I've had people I have thought were friends, who turned out to not be true friends. So, I guess thats a Judas.
Chantell

A friend from high school encouraged my wife to cheat on me. How do you forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness, isn't sorry for what they've done and sees nothing wrong with it?

Great insight and article Jane. Like many of us, I too, am no stranger to betrayal with the perverbial "kiss". After reading your article I have become keenly aware of the difference between Jesus and me. Usually we (I) discover the betrayal after the fact and become insensed. He knew ahead of time and chose to forgive in advance. After the hurt (and anger) subsides within me, I arrive at forgiveness
(albeit for selfish reasons at times to free myself of bitterness) but, I really have to flesh it out. I flesh it out when an apology usually doesn't come and often times when my Judas isn't even aware that I am aware of the betrayal. But I have found that it is a process that comes after and not in advance. What a lesson for us all... to follow Jesus' example and choose to forgive in advance. Whether or not we see it coming. It is essential for peace within.

yes i have experienced bertrayal more than once and uyou can only imagine the hurt you feel when someone you love and trust betrays you.i guess anyone who throws your love back in the face is a judas.

Easy to read about Judas, easy to believe we are forgiving, just wait until someone offends us. I have prayed St. Francis prayer over and over "make me a channel of your peace" because many times I fail.

As far as political figures, GOD expects more from those he has positioned in power. Bill Clinton must understand, "treat others as you would have them treat you" GOD'S LAWS the TEN Commandment's: IX & X say's it all. And sometimes KARMA is a bitter pill to swallow, when it comes around.

Many times we live and learn. Another prayer is LOVE is patient.

I pray for Our Nation's Courts, Judges, our government, President, Senator's and those running in the 2008 Presidential Election.
I pray for men and women of wisdom, who respect GOD'S law of Life. For those who seek GOD'S truth and not their own opinions.

I can totally appreciate your expressions about Judas and his betrayal of Jesus, but Bill Richardson has every right to change his mind about supporting Hillary Clinton or anyone else for that matter. Would you continue to support someone you could no longer "walk " with for loyalty sake, or would you stand for what you felt was right no matter who it separated you from? I don't agree with the comparison of Governor Bill Richardson to Judas.

The betrayal of a trusted friend is the worst kind of hurt. My best friend did this to me and even after I have forgiven her - the sad and hurting part is still with me. It shows me how great the love of Christ really is.

We've all felt betrayed in our lives at one time or another. It is inevitable, it is in our human nature. However what I see as a major betrayal going on at the moment worldwide is being conducted by Oprah Winfrey. Check out this link for yourselves. I think it should be seen by every Christian woman. Once there you can click on the you tube link of The OPrah Religious movement. http://www.carringtonsteele.citymax.com/page/page/5663569.htm

dear jane
thanks for the provocative outline of the life and times of judas, for me as a messianic jew, i believe that without judas or a judas there would not have been the ultimate drama

you said it well about judas and
his enormous role in the cosmic drama of ultimate redemption�

yes ultimate redemption was facilitated through what would appear to be a traitor, but what of God's hand in the foreknowledge of judas and yesuah's selection of him to handle of all things the purse strings,

no not a traitor at all maybe a patriot, maybe following orders, maybe given a task because he was trusted to do it no matter the eternal consequences of his name being forever associted with being a traitor, but the task was so needful that only a trusted servant could have done it well as well as was done, for by it, yeshuah was able to comple his mission, the ultimate redemption.

knowing the eternality of the soul and that get to come again and again, and that we get to chose how we come and what we do, gives me comfort that a judas was willing to take the rap for what was already decided in the heavenlies, long long ago

keep up the good work and have a blessed day

"Forgiving and forgetting" - at times so difficult to comprehend, and even much more so to apply when betrayed by people we trust. During a "season of betrayal," I came across Matthew 7:12: "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you." (NLT) and found myself struggling with this verse, questioning whether or not their betrayal of me was how they really wanted me to treat them. (And in my wounded state of heart, mind and soul, don't think for an instant it wasn't tempting to pay back!) But during my struggle, God's grace intervened by asking me to do the seemingly impossible task of allowing His perfect love to embrace me, to surround me with His protection and to heal my wounds. In the process of healing and restoring me, He taught me to pray for them (admittedly after I had prayed about them for months!).

Oh, how wonderful it would be if in the act of forgiveness, our hurt and pain could be "magically" erased! Even after two years, an unpleasant memory will occasionally surface, causing me to stop and surrender that memory, and any negative emotions attached, to God. Being in a situation where I still come in contact with the ones who betrayed me, I constantly ask God for His wisdom and guidance as to how to interact with them. It's not always easy...but I am so thankful God is so God and the love of Christ is so incredible.

Yes, how wonderful will it be if pain & frustration can be deleted from our very soul with forgiveness. I know it should but it's hard, I am struggling each day to forgive Judases plaguing my life right at this moment. It baffles me they are enjoying every bit of my misery.

But things been better, revenge is out of the list. Remorse helps me to control my heart, mine & tongue, to not lash out anything unwholesome in times of anger when being provoked and I need God more n more each day.

Thanks Jane for reminding me of Jesus's inconceivable love.

I have gone through alot of betrayal in my life and i practice forgiveness everyday. Sometimes it is extremely difficult for me especially when i am going through alot of hurt. Eventhough we strive to be like JESUS, these betrayals do leave scars and they remind you all the time. But another way i look at it is that along the line, someone probably feels that way about me as well. Knowingly or unknowingly, i have betrayed someone. Nobody is without sin and that is the truth. We just need the grace of God to help us though every situation. That is all.

My husband had an affair and fathered a child. He confessed to me and ask for forgiveness. I am struggling with that. And with finding love for the child. (As a side note, we have been trying to get pregnant for two years and I have no children of my own.

After two episodes of deception with my
significant other, I struggle with trusting
him again. It has destroyed our relationship.

How to trust again is my struggle.

I had someone at work who I thought was a good friend, blurt out a sexual remark that made me feel like a thing to be toyed with. I know sexual harrasment goes on a lot, but I was actually surprised when I heard it coming from him. I mean every woman wants to think and feel that she's beautiful, but sexual remarks such as that just kicked me right in the mud!

I've really struggled with forgiveness. My mother was, and is still, abusive. I've survived the loss of my daughter at 2 months old -- she was suffocated by her father. I was married and divorced from an abusive man and I remarried an alcoholic. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse have all taken their toll on my life, my sister's lives, and my children.

Forgiveness is not easy. It's hard to reconcile. It's hard to give away. It's hard to justify. It's hard to do.

However, forgiving those who hurt you; the people who cause(d) you so much pain, is NECESSARY. We don't forgive because we want something back - an apology or remorse. We forgive to release ourselves from the burdens of anger and hate. Forgivness is not for them, it's for us.

I've learned that I can forgive my mom, my daughter's father, my ex-husband and my current husband. I can forgive my sister's abusers. I can forgive the person who intruded into my life and spread rumors. I can forgive, and I do it because it helps me.

When I have truely forgiven someone, it means that I resolve to never hold their words or actions over their head ever again. It means that I have let go of the anger and hate. It doesn't take away the memories or the pain, and it shouldn't. But, it gives me permission to have peace.

Some of the people in my life who I've forgiven don't know that I've forgiven them and that's okay. They don't need anything else to use against me.

In all actuality, forgiveness is selfish. We should do it for us, and just because we forgive doesn't mean we forget. It's okay to remember that the person hurt you, or the ones you love. Remembering will help you to make better decisions and choices in the future. But, now you're free. You can start to enjoy peace and love instead of being consumed by anger and hate.

Forgiveness is healing. Forgiveness allows us to live by Christ's example. Don't stop trusting. Don't stop loving. And don't stop forgiving.

Sadly, my mother-in-law betrays me and my husband again and again. Though it is the Christ-like action to forgive her time and time again, we can still choose to distance ourselves from her negativity and hurtful nature. Though we forgive her, we are also not glutons for punishment either.

Dear Jane, this forgivness thing just keeps popping up no matter how old I get. Whether childhood friends, boyfriends, church friends, family, co-workers... the list goes on, it seems I am in need of remembering Jesus' forgivness no matter what stage of life. It does get easier. When the tinge of bitterness rears its ugly head I am quicker to ask God to help me forgive than when I was younger. The urge to pray for someone instead of grumble does come more often, but I am not always inclined to. Thanks for your wonderful work.

Forgiveness doesn't necessitate restoration of the relationship. Two totally different things. To forgive someone doesn't mean you must give them access to your emotions and your life. Boundaries are helpful and important, especially when dealing with pathologically hurtful or abusive people. Only God can forgive so completely as to continue to be sinned against without personal consequences. Don't try to be God.

I truly believe that Jesus loved Judas in the way that only God can. I can't say that my sins have betrayed my savior any less than his did. Yet God still loves me and forgives me. I believe that Jesus would forgive Judas as well, had he repented and sought it.

My youngest daughter, whom my husband and I secretly refer to as "Judas," betrayed me to people in my neighborhood (with lies) and to my oldest daughter (a completely unforgiving grudge holder). I forgave "Judas," because if I had not, then she and I would have become estranged, which eventually happened anyway (when she again betrayed me at the time of my son's recent death). Enough already. I don't need people like this in my life, not that she wants to be in it anyway. I forgive who she is, but she and I are finished. The heartbreak she has caused is immeasurable. I believe she is truly evil.

I really find Galen's comment so depressing, I'm so miserable; but it begs the question ... where did her daughter's learn to be so hateful ? and destructive ?

I wonder further at her definition of betrayal; who has betrayed whom? It's like "Which came first ? the chicken or the egg ?"

Allow Almighty God to heal this unloving attitude please...Let all realize that forgiveness is a constant decision of the mind.. even unto 70 times 7 !! Look to Jesus who strengthens you ... He was nailed for all the sins of the world ! to bring you PEACE/ SALVATION . He can & did forgive. He calls us to follow Him, it is hard, but He knows all .
"Obedience is better than sacrifice !"
And, "Overcome evil with GOOD," He recommends us all.
"Return to me," saith the Lord " & I will return to you" ... read the Joel passage about restoring the years that the locust has taken.
Finally, Our struggle is not against flesh & blood, but against the spiritual forces in the heavenly realms ; but take heart Jesus has defeated them all, thank You Lord ! Refer Galations chapter 6 for spiritual armour that He provides , use it ! then when all else is done " stand then in His great might !"

I had the unfortunate experience of being betrayed by my best friend of 12 yrs. and my ex-fiance. It was back to back aand left me in a state of shock and unbearable pain. I had found out that my best friend's intentions were not in the best interest of love and I confrtonted her. She did admit to the betrayal and told me should would make it right and acknowledge others who were also caught in the betrayal, but, unfortunately it was too much for her to come clean with and chose a path of destruction and more betrayal. My life was literally on the line and one lie she told could have ended a very different way. I could have been persecuted for this lie and put in jail. I kept praying for God to be with me through this nightmare and the Lord kept his promise and never left my side and my friend's intention to harm was null and void. I was applying for a job with a missionary group and I wanted somehow to give my friend who betrayed me to such an unthinkable level to somehow give her a chance to redeem the betrayal as she had said she would. So, I put her as a reference on my application. I took a chance that maybe she would remember who I am and my life's purpose. She gave me a wonderful reference and although the friendship has not been salvaged I keep her in my prayers that someday she knows in her heart the door is always open if she opens up her heart to love. I offer words of encouragement every now and then via e-mail, but she does not respond. I can only hope that she has found the Lord and knows that he has been calling out to her. If she chooses Jesus, I will have a sister in heaven again. If she doesn't, I can't help but wonder why she would not choose such joy, love and having such a wonderful abundance of dreams coming true through Christ. Why would someone after knowing the beauty that lies in forgiveness not choose to also say an encouraging word back?

As far as my ex fiance, the damage that had been done with my best friend has put a false judgment on me and no matter how much he knows of the betrayal in the back of his mind my best friend's words to him behind my back in her choice not to come clean was that I was unstable and I was the horrible person instead of telling him the truth about her betrayal toward me an others. She e-mailed my ex-fiance behind my back and he believed her. He contacted me a couple of yrs. later and we spoke via e-mail everyday for many months. We finally saw each other again and were just as comfortable and close when we first fell in love, but he never said hello to me again. And he never ever said goodbye....???