Thanks for this message. This is a great confort for me. I live 6000 km away from my dad living in France. He is alone and that's not easy to come quiclky to help him on daily challenges. He is not that old now but one day will come. I pray that I could be more available for him when it will be the time but I can already rest on God's economy. May I be here in Canada the help for someone having his/her family far from her. Thanks to make me conscious of it.

Very heart warming, that is what I am praying for right now that God would provide someone to help my aging dad who lives far away, after reading this I will be praying that I will be also spent for His glory

I live in South Florida and I have been truly blessed helping my neighbor who lives alone,is in her 80's , hard of hearing ,forgetful,and has no family in the State..I believe God uses those willing to "stand in the gap"where there is a need...

Thanks for your encouraging blog. I live in a different country to my aging parents and I fear not being able to give them the help they will need in the coming years. But I need to remember that our all powerful, loving God has all things in His hands, and as Romans 8:38 says 'in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' It is now my aim to keep my parents in prayer, and to be open to helping those that God has placed around me.

Wow!!!!!!!... this testimony is great... i have experienced this kind of gods working in my life also.... my loved ones whom i cant help out or care for... god sends someone to care for them..... Jesus is just Awesome....
God bless u........

How often you say that you and your husband can't be there for your in-laws. You can indeed, as evidenced by your making trips during crises, but you choose not to. How sad it is that we put our own selfish interests above others.

Thank you for the posted note to remind me that we are in this place and space on purpose. I am reminded of being in the grocery store and walking down the aisle in clicking heels and a lady in a wheelchair asked if I would pull a bottle from the top shelf. I smiled and got what she needed and her next words were"you are an answered prayer." Hearing those words helped me to bring God back into focus as I thanked Him for my encounter in the grocery store. We are on assignment wherever we go!

My 84-year old grandma died nearly a year ago, and she, too, refused to consider assisted living. My husband is in the military and we've had to move around a lot, so I couldn't really be there for Gram that much. A cashier from my Gram's grocery store struck up a friendship with her and helped take care of her during the last years of her life, when Gram came to the point where she could no longer drive or see well enough to take her medications. Gram called Shelly "one of God's angels". I will always be grateful to Shelly for standing in the gap when I couldn't be there. I know the Lord placed her there, just specially for my Gram.

It makes us realize that we are the arms and legs and voice of Christ here on earth. God help us to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to show others you through us.

With all the love and support, and unapologetic disagreement I can convey, Jane and those in the same situation, you must go get or move to your family. They are no more or less your family than your own children or your own parents. Leaving them to the care of others is irresponsible and careless - jobs are not a reason, merely an excuse. Certainly is it amazing what God will provide for our loved ones when we fall short, and everyone does at some time. But voluntarily, knowingly, intentionally shifting our own responsibilities to others is negligent and foolish, and will most likely end in heartache - probably our own!
I also know my own children are watching what I do - if my answer to neglecting them is "well, I had to work", then what can I expect from them in my own elderly years? And what are we contributing to the Kingdom if our children won't even protect their own?
Be well, and be with your family....not much else matters!

thanks so much.i have a friend who lost the mother last year and i always stand with him in prayer. i once in a while find my other friends and they tell me that they have been praying for me and gives me courage to know that there people who stand with me without my notice as i also stand in for others.

Thanks for your great comments. I want to underscore that I'm not advocating abdicating responsibility to others, assuming they will take up the slack. Not at all! To those who say our not moving to Florida is inexcusable, I have to gently remind you that I never talked about any situation with my side of the family, or where they live, or what their needs are as well. It's a complex issue that's fraught with agonizing concerns, and unfortunately in this day and age when families live so far apart, there are no easy answers, either. That's why decisions need to be bathed in prayer, I've found. And we do. Blessings!

Well, while we all think we're too far away in a job we couldn't possibly think about giving up to help out our in laws or our Moms and Dads, I believe God expects us to do just that. There are other jobs and we shouldn't expect other people to do what God expects us to do, do you think? Does God expect someone else to hear our prayers or cries or take care of us. No He does it. We need to step up and take responsbility and not be so tied to jobs or money.

The March 6, 2008 Upper Room devotional was on this very topic - http://upperroom.org/devotional/default.asp?x=0&y=0&month=3&day=6&year=2008 . Thanks to you and the UR for putting this foremost in my mind. I know I have benefited from those whom God has placed in my Mother's life as I live several hundred miles away. I want to be mindful of the opportunities that God is given me to minister to people in my town who may not have family nearby.

This was a lovely reminder of how the Body of Christ is intended to work.

In our family, we have a tiny granddaughter who has been adopted by a Christian family at least a 5-hr drive away from us. Her own little mother is just not equipped to care for the little one, and we were denied the opportunity to raise her ourselves. We are SO blessed and comforted that God chose this new family for our grandbaby. They keep us updated with her progress and all, and we are VERY thankful to God to be able to now include them in OUR family.

Recently a beloved elderly saint and friend of mine passed into Glory. Her unsaved family were VERY impressed by and grateful for the loving volunteer care given to this dear woman in her last comatose months by Christian folks nearer by than they could be.

This is how we should be known in the world around us - by our love.

Dear Jane,

I am sorry for those that felt the need to judge you for not being with your in-laws. I too lived many miles from my parents working for a Christian ministry that I know God called me to. While there I first worked under, and then later, cared for a wonderful saint of God until He took her home. I watched my parents age and then my father die, but continued to feel called to be where I was. I had an older sister who lived with our Mom and outside help she was able to bring in, but I still hurt everytime I had to leave. Last year I was laid off from the ministry and returned home. I now have the joy of being Mom's caregiver.

I do not begin to know the why's of God, but I do know His ways are above our ways. If children were never to leave their parents, where would all the missionaries have come from? Most of them left home knowing they could never go back. Thank the Lord they were willing to go!

My heart goes out to you as I know from experience what you are going thru. My parents live in another country and are now getting up in years plus having several serious health problems.
There is no way I can move back to my homeland to take care of them. The guilt that washes over me sometimes is very heavy. The many things that I wish that I could do for them and all the time knowing that I cannot help - just keep close contact by phone and pray.
For all the people who say move to where your family is - there are times that it is just not possible and I for one know how hard it is to be far away when your heart would be elsewhere. Consider also when parents are asked to move closer to children that would and could care for them but they refuse - no matter the case it is hard for all concerned.
Keep praying and trusting God.

My husband's mother is still living. We live about 150 miles away from her as does his sister. His mother never wanted to move away from the town she has lived in all her life. We all have jobs and responsibilities where we live. My mother in law's closest friend and her husband always check in on her, take her out, and love her like her own children. She lives in an assisted living facility that she loves. God has provided for her in ways we couldn't have imagined. We are most thankful for people that are willing to serve as God has called them.

Debbie, on what basis do you believe that God expects adult children to give up their work and move back home to look after their parents? I see no biblical instruction for that, or even precedent.

Genesis 2 says that a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves to his wife - they are the new family unit. If elderly parents want to be cared for they should move to their children (and should be cautious not to interfere with the son's role as head of his family).

after reading these comments, judging and then the supportive ones. I think that the Lord is with those who for one reason or another can't be with their aging parents. I have an 85 yr young friend, she has alot of pain but she still lives in her own mobile home. She works for a organization that provides seniors that can visit, and do light work or drive the clients to their appointments, she plays cards with them or reads to them. She loves it. She is my inspiration, because she does have health problems but keeps going. I am at least 25 years younger than her. She is my best friend, we talk on the phone&support each other through the trying times. We both are christians. She is so interesting. Her children try their best to meet her needs, she has to get firm with them sometimes but then I'm there to help her too. Do what you can, if you have guilt, it may be the Lord or not. But time is short on earth, don't waste it, enjoy your parents, don't forget to ask them the important questions, I regret not finding out more about them and their thoughts.

Hi Jane --

We moved Fritz's mom into assisted living in that complex east of us on Geneva in Wheaton -- and she loves it. She's gained weight, met new people, has round-the-clock care, nice clean quarters. She resisted strongly at first, but Fritz and his brother basically said, "You're going," and she understood. When she was on her own before, it really wasn't good. Not everyone can or should remain in their own home no matter what. I definitely understand what you guys are dealing with; the decisions aren't easy, and I wouldn't pretend to advise you. I can't remember whether Rich has sibs who are involved. But if there's any way of finding a nice facility for them, it would be enormous peace of mind for you and really, them.

I am so blessed by this column. I am Pastor near home. I have always felt good being near my mother and my mother in lawin case they require me in their old age. But now I will be more open to God's will and way and not fear to be far from my parents. For if I allow myself to be spent for the kingdom God will send an Angel to my parents whenever they require help.
thanks

I recently lost my dad. The next morning a neighbour who hardly knew me as we seldom spoke offered to take my son to school. I dont know how to thank her but i know the Lord will. She never knew but she was God's angel during that time.