I tell my daughter "A Womans beauty is in her character" and i firmly believe that.

Beauty radiates from the inside ... it is something you can see in the eyes, in a smile ...

I think women in ministry feel a huge pressure to fit into the 'packaged look' that's so popular these days. Thanks for the reminder that God looks on the inside. I like to think we are touched by God's love daily, so the retouching goes on and on. Our outsides will glow with the love that's bursting from within - even if we look like racoons with straw for hair! lol! Thanks for a lovely post.

I do not think I am pretty. I read my Bible and I do my best to understand and see what it is that God sees, and yet I look to Him and say in all honesty: "Yeah but you dont live here and see what I see"

and what do I see? A muffin topped- almost 38 year old that has cellulite that no fat flush, starve to death diet will take care of..... and yet we as Christian women tell each other that we are beautiful- but we fight it in our workplace- our homes- our bedrooms..... I am getting to a point of relating to Ugly Betty.

I chuckled as I read your comment. I am a wife, mother and grandmother as well as Pastor to women at our church. Up until recently, I never thought much about how I looked. I enjoying dressing and looking my best and didn't think too much about the "extra pounds" that had slipped on over the last few years. Birthdays didn't throw me and I enjoy my life. But all that changed when my oldest child turned 37. 37!!! I'm not old enough to have a son 37. It caused me to take a good look in the mirror. Yup. There were wrinkles and laugh lines. There was definitely a lack of shape. I suddenly was warring with my self image. I had to stop and say, "OK, Rhonda, what's more important, the inside or the outside?" It really was a no brainer but that doesn't stop the mind from telling me that I'm changing on the outside and I'm not sure I like it at all.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" also comes to mind. My husband tells me I'm gorgeous. I'm not going to argue with him, but I know he's biased.
I wouldn't call myself beautiful, but I'm not hard to look at. I have a great smile. All the exercise I've done over the last couple of years is paying off in a not-too-bulgy shape. My hair is getting white and my skin is getting loose, but that's just my "soul's body package" as Jane called it. (I like that verbiage.) I don't think smile lines detract from a person's beauty at all.
I'm fortunate not to be exposed to the world's view of beauty and my shortcomings too much. Since I'm not confronted with it, it's easier for me to think in terms of what God wants for me, most of which has nothing to do with my outer package. I can serve him better if I take care of myself, but the focus is health, not body image.

I have been told over and over that I am pretty. And that is scary as I get older. But I believe that real beauty will show up in the real smile, not phoney and in the eyes. The eyes will always tell on us if we are happy or not. That to me is the real beauty of someone happiness. It is hard in this day and age not to want to botox and everything else out there. But being happy to me is the best presant that you can give yourself and worrying about all this little stuff can take the happiness away. And when you are worrying where does it show up in your eyes and smile. So be happy, do not worry about it and laugh and I feel that you will look younger.

very nice blog.just in time i have a talk this afternoon about personality development.this is of great help.thank you.

I have often wondered about what it means to be beautiful. I have been heavy since before I started kindergarten. Back then it was called "chubbie."

As I got older and heavier my relatives would tell me I had such a pretty face if if would just lose weight.

Since I did not have physical appeal I decided to try to be everything to everyone and I gave and gave to try to win approval.

Why do a lot of people look just on the outside? I can see where your friend thought you looked better just as a "down home mom." To many people today go for the glamour.

In the past I have struggled with the definition of "beauty" for myself. I finally have realized after 11 years of marriage that when my husband tells me I'm beautiful -- he means it. I AM beautiful to HIM and to God and that is ALL that matters. I may not look like the next supermodel on TV, or the woman on the cover of PEOPLE or for that matter, the "pretty lady at church" but I am beautiful. I believe as women we struggle setting a standard in our own minds with what is attractive and what is not then closely comparing ourselves to one another. Thus resulting in a negative spiral of beating ourselves up..... I believe we need to claim the beauty that God sees in us and created us for and not the worldly views that trap so many of us.

I think I'm decent looking and am thankful to the Lord for making me the way I look. On good hair days and when my face is not puffy for whatever reason, I'm very thankful. (I know, I should be thankful every day.)

In my opinion, there are a few facets to true beauty. I think true beauty is someone who takes care of her body, keeping her weight in check and not out of control. No, I'm not talking about being thin or working out 24/7. Someone who keeps up mentally, emotionally, spiritually, politically, and to a small comfortable extent, fashionably. If she is married and/or has children, someone who is in tuned and involved with and encourages her children and husband. Someone who cares about those around her, Christians and non-Christians alike.

As far as coping with pressures the world places on us (women) to present a certain image, I don't feel too pressured. It's hard to explain. In a way I'm sort of stubborn about conforming. I've always waited for fashion to be well into a certain style, like a couple of years (making sure it's going to be around a while instead of a fad), then wait for the clearances. Even then, I'd somewhat alter it a little by adding my own style to it. I wear stuff that's comfortable for me and the way things look on my body.

No, I do not think I am beautiful. God blessed me with a wonderful body, however, I have missed used it, abused it and have made a mess of it. I gained a tremendous amount of weight and have lost a lot. My body sags and I have more cottage cheese than a salad bar. But, I try and tell my self (daily) that God forgives me for this and to remember that my heart and my actions are what God looks at. Because of God's love, I can say I am beautiful, inside.

I do think I'm beautiful. I'm a princess...daughter to THE King of Kings. His love for me makes me beautiful. My husband thinks I'm beautiful, my children think I'm beautiful...I'm beautiful.

I do struggle w/ appearance sometimes, but I know that's an attack from the enemy.

As a MOPS Mentor of 6 years, I am so concerned with the pressure women are under these days to have the perfect smile, figure, children, home and meals. The Christian Community has bought into the lies that beauty is found in the outward appearance. I often wonder today if Corrie Ten Boon would have been consider attractive enough to speak to groups - yet I consider her one of the beautiful women of God.
Remember 1 Samuel 16:7 "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".
Sandra Joseph
Recognize & Remember
www.sandrajo.wordpress.com

This was encouraging for me to read. First of all I am struggling with some weight problems - on steroids - etc due to a liver transplant.
Second - I am a speaker for CW's and am much more comfortable in the "old clothes" and being me!
So like I said this was encouraging!
It is the inside!

How sweet to be so embraced as you are! The friend who gave you those kind comments deserves a big hug! As women, I think we need to encourage each other in this way more. Society puts so much pressure on us to be "perfect". It's easy to get caught up in the comparison game. When we embrace the real beauty of our fellow travelers, we are contributing to a better world! Thanks for the thought provoking story.
Laura

OK. Seeing as no one has posted on here yet I feel we ALL struggle with this one for sure.

I've been doing much of this image thing very much lately. The other night I caught myself checking my hair, fixing it up and approving it with a glance at my reflection just last night while stepping out to pick up my son. I simply had to slip out of my cumfy pj bottoms to slink into stretch jeans, which I may add are the only kind that fit me these days. Did I say stretch?

Yes. Not so slinky anymore at 42. I keep reminding myself I have to do something more with this aging body before I lose it completely and look like my "mother". Mind you she looks wonderful for 69 so I shoudn't be going there.

But, all in all it's there; that nagging feeling that you're just not so pretty anymore and not as appealing as the younger crowd. You never really were beautiful, I tell myself, at least not in the "world's" eye.

I even found myself noticing some real pretty, no let me correct my perspective, beautiful women on TV wondering how old are they really?

"Oh, it's just the make up and all the help they get with wardrobe", I say to dismiss that thought.

But what beauty are they portraying really? Am I looking inside them to the deepest part of the character they portray? Is it a strength I wish I had or a skill? What am I really 'seeing'?

I have had plenty of wise, older and even young women too say I have gifts they admire. Gifts I should be proud of being gifted with and let no one tell me otherwise.

Like Jane, wonderful Jane...she can see my heart and only because she sees me with Christ's eyes and not her 'wordly' ones.

Thank you Jane. And, thank you Jane Struck. Yes, you share the same first name. Thank you for reminding me of Christ's vision of me.

~M>

The key to being enjoyed by those who come to know you and love you is being your authentic self. It may take years for you to get through the process because from birth certain attitudes, expectations and expectations are imposed on us, but once God's spirit is in one's being, one can take off "the onion layers" and begin to discover the authentic self. One's personal beauty is really how you touch others when they have met you and how you made them feel.

Jane, I am appreciative of you for your insite and faithful maturity. Very few Christian Women today understand who's they are. They don't realize that when we say we are imperfect or they don't like themselves theyare saying God made a mistake. "Our God is perfect." Psalms says, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well."
Our Father, the great Creator loves us so much that He says we are His image. From the beginning of time, each creation he made, he would pause and say "it is good." If he made this world so perfectly and created all things, then I know that we are His perfection. I perfer seeing myself through his eyes. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Cheryl

Name one woman who doesn't check the mirror a few times a day. OK, I know there are a few who are "perfect" in perspective, but I don't know many.

In the old, old days, before mirrors, please, please Lord, could I at least have lived by a pond to get a glimpse of my face before hubby and family have to look.

I'm nearing 60--real near--just months away, and I've learned to counteract those peeks into a mirror before I go out in public. As most, I have a flip-down mirror on my car sun visor. Each time when I pull it down to see if I've done a good job of hiding the crow's feet, I now ask myself two customized questions: Who is God arranging for you to meet on this trip to the post office? It's not about how you look, how will you behave?

Thanks, Jane, I forwarded this to my daughter. We have these discussions a lot. Especially lately, because she will accompany me for the first time on an out of state speaking engagement this spring.

Isn't it funny how beauty is associated with weight? I live in India, am 5'4" and weigh 116 pounds. Yet I'm constantly being told I'd look beautiful if only I put on a little bit more weight! Now that I'm engaged , the ' gain weight brigade ' has started showing up in full force!!

The most important thing about beauty that I have found is that people do look beyond your appearance and inner beauty does triumph. I have the proof!!

I'm an ENT surgeon in training and I wear a mask all day( even when seeing my patients). Topped with large glasses and dressed in my usual wrinkled hardworking resident clothes, I do end up reaching out to people. They talk to me about what's going on in their lives. Some of them even cry. They take the tract that I give to them and listen as I talk about Jesus.

I know for sure it's not my fantastic people skills or my beauty queen looks.

Sometimes, when we think we are just coping with life, Jesus uses us as His beautiful tools.
Even when wearing wrinkled clothes....

There have been a few times in my 11-yr marriage where my husband has stopped dead in his tracks and told me how beautiful I look. Mind you these few times I'm referring to have been no-makeup-wearing-sweats times. He said I have a glow about me that unfortunately doesn't come to the surface much.

I often look at really nice photos and think that the women look like that all the time. So, like your friend, it'd be a nice reminder that all women are human -- and they don't always look picture perfect, but they are still beautiful!

I can certainly understand why the church lady liked your "normal" appearance better than the picture. We're constantly being bombarded by women on TV who are made up to the hilt with make-up and clothes. They look like cookie cutter women. Same kind of eye make-up, long silky hair, same fake smile, long slinky legs, botox lips and the list goes on.

People want what is real and attainable not cookie cutter perfect. While these women might be "eye candy" to men, they appear shallow or superficial to many without us even knowing them. They are marching to the beat of the cultural drum and betraying their souls.
It's actually refreshing to see a woman who isn't so "perfect" on a news cast or being interviewed.

Being confident is beautiful. Being at rest with who you are so you can be spontaneous and free is beautiful. Being comfortable in your own skin and not self-conscious or insecure is beautiful. Being engaged in listening and caring about others is beautiful. Being vulnerable, honest and nurturing is beautiful. Being true to yourself is beautiful.

I've seen many women with good looks until they open their mouths. The attitude of the heart makes them appear ugly. Bitterness, anger, arrogance leaves us ugly no matter how well we are shaped or beautified by make-up.

There are many of us who wouldn't qualify as a "10" -- well maybe not even a "6" by the critical eye of our culture. But our beauty of soul and spirit surpasses the "10" most times.

Quick comparing and competing and get comfortable with your skin, shape, features and make the best of them. Accept who you are, quit striving to become someone else and beauty will make an appearance. As women we need to give each other a break and look for the beauty that's not applied but natural. Quit sizing one another up and down and look them in the eye and listen. Accept them just as they are and watch beauty make an unexpected appearance . We can bring out the beauty in one another.

I would like to recommend the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. This book has helped me to see that God sees me as beautiful, even though others do not. I believe that we should embrace the part of our femininity that likes to look good without making it the focus of our existence. I like to have a nice hairstyle and wear makeup that enhances my features. However, I hope that I am remembered for the smile, not the lipstick!

What a refreshing article and discussion among my sisters-of all ages it seems. While am I often reminded by my brutally accurate mirror that my youth has been spent--long ago, my once-curvacious body is now shopping the 1X rack, I must guard against leaving the house each morning with a heavier "beard" than my dear husband (of 31 years), and my curly brunette bob has "gone platinum," to my utter amazement there is rarely a week in which I fail to receive comments about my " beautiful smile," how "pretty," or what a "beautiful woman" I am. Even my husband continues to say such things, and each of us has experienced life-threatening and chronic health issues in recent years. Above all else, what I pray people are seeing is Christ in me. He brings beauty from ashes, and only He can offer the strength and courage it takes to deal with the challenges of aging, health, family, work (as a hospice/home health Social Worker), and --alongside my husband-- caring for our 12-yr-old daughter with multiple disabilities. God is faithful.

I have a true story that I tell to my Women's meetings all the time. "The Ugliest Woman I ever met Is the Prettiest Person I ever met."
This lady's physical features are so extreme that I felt sorry for her. That is until I had been around her a very short time. As I talked with her I soon couldn't see the physical features any more. All I could see was the beautiful person she was. We need to give people time to shine before we throw a wet blanket over them.

a song by Fear of God-a local brantford artist a few years back.

"Goodbye Revlon, I'm not a covergirl, I don't need you, cuz, im not of this world...

cuz im His girl, i'm an heir to His kingdom. I'm justified and purified in the cleansing of His blood. Cuz i'm His girl and He's made me a princess. And he calls me beautiful and I think that's enough."

I know I may not have buns of steel,
But I know that his love for me is real.....
I'm in his presence so, I am set free."