betsey

Thank you for this! I just tried to share something as a "prayer request" at our small group the other night and no one "got" it. It was really just a tidbit on how I feel like God is helping me grow spiritually right now but it just didn't sound good and definitely wasn't meant to be explained in a short way. LOL. So I sort of feel like the writer now...I have even said as much during prayer request time "I don't have anything but I'm sure there are plenty of issues God is working on in me" which got some laughs.

Amen, the freedom to be who we are in Him is somewhat undescribable. To be able to share the glorious marvels of who He is or to be able to just sit and enjoy others as they share their weekly happenings in Him.
Freedom that is easier for some and much harder for others. So many are plagued and don't realize it: the fear or need of man's approval. Thank you, Lord that we are all a work in progress.

I love your honesty! I have a pet peeve for lingo of any kind... at work (like a project being "out of the box" or "having legs") or at church. It is attractive to a person to use when they are starting to grasp new ideas, but then I think we graduate from that and become aware of it, and then aware of when the language sounds empty. That's a good thing. God seems to come and go at different times in our lives--and some of us never feel all that attuned to His presence--but it is great to seek it anyway. If we aren't honest about it, it is harder to go that extra mile we need to go in order to find out more about Him and what He wishes for us in our lives... to love people better, etc.

Jane,

Thanks so much for sharing this! I am so sick of performing for other people's approval. In fact, about two years ago, I stopped doing it. I live my life for God's approval and no one else's. I could never really get their approval anyhow!

Thanks for having the courage to put in print what many of us are feeling. Christianity is not something we do, but something we live. It is who we are. As with any relationship, there are good days, bad days, good times, bad times, productive areas and not-so-productive ones, and it is not always easy to condense that into a 30-second sound bite.

Blessings, Cheri

Meeting with God in the mundane, yuck! I mean, come on! We can all admit that the mundane things of life just don't seem miraculous enough for praise. And, it sure feels much better to testify about something that we can claim is a "God thing". But truth be told, I need more grace to get through the mundane things in life than for the perceived 'spiritual" things. Hey, who needs a grace fix at church!

Now, I LOVE to talk about what God is doing in my group; maybe too much (should we ask my group leader?) At least I love to talk when I have something to say, so I fully identify with the author. But I've been going through a very long dry season recently, and incredibly, I have to admit, even though I don't have much to "praise" about, I have sensed peace through this whole season. Sometimes, sharing our silence about issues is just as intimate as sharing our thoughts!

Wow....a REAL....authentic.....point of view on God's working in our lives. I can't tell you how many times I have felt the same way.....when it gets to 'your turn' and all the things you mentioned, could have been me too. I am a wife and mother of a large family...going thru many many transitions right now. Married for 26 years, one daughter married, one son on his own, 3 teens (2 girls, 1 boy), and one son who is a mere 11 years old. Sometimes thru the rush of everyday life, it is hard to see where the Lord is working. ...we can get too busy for our own good. But just the same, I know He is working in me, thru me, stretching me and guiding me....I have to trust that He is.

After being asked the question, "What is God doing in your life this week"...and if you don't have the 'perfect' answer, I think you have to be careful to not go home and feel defeated. Know that the Lord is working in and thru you, and be looking for those things that only He can do in your life.....sometimes it's ok to just say that you are in a 'waiting' period of your life!

Thank you! Yes, I agree. It seems like this is the spinach that we spiritually have to eat. Sometimes, when the cooking's just right you enjoy it but other times it's incredibly hard to swallow. I agree, and you know, I've gotten to the point where I just say, "I don't know what to say. My week was normal but God was there for me as He always is faithful in being." I've found that everyone really can relate to that. It may be a little uncomfortable but I'm blessed with a husband that just expects me to be me and doesn't expect me to be on a pedestal. I know that at least one person will always understand. And I love Moses too. He was an amazing, amazing person that saw God face to face and when he dies in the Bible, without seeing the promised land, I cry.

It's hard to be spitritual all the time. And with the news of late, it's really hard when everyone is so full of bad news. Thanks for being honest.

Sometimes the best we can do is just say, "I'm still in the learning process, but I know I'll understand what God did for me this week someday. I have time and faith."

I'm a recent cancer survivor, and I sometimes feel like people expect that I will have this perpetually sunny attitude about it all, because I'm a Christian. Yes, I know God is taking care of me and leading my doctors, but sometimes I just feel sad or scared, and it's hard to project that attitude that God's at work in my life, and let me tell you about it!

I am also studying Moses in BSF for the last few years I have struggled with answering those "personal"questions that are asked on our homework. I took think that God has never done this in my life, or God has never spoken to me this way. Then I get embarassed because it seems everyone else in the group has something to share. But, then I realize the small, daily, intangible things God is doing with and for me each day and realize I too don't need to notice the big ways God is at work in my life...it's those small daily acts that mean the most to me! Thanks for sharing!

I believe that Christianity is about "personal" relationship with Christ and yet we Christians tend to think that everyone should experience it the same as we do individually. If others don't live up to our ideal of what a Christian "should" be, they must not be as "good" a Christian as we are. I have seen this over and over no matter how many times we read that no one sin is worse than another. I was fed up with that 3 years ago and got real with God. I climbed out of the box the church I had been in stuffed people, and sought genuine relationship with the Lord. This was not something that made me popular with that church, but it saved my sanity and expanded my knowledge of God's character. I was told by someone in my old church once it was not okay for me to tell God I was angry with Him-to which I responded "Why He surely already knows, He's God. Besides, we should probably talk about it honestly, He and I." I believe honest communication with God, and His people, and finding a Bible based church that can allow its members to have a personal relationship with God is the basis for the freedom God wants us to find in his love. Through my Aunt, I found a really good church that does not attempt to control every moment of its members lives, and demand we all be perfectly dressed, perfectly acting, perfect Christians all on the same page of the Bible. This encourages the freedom one needs to have real relationship with God, not just try to fit in with the other Christians in our church. I have also noticed, since being in a church that allows me the freedom to be the person God created me to be, relationship with God has become significantly more attractive to those in my life than it was when I was- I hate to say it- a Stepford Christian, trying to appear to be "holy".
As far as 'hearing God speak to me' goes, sometimes I drive to work with the radio off and sing and listen for God's voice and you know what-most of the time I hear absolutely nothing, but I'm sure He is speaking to my heart and I'll know what He's telling me, when I need to. I've found He whispers alot. =)

I have had that same feeling of panic to find something spiritual to say. I was raised on the fairy tales that ended with “And they all lived happily ever after.” Even mainstream Christianity seems to preach that if you are born again your problems are over. But one day at a Winning Women Bible study, I heard a woman who was dying; having only a few more months to live, share her heart and how she just wanted to be around see her son graduate. She knew that might not happen, but it did not stop her from being productive along the way to meet her Maker. She was going to share, live, love and teach right up until the end.
I am a sexual abuse survivor. As so often it happens to those who have been sexually abused as children, I married young. By age fifteen I was pregnant by someone eight years older than I. Being a great reader of fairy tales as a young girl, I was sure I was going to live “happily ever after.” Can you imagine my horror, when I realized several years later, my Prince Charming was a pedophile? He started our daughter on the destructive road to drugs.
Even though in the following years the Lord gave me a Christian husband, and more daughters, we are still living with the consequences of my first marriage.

That day I made up my mind that although painful, I would share what God is doing in my life, and Satan would not keep me quiet any longer. The reality of life is that everyone does not always get the happy ending, and we need to know what to do in the midst of problems! Ask me how I am doing now and you may get the full story. Although I have not completely found my purpose here on earth I know my Savior will not allow more than I can bear and He will hold me through it all. And I praise amidst the pain.

I appreciated your column so much this morning. so often we all get caught in this silly exchange...is my answer spiritual enough, is her answer real, or should i be concerned about her walk with god at the moment. fortunately, god laughs with us, and helps me to remember, i am with you always....even when you can't connect the dots to report to your friends. amen!

the request to share is a good one. i often don't pay enough attention to how God is working until i am asked. however, i am a people pleaser. it is not the request that is at fault, but rather my desire to "please". and the request to share is another opportunity to turn to God and focus on Him, rather than the people. but i confess, it is a great temptation still. but it is good, i see it as that, a temptation to be taken to the Lord, and resisted in His strength.

One thing which I have learned over the years is that God works with each of us as individuals and, as you note, his presence with us may not be revealed by lightning bolts or ah ha moments. I believe that when we do something which benefits us and the folks whom we encounter, that is definitely a 'God' moment. However, I often do not recognize it for ages afterward and then only when someone says "do you remember when you did (said) such and such."
The knowledge that God walks with me day by day sustains me as I walk through each day, especially on the days when I have questions/doubts and when he feels miles away.
I have found such joy, peace, and freedom in my walk with God that these apparently empty times become times of learning and growth - as painful as that can be.

Re: Beyond Sound Bites
Wow, Jane, I can identify with everything you said. I thought that I was the only one who couldn't think of anything to say in situations like you describe. It's not that God isn't working in my life but my stories are pretty regular, nothing earth-shattering. Thanks for sharing from your heart.

Nothing wrong with a mundane life. Sometimes I wish I had a more "regular" life where routine was settling. Being self employed and running an animal sanctuary on the side (while being single) I crave a time when no major surptises pop up. Christianese... no time for that... I need the Word just to survive!

You nailed it, Jane! So many of us have been in this same scenario. And the rest of the equation is that we really miss what everyone else is "sharing" because we're so busy trying to mentally conjure up something that's appropriately spiritual for our time to speak! This column is a big breath of fresh, honest air--and boy, do we need it!

Amen and Alleluia to that concept...no need to share the everyday things...just our awareness of God's Presence is enough!
And an old song goes like this and says it all: They'll Know We are Christians by our Love" ( It's'not called "They'll know we are Christians Because we Talk About It. )
peace to all...and s bit of silence!

I was just soaking in the tub, sobbing a little while ago, and all I could say is, "Lord, I want to know what you want from me." Inside me a still, small voice said, "Nothing" which made me sob all the more! It was reassuring that in the midst of times when it seems that everyone wants something from us, all our Heavenly Father wants is us, and our honesty. He wants us to be at the "end of ourselves." Thanks, Jane, for admitting that we don't always get the big "Ahas," and that as Christians, we don't always need to have the answers.

I was just soaking in the tub, sobbing a little while ago, and all I could say is, "Lord, I want to know what you want from me." Inside me a still, small voice said, "Nothing" which made me sob all the more! It was reassuring that in the midst of times when it seems that everyone wants something from us, all our Heavenly Father wants is us, and our honesty. He wants us to be at the "end of ourselves." Thanks, Jane, for admitting that we don't always get the big "Ahas," and that as Christians, we don't always need to have the answers.

Thanks so much for this..."As I get older" I could relate! I wish we could all dump the Christianese and get real. I"m sure Jesus didn't walk around talking like that...
How about starting a movement? :)

So glad to read most of us are just plain real people,trying to live as christians.Yes,it seems like we need to have perfect answers and so to speak blessings from the Lord in order to feel christian enough in our communities.Well,I am still in a healing proces wich has taken at least 10 years of my life and I still feel very fragile.I had to refrain from church and bible study groups in order to find my own heart and soul again.Countless bible verses have knocked me down while I just needed was a friend to laugh with, find pleasure in life again.I am very carefull with sermons on how marvelous things God is going to do.This is abusing Gods name.No wonder that there is a desert period in our churches.Our God can and will not be commanded by us, mere humans.Just be grateful and kind to others.Let God be God .

This was interesting, thanks.

Great post Jane. Sometimes it does feel as if we as Christians are more focused on performing for other Christians than trying to please Christ. It can be difficult sometimes. I definitely agree with your mentor, Lucille, in that "the things of God go deep." That statement is so true. Have a relationship, with Christ, a real and meaningful one, is never easy because I think that he wants us to let go of our preconceived notions of what we think a Christian should be, and follow him as an example, which ultimately means denying ourselves.

I freeze many times when Im put in a position to share what God has done in my life. I freeze when Im asked to pray out loud for someone. I decided to pray when I get this fearful feeling were you almost feel your knees trembling. I pray for strength and for words coming from the Holy Spirit. It always works! I dive into the sharing & praying with fear and little by little the spirit of fear goes away
allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me.

PRAY BEFORE YOU SPEAK for God to give you peace and guidance.

i have felt the same way many times over the years even as a young adult. i have felt like i have to impress people which is not good but you feel like such a heel if you dont have a special word or if you cant think of some special way God has blessed you i am thankful for the same ole' every day life im blessed to be alive

I can't agree with what the Author said about how she couldn't feel God doing anything. Its all in how you look at it. She said she felt her week was just pretty"Mundane Stuff" Yet God gave her the ablity to do all that Mundane stuff....He Woke her up everyday with new strength that was drained by doing all that Mundane stuff. Sometimes I admit we take the small things for granted. She was allowed to wake up and have friends that she could go out to lunch with. The Author said it was nothing she could see right now. If you didn't have the eyesight then you couldn't see. Everyday is new and fresh and God gave so much to you in that one day.....Look back on it and see just the simple things that were done that day that God gave you the ablity to do.....Like I said its all in how you see It "the day, the week, the month, the year, your life......

I think sharing is a good thing but in a group, don't go around the 'circle' with it.
I am in a church setting where sharing about God's work in my life is not encouraged nor asked for. Hard to believe? That is another story. So, sometimes I want so much to share and there is no one to share to except friends from my past in other states! Sometimes the sharing is spontaneous with stangers on the street or at WalMart, or past customers of mine when we see each other. In my church, haven't found ones to share or are open to it.
So, be happy that you have a group that loves to study God's word and fellowship. Yes, it can encourage others when someone shares. We just need to be wise to share for the right reason as led by God's Holy Spirit. Sometimes by not sharing, but by listening, we are more of a witness of Christ than talking. So, that's is the contradiction I see. Two things can be true at the same time with God. Could that be it? I have prayed out loud when sometimes, and of course 'feeling' afraid, I quickly silently asked God to give me the words. He really does answer, and what He gives is not always with impressive words but I have peace with what I believe He gave me.

i've been going through that kind of a situation as well. i have a lot of pressure and some times i rather not attend the sell group becouse every week you are expected to share something out of this world. i'm glad that i'm not alone some times i would feel guilty, but now i know and i thank God for showing me this site. it seemz as if you know how to press the right button.

I am always straight with God i.e i always tell Him what i feel, because as Christians, we do not have to pretend because God knows us more than we know our selves. So if you are angry with Him, let Him know after all, He already knows. However, i always let God know about my feelings towards a bad situation that i may be going through at a time, as a daughter would let her father know what is hurting her

THANK YOU...ALL...FOR SHARING THE WAY I BELIEVE GOD WOULD HAVE US SHARE, WITH HONESTY!
IT IS SO GREAT TO BE ABLE TO KNOW HOW MANY WONDERFUL SISTERS THERE ARE OUT THERE WHO KNOW "THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE" IN CHRIST.
MORE PRAISES FOR OUR GREAT REDEEMER AND GOD, AND LESS ABOUT OURSELVES IS THE SHARING WE CAN THINK ABOUT AND DO DAILY!
LOVE FOR GOD COMES THROUGH CLEARLY BY EVERY ONE WHO SHARES TRUTHFULLY IN THESE COMMENTS.

Jane's article was really voicing what is a familiar, all too often unspoken experience of a lot of us. When everyone's admiring the emperor's new clothes, few are courageous to state the obvious. One should on no account feel obliged to share something if there is no experience to share. Each committed Christian is growing in her own way; her prime concern should be her communication with her Lord and pleasing Him is more important than making an impression on anyone.