Well, I'm an old flat butt. I will never ever have a rounded bottom. But then Jane there are lots of round bottomed women who would like to have the small flat bum.
I think we are all afflicted with body dysmorphic problems to some extent. We look at our bodies and think they never measure up to the ideal. But that ideal has been fed to us by the TV ads...the magazine ads. So who do we believe? Ourselves or the ones who want to make money out of women's miserable self image?

I used to watch 'Extreme makeover'. It made me feel wretched yet I was drawn to it. But then later there was one episode where a young man with a severe harelip and teeth all over the place was given a new life. His new life enabled him to finally have his speech clear and understood by others.It made me weep. My problems were nothing compared to what this young man had been through.

These comments might be all over the place but they come from the heart and this is complex stuff.Trying to get it out is hard.

When I was young I was considered beautiful. The strangest thing happened. I realized that I was expected to stay that way even after many years. I became fed up with all of this and started saying to people 'Aren't I allowed to get old'? This would take people aback. Sometimes there was some thoughtfulness, other times a kind of blankness. I really think there are some people who want to hang on to the image of who we used to be even though that image has changed over the years.

I can't say I have made peace with my body but I can be a full on grumpy old woman who knows how to say her piece and that feels pretty good.

As a really thin person growing up, I have had issues with my body. My mother was a beautifully, proportionally built woman. After I had two children, I was even thinner than I was as a teen-ager. Thus, my breasts were flabs of skin like deflated balloons. Naturally, I had breast implants which lead to several surgeries. This was due to having so many problems with the implants rupturing or reacting to my body. I joined a support group in New Orleans. That group educated me on the dangers and problems other women - and a few men with other types of implants - had faced with their implants. I beg any person who is considering implants, to do their research and NOT depend on just the media. Search out people who had had similar surgeries.

I no longer have implants, but went under the knife to have my butt tissue replace the implants. One surgery lasted app. eight hours with two teams of doctors who performed microscopic surgery. A week later, I endured a six hour surgery for the other side. I would not be alive today had I not suffered through the surgery. With God's blessing, I have survived and feel healthy. I now have rheumatoid arthritis and I worry about the silicone that is throughout my body. Doctors still do not believe that the silicone will travel throughout a person's body. I have pockets of it which can't be removed. How do I know that it is silicone? I have had several surgeries to remove it from different areas from my body. ... Still I am told by book - educated doctors that silicone will not travel to other places in a person's body!

One angle of a woman's life is how the spouse perceives the ever changing woman's body. Boys need to be reared with the understanding that a woman's beauty is on the inside. But first it's the father who need to realize this. So many women try to change their appearance in unhealthy ways, just to try to gain the approval or attention of their spouse. I know because I was in a situation like this. It took me 31 years to realize that one has to love themself before others can truely accept who they are. I tried to be the person my exhusband wanted me to be instead of being myself.

As the mother of a 10-year old girl, and a woman who is extremely conscientious about letting my daughter know that it's what is INSIDE that makes us beautiful, I can tell you with 100% certainty that my daughter thinks that's a load of crap. I can say all I want about "the content of our character" definining who we are, or that it is people who are "kind and nice and loving" that are the most beautiful, or that "we are all beautiful to God." But when I say any of those things, my daughter, and I suspect many other young women, read that as code for, "You're not pretty, but you have a great personality." All I can do is reinforce it by saying, "You're beautiful on the outside and on the inside," or "You're so pretty, but you're kind, smart and loving, and that is most important."

My question to all women is "why put yourself through all the emotional turmoil?" Pull the plug on your tv...stop reading the glamour magazines...and go for a walk!

Really? An article about how much you hate your thighs? ... followed by an article about a double amputee? Poor article placement! Though we all may have poor images of our bodies, most of us cannot compare with the 69 surgeries Gracie Rosenberger has endured and is still able to encourage US. Sheesh! quit your whining.

Jane,
My mom and I had a similar time together when I asked to try on her wedding gown a few years ago. She had grown up being told that she was chubby so she always had this image of herself as being that way.

Whenever I see her she always says "Have you lost weight? Are you eating? You are so thin."

Well, I *tried* to put on her dress and couldn't even get the back zipper up! She and I looked at each other with big eyes and she was just in shock.

I hope that she had a similar internal experience as you, which caused her to rethink her own body image. She is a beautiful woman... at any size.

Thanks for reminding me of this special time with my mother.

I did not find this article whiny, or frivolous but extremely well written and most importantly an issue with which many women struggle. I do feel silly when I lament the size of my thighs or obsess over my belly. While I know that there are others with bigger challenges I still feel what I feel about my own body. I was once overweight and lost more than 100 pounds. I am fit, healthy and so thankful to God to be able to get up every day and have full use of my body. I've run marathons and enjoy physical activity but I still cannot make peace with my belly and thighs! A recent video project sent me into a major tailspin - exactly how thin does one have to be to not look fat on TV?! I have since obsessed over my thighs, abs and every other aspect of my 43 year old body. I have wondered how little do I have to eat and how much harder do I have to work out to finally have that "perfect" body. Well, today your article has me thinking differently. I am going to stop beating up on myself and love who I am today before I have to contend with hot flashes and mood swings. Bless you for sharing this story.

Thanks for this article. I am 25, married a year and a half, and we just moved to Tokyo. I am petite, but the women here are so amazingly tiny, plus we happen to be staying down the street from some American modeling agency. The temptation to compare and wallow in self-disgust (and pity) is pretty strong, and too often I have succumbed. There are so many more important things in life than the size of my butt or thighs! Being attractive to my husband does matter, though. A book that strikes a good balance is Wanting To Be Her: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won't Tell You by Michelle Graham. Now would be a good time for me to re-read that, I think!

I did not have a weight problem until I had a complete hysterectomy. My family was embarassed by my weight gain and would never take pictures of me after surgery when we would get together. I tried so many different weight loss programs my husband never knew what I would not or would eat. That lasted for about 15 years. Now, I watch what I eat, have lost about 60 lbs, walk instead of drive when I am able to and have decided that if I am not good enough for my family, I am still God's child and He created me. I take care of this body because it belongs to Him and do the best I can inspite of working nights and taking care of an aging husband and father. I've also noticed the family members that gave me the most grief about my weight are the ones that now have a weight problem themselves.

As a 30 yr old single african woman, the beauty scales can be abit steep as sometimes they're modelled on the caucasian standard for beauty(including the african super models lol), but what I have come to learn is beauty is all in the mind. The bible tells us to be transformed by the renewal of the mind. And after watching extreme makeover for sometime, I have come to realise all those ladies are actually beautiful, I only get to notice what is "wrong" when the lady draws attention to it. So I have learnt to affirm myself, and those around me. When am happy with my body I take care of it well, and though I may not be a size zero :) I know I look good even if no one else tells me. One thing I think really helps especially for little gals is to have their beauty affirmed by their fathers from an early age, and not in a casual "yeah lets get on with other things" attitude, even more than their mothers, so if we can rope in the daddies by all mean lets. cheerio gals

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My response is mainly directed towards Joyce, who says to stop whining. The comment is belittling and certainly unneeded.
Everyone has different problems and different capacities of dealing with them. The whole point of the topic is to reassure each other that no one is perfect - God didn't make us perfect - and to remind us that since God - who IS perfect - loves us anyway, we need to pursue growth so that we can love ourselves. Without self-love and self respect, we cannot truly love others the way God wants us to.
Thank you, Jane, for the article. I, too, thought of myself as overweight when I was a size 2 or 4 teen and young adult. Seems crazy now, but self-perception is powerful, and people telling me I was thin didn't "cure" my body image of myself.
Joyce's comment can be categorized as verbally abusive, and I pray that whatever is troubling her that caused her to try & belittle others' feelings will heal soon. (Note-Patricia Evans writes some great books on verbal abuse that, along with prayer and help from our GLORIOUS LORD, can be used as another tool to help us all love ourselves & each other the way we are supposed to - not an easy task.)
Trying to invalidate a person's feelings is cruel & signals a problem within oneself that needs to be addressed. Thank you, Joyce, for reminding me that everyone has bad days (yours evidenced by your comment), and when my next one comes & I am feeling crabby, etc., I will think of you & pray for peace for both of us, as well as the rest of my beautiful "sisters" on this earth.

ladies out there lets learn to love ourselves whether big, small, tall or short.
God loves you as who you are and its your inner being that matters . whats more important than God's love.

At the first signs of my face falling, I was mortified. How many of us have spent at least a few minutes in front of the mirror every once in awhile, tugging our faces upward just to see who once was. Being a mom of 4, the youngest, age 2, which I had at 42. (you do the math), has definately taken its tole. Being out of shape and rather round in the middle, is a new experience. It has taken me awhile to come to grips with the fact that I am no longer considered young. How many of you found it surprising when you weren't sent to the young married class when visiting a new church. I did. Wow!! could I be a Titus women now, teaching the younger women the ways of God. Had I learned enough to become that woman of wisdom? All of a sudden, these extra pounds around the middle were battle scars and although, I will try and fight the middle aged spread with all my might, I will not depend on my outside image to determine my joy. I have decided to embrace this new phase and ask God what He has for me today. Also, as one of my friends advised me, when ask your age, instead of going younger, add on 10 years and hear them exclaim just how wonderful you look.

how we women abuse ourselves, let me count the ways, .... how we women are unthankful to how our Creator made us let me again count the ways... how we women indulge in the sin of comparison with others or even our younger selves... how we all focus on ourselves more than our Creator and are self absorbed... again, valuing the created more than our Creator... hope you all will not find this overly harsh, i am talking from having been in all these sinful places... by His grace, i have repented and am free! thank You Lord! and continuing to pray for us all, i have no greater joy that my sisters walk in His truth...

As a woman who lost 110 lbs 3 yrs ago, I have come to realize I may not ever be happy with my body. I'm in my 50's thinner than ever but flabby and well you know the rest. It is the world that tells us we're not beautiful, God though calls us beautiful and whispers and dances over us, why shouldn't we celebrate that instead of all that we aren't happy with, something about our bodies will always be imperfect.

Jane,
I too, struggle with body issues as probably the majority of women do. Two pregnancies gave me a license to eat and then Weight Watchers helped take some of it back off for awhile until age, gravity and lack of energy let it start creeping back once again. I'm "overweight" according to BMI calculations but I've found myself slowly accepting and maybe even embracing my body image through several avenues. I love to watch What Not To Wear with my daughter and have found the hosts to be compassionate to all sizes of women, helping them (and me) to find stylish clothes that highlight their good features. That has been a big boost for me. I have also found a home at Curves for some exercise and that has been supportive as well. It's been a slow process for me and I'll probably never be excited about my body image but I'm thinking life's too short to make this my top worry - I'll keep using that as my mantra anyway!!!!

Really interesting...and really sad in so many ways. I have always "struggled" with my weight, up and down more than 50 pounds, several times over the years. I too had a wedding gown that fit my then tiny waist...and still didn't think I was thin enough. I have two teenage girls---one feels she's too big, the other is asked if she has anorexia (Truly ridiculous--she's athletic and eats well, she's just naturally thin!). It is extremely difficult to have a good body image in this perfect body-obsessed world! I remember thinking how we as women have really been ripped off when I had a very thin friend bemoaning how heavy she was. And how it really is true that no matter how thin or how heavy we are, we are never good enough according to the standards that have been ingrained in us through the media...and we have bought into it. I also am convinced it's this very obsession and all the diet crazes that have caused such alarming rates of obesity. Perhaps if I had accepted my curvaceous self long ago, the struggle too would have ended long ago. God help us all to be do the best we can with what you've given us, especially if we can count good health among our many blessings!

I believe that every woman needs to accept the way God created her unless there is need for medical corrections with implications on lifestyle etc like a speech impediment. We do need to look our best so one can do the best she can.

Healthwise I think it is important to maintain a healthy weight from healthy eating habits. We need to be disciplined and at the same time balanced.

I think it is quite comon for most people not to be happy about certain features that they may have and think they are not 'beautiful'. Grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.

I would like to advise women with problems accepting themselves in certain aspects to meditate on Philipians 4:8. I also have the same problem and I must say over time I have come to terms with myself. I am wonderfully and fearfully made, in the image of God. I am beautiful, does not matter what anybody else thinks. More importantly, I think I am better off believing what the word of God says about me rather than negative comments from people around me.

Jane,
My daughter and I had the identical experience, from the "maybe she'll want to wear this in her wedding" (not a chance) to her shock and embarrassment at not being able to zip her slender body into it. Thanks for bringing back a sweet memory and for the reminders to be content with our bodies.

As someone who worked in and around the fashion industry for fifteen years, I can tell you that nearly every single model I knew battled within themselves to find a perfection even they could never reach. It was an endless battle -- eating disorders, horrid self-image, sexual promiscuity, drug abuse, you name it.

The models that we are comparing ourselves often hate themselves more than we do.

When I found Christ, I was walking the runway for Giorgio Armani in Milan. I had agents all over the world. I had the potential to make millions. But beneath the facade, I was on the brink of suicide. Starving myself, destroying my body and using drugs, I was literally drowning in the materalism and superficiality of it all. I wanted love.

So when sometime introduced me to Christ, I literally threw myself at God's feet. I left it all -- for an authentic life. For the right to eat candy bars. For the right to be who He made me to be, underneath the makeup and hairdos and clothes ... and His love has shown me that real beauty truly is the love and compassion of Christ within us.

For those young girls out there who think that the whole "inner beauty" thing is a load of junk ... just share my story with them. And remind them, real men aren't interested in a hot-looking woman with breast implants and liposuction that is a total selfish witch. They'd rather spend their lives with someone unselfish, kind, compassionate and giving ... who also takes care of her body and is the best she can be in the skin she's in!

Jen

p.s. read my testimony at www.jenniferstrickland.net

I pray that each of us truly believe that the Lord made us the way we are for the season we each live in. I pray you all joy peace and love !!!
Enjoy the food, eat healthy though and smell the roses along the walk of life !!!
Hard to follow and easy to say ....

Joyce, thanks for the reminder about perspective . . . yes, I have so much to be thankful for (and AM thankful for) regarding my body--two sturdy legs on which to walk, eyes that see, ears that hear, arms that can hug, etc. I think that was part of my point--to be content with what we have instead of criticizing it, as so many women do. I appreciate your comment!

I am constantly amazed at our (and I include myself) obsession with our bodies and society's idea of perfection. I am an amateur photographer, and I have come to realize that everyone has issues with how they look, and those things that make each of us unique, are especially what we want photos to hide.
The verse that has been thrown at me everywhere I look lately is: "Be still and know that I am God." Maybe if we'd take Tammy's advice: Pull the plug on the TV and go for a walk, (and I would add: meditate on the above verse), this whole discussion would seem so inconsequential!

While reading this article, I was thinking of all the things I dont like about my body, (even though my husband thinks I am gorgeous-and that should be what matters), and I was thinking of how I would comment on what society does to women (and men) with all their "perfect" pictures of women, but after reading Debbie's comment about how God made us unique, and the scripture 'Be still and know that I am God" made me realize that God made me the way I am, he gave me a wonderful husband who loves who I am, and if I'm going to complain about myself, it's like I am telling God he didn't do a good job! Just think of how it would hurt us if our beautiful children told us over and over again how ugly they were and how much they hate themselves- it would break our hearts, I would say we do the same to God when we say we hate what He created.

I think many of feel the way you do. I find it funny to go to the dance studio or school functions and meet my long-lost peer group - other 40-50 year olds. They are mostly looking rough around the buldging, greying edges too. They too are trying to hang on to their youth, some successfully, others not so successfully.

Interestingly enough my daughter isn't fat but at 13 was the size I was in college (19). What's that about? A different build I guess. And, I like you, thought I was overweight most of the time between 24 and upwards. Right now I'd even take the weight I was at 31.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I know that fully well. Made in the image of God Himself, embodying the Holy Ghost, and purchased with blood, God/human blood. You may not see it. No one may see it including myself. But it is true. As true as the bible says it is. I will remember that today when I step out of the door and be thankful for a body to dwell in.

I turned 50 this year. I am 35 on the inside. I LIKED 35! This is a serious reflective time for me after major heart surgery. I am so incredibly grateful to be alive, am in better shape than I have been for 25 years, and still not content with my body. This is sin. It is was a very good reminder to me that this body is indeed temporary-and to reflect on what is truly eternal. I am tired of my time, my emotional energy, and my emotions in general tied to a scale and a wrinkle (s). Help me more than ever to strive for perfection in my soul-not by body.

The Lord has shown me (because I been tormented with this all since I was in the 5th grade) that this all boils down to SELF IMAGE I needed the "perfect" shape, hair, nails, designer clothes etc. Or I was a no-body. Yes, this is vanity, and self-centeredness as well as deception.

If I am thin enough and sexy then I will be accepted and wanted by the opposite sex, admired and envied from fellow females, accepted in the work place( I can even get that position because I have the (false)confidence I need. What male interviewer and boss wouldn't want skinny, sexy me?), and accepted by my family members (my mother referred to me as "hamhock thighs")
What does having all this all do for me? Well, I now have false security, false self-esteem, false confidence and so forth. My very worth comes from being and looking this way.
Where is my Lord in all of this? He is absent for sure. This is what He said I needed to do to be free from this selfish and demonic bondage and torment I NEED TO ASK HIM, "LORD, WHAT AM I WORTH TO YOU?" AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE TELLS ME. I NEED A REVELATION OF WHAT JESUS DID ON THE CROSS...FOR ME! I NEED THE REVELATION IN MY HEART AND NOT MY MIND THAT IF I WAS ONLY THE ONE LIVING ON EARTH, HE STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN BEATEN, SPIT ON, MOCKED, WHIPPED WITH METAL RODS, BEARD RIPPED OFF HIS FACE, BETRAYED BY HIS LOVED ONES, CROWN OF THORNS MASHED INTO HIS SKULL, BEATEN TO TH E POINT THAT HE WAS UNRECOGNIZED AS A HUMAN BEING, FEET PIERCED WITH 9 INCH NAILS, WRISTS PIERCED WITH 9 INCH NAILS, AND HUNG ON A TREE. NOT TO MENTION THE WORSE OF ALL FOR JESUS, AS JESUS TOOK MY SINS UPON HIM, HIS BELOVED FATHER HAD TO TURN AWAY FROM HIM.

When I get this revelation, my self-worth will come from HIm. Knowing that I am worth the King of kings and Lord of Lords-- the creator of all, to die for me so that I could be with him one day in heaven for all eternity.
I pray this revelation for all who read this. Ask Jesus today for his answer to your question -what am I worth to you, Lord?

Well, as everyone else, I am very upset with my body. It seems the older one gets the less one can eat and the harder it is to lose what weight we gain! To add heartache to sorrow, I have hypothyroidism and I cannot partake in any of the fad diets, i.e. Medifast, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, just to mention a few, because their products are ALL based on soy, which is something you are not suppose to have for 6 hours after you have taken your meds! Talk about watching what you can and cannot eat! Whew! It is a daily struggle.

I think Joyce(scroll up--Sept. 7) was trying to make us see the differences in life's CHALLENGES and to see that a double amputee certainly has the "right" to complain whereas complaining about weight gain seems just a bit frivolous in comparison. So don't take her comment out of context simply because the truth hurts. I don't think she meant it in a hurtful way. Use it constructively instead of perpetuating the hurt by telling Joyce she has something wrong with her "inside". Just my take on it....we are all entitled to our feelings. It's how we deal with them with others that shows our true character. Jenine, September 15, 2007

I belong to an internet forum for christian women and was absolutely amazed at how many would/are considering getting breast augmentation done for beauty reasons.
I was shocked!!!
Some even spoke about elders and Pastor's wives having it done.
When I used scripture to say that it was wrong because our bodies are not our own, they attacked me viciously.
I am based in Australia - is this something going on in the states in chrisitan circles?
I was horrified. We are not talking about young 20 year olds - women in the mid 20's and late 30's.
My body is so imperfect but that's ok because I am going to be receiving an eternal body one day. This body will be changed (PRaise God) and I am looking forward to this day.
I am comfortable with the skin God has blessed me with - even with all it's imperfections.
It's my heart that is most important.
Praise God!

I'd like to thank each and everyone of you ladies for your comments. I am 54 and have for the past two years been struggling with my weight. It has increased by 30 pounds as I also deal with menopause. I have been one to exercise on a regular basis but in the past two years I had cut back considerably in exercising because my lifestyle had changed. I accepted the challenge to go back to school to work on my Masters. As a result, I didn't have time nor the desire to exercise. As time went on I soon noticed that my clothes (particularly my jeans) were not fitting me like they used to. I was a little concerned when I realized I was 10 pounds overweight but when I hit 20 pounds I kept saying I need to do something about this weight. When I hit 30 pounds I almost went into a deep depression especially since I couldn't fit the clothes that I used to wear. I've tried Nutrisystem to no avail because I found that I didn't like the food. I was thinking about doing Weight Watchers. I've joined an exercise program where there are other people going through the program with me and it has helped. Although my stamina is getting better I still have not lost weight and I've been in this exercise program for about six weeks. The funny thing about this is that God told me sometime ago not to worry about my body! I didn't listen to Him and now I am paying because I have allowed myself to get caught up in all of the hype you see in the media about how much we should be weighing and how we should be looking and everywhere you turn on TV you see fabulous women or women losing much weight or Fitness Challenges. One thing about it, we are not alone in this problem. It is nationwide. I think that I will take the advice of my sisters when they talk about learning how to love my body and be more concerned about what's in my heart. I also like all of the scriptures that have been referenced. I am going to pray to God for forgiveness for not listening to Him and for not being obedient to what He told me to do and ask Him to help me with my struggles. I am going to pray for all of you as well. Then I am going to do the best I can by continuing to exercise, eat responsibly and be the best I can be in Jesus Christ. God bless you all.

Genelle

Dear Jane (& readers)
Your article was enlightening and heartwarming...and could have been almost any of us in reality! I am 53 yrs old and have struggled with my body image since I was in my teens. Back then, anorexia was not as well known and I believe I had a form of that. In high school I dated an older boy (2 yrs older) and always felt inferior. He was older, smarter and popular. I looked in the mirror one day and what I saw appeared (and I stress-appeared) was a blimp. I was 135 lbs at 5 ft 6 in. I thought I looked like I was 250 lbs. I became obsessed with loosing weight and being the smartest and best at all I could do. I exercised constantly...made my intake 800 calories a day and spent nights studying for hours to be the best. Yes...I lost 20 to 25 lbs. and my first prom I weight 105. I almost passed out from weakness. Still....the weight issue continued...I maintained a weight of 115- 120 until I had my children. I managed to still keep it below 125 even after. My husband was an alcoholic and did not pay much attention to me and I became depressed and gained weight until I was almost 150. The highest weight of my life...more than both of my pregnancies!! My stress level at work was terrible...and I had to go to the ER because of chest pains. I decided then and there that I was overweight (again) and needed to get control. I became obsessed again...exercise, dieted and lost weight again...to about 118. Of course, going thru a divorce encouraged that low self esteen again. I have maintained weighing less that 125 for the last 5 yrs. It is a struggle!! Now the Lord sent me a wonderful man and we married. He loves me and I am finally a little more at ease with my weight.
Bottom line is...the individual who suggested that "Fathers" need to encourage their daughters is so true. I believe most woman judge themselves on what MEN would think of them...due to the models and media etc. My whole life I did that. My father did not notice one way or the other. If fathers as well as mothers encourage their childrens beauty within and without perhaps that would give them a better self image. I never stressed weight with my daughter but I know she saw me go thru it. She has a larger body frame than I and as a result should weigh more. She is probably 3 sizes bigger than I but she is still beautiful and her husband loves her and she does not have issues about her body. It is a blessing that she doesn't. She still looks wonderful no matter what. What is important is that our bodies belong to God and we should take care of them not abuse them in either direction. I still exercise and eat healthy but the reason is so that I AM HEALTHY not a twig! Our bodies do change as we age and with a healthy attitude and eating habits and exercise, we can age with grace and be blessed for our lives that God has given us!
Thanks for the article...it was great!