I went to a Christian counselor when my parents split up after their 35th anniversary. It helped somewhat, in that she gave me tools to work with. What didn't help was that I had to keep repeating my backstory over & over.

Hi Camerin,

I do like your writing here and agree to many points there. A counselor is not our Saviour but she/he is there, gifted and equipped by God to nurture His children at some extent. And although sometimes having gone through tough issues in life does not necessarily make us a good counselor, but in some way, it equips us to be God's counselor for other people. I think you may be one of them, Camerin. I believe many have been blessed through your writings and sharing here. So, the next time, it might be someone calling you for a sound advice and help =). God bless, Camerin!

Thankyou Camerin for self disclosing that.
Waiting for a good godly match is difficult and I am about 10 years older than you.

I proably could be Dx with depression as well.
There is a real pain in extended singleness there is no doubt about it. Only God and those closest to you understand. The fruit you exhibit exhudes volumes for all to see. You have made the right decision.
You are running the race well. !!! And you will finish well. Our Lord is proud of you. !!

Amen! I recently moved halfway across the country and was sad to give up my paid friend of two years. But I found a new counselor in four months time. I highly recommend finding someone else. I thought that I was done with counseling (we were winding down in my old location), but the new counselor has a completely different perspective. Sometimes that's all we need.

Wow, this article is yet another example of God's timing! I have recently discovered that my inability to say "no" and my constant state of being overbooked may be almost entirely explained by one word: "co-dependence". God has led me to a place and a realization that I do need help from an outside, qualified Christian source, and this article is yet another boost on the path of getting that help.

Thanks for your willingness to share your experiences! I hope that I am able to share with others as willingly and openly on the other side of the coming sessions... :) May God provide you the strength to meet your next "new stranger" if the need arises.

do u know of any christian cousellors in canada, specifically in montreal that you can refer me to? i checked with my church but they suggested i talk to the pastor, but i've done that and im looking for someone else, preferably a woman. thx.

Hi Sister Camerin,

I am a new God believer and i am a single parent i have two girl children. thank you for sending the newsletter to me.

Gracy

WOW!!! Just when I thought your articles couldn't get any better. Great article. Thanks for being open to sharing this personal testimony. I know God inspired you, AGAIN!!!

Hey Camerin! Thanks for the good article. About two years ago I started seeing a counselor at the recommendation of several close friends while I was doing some serious work evaluating my spiritual life.

As much as I hated the idea of paying to talk to someone I really enjoyed the perspective of someone not as invested in my life as my friends and co-workers, someone who could look in from the outside. About 6 months ago we decided most of our agenda had been discussed and we would go to an as-needed basis. A few months after that she decided to quit doing personal counseling and focus on coaching instead. I feel a little bit of a loss knowing that option is no longer there and I would have to re-explain everything to someone if I wanted to do counseling again.

But, I would recommend it for anyone who thinks it would help. I think it helps if you know if you care if the person is male/female, a Christian/not, etc. Then just ask around...someone probably knows someone to try.

Hi Carmeirn
Your article has truly encouraged me. I took the step to see a counselor and Oh my goodness; I"M FREE. Held on to so much surpressed pain. My thoughts were oh Prayer Warriors have to be strong. Once the truth was revealed on the hidden pain I was carrying dealing with Church. Now I'm Releasing the Past so I can Embrace my Future. I was afraid of what Church folk would think of me. No more. We have to face it, embrace it and LET IT GO. Thanks for being brave to share your story. You are Not alone.
To God be the Glory for Christian Web Friends. Be Blessed.

in my case it's been 10 yrs of therapy, 10 yrs that have gone by so quickly. When I started counseling some of my friends-even my Mom- would think that I was crazy/not normal. But I found in counseling the help to get answers for my life. I am not crazy, I am just broken and trough conseling God has done a GREAT job repairing me :) Your counselor will not give you the answers, but will help you id the tools to get going trough tough times. May God bless them. And if you're there hesitating wether or not counseling is right for you I recomend to give it a try

Thanks for a great article. Sadly where i come from counselling is an unexplored area. I strongly believe it has a place in the body of Christ. Reading the book of Romans, different people are called to do different things including help and encourage others.

Thank you for this write up. Please can you link me up to a christian counsellor on line? I just need someone to talk to about my present marital problems and other ministry-related issues.

Thanks, Camerin, for sharing that you were diagnosed with depression long after the situation that motivated you to see a counselor in the first place was resolved. And thanks for saying you've had this relationship with Linda for so long. Your story was very encouraging to me, since the counselor who helped me through my divorce (years ago) diagnosed me with depression just last week. I've had a tough time with this and deeply appreciate your transparency.

Camerin,

Thank you for this. As I'm reading and reflecting on your article I'm wondering if I need to consider counseling for myself. I feel as if I'm at my wits' end but I don't know the source. Well, I know the superficial source, but my faith tells me to believe that God is my provider, so the superficial shouldn't come into play. Thank you for living a transparent life.

Hi, Camerin. As a psychologist myself, and also a person who's been in and out of therapy for the past 23 years, I really appreciated your article. I felt honored that you saw you saw someone in my profession as God's instrument in your life. I find that I tend to feel rather like a "shepherdess" with my clients (my "flock"), and seek to be honest, caring, and compassionate while attempting to provide an unbiased viewpoint.

I'm still single at 53 and believe it's a difficult path to follow in this culture. In a book I recently read, the author shared that her "mentor" had remarked that her singleness was allowing her to share somewhat in the suffering of Jesus -- I believe that's true. I found it more difficult in my 40's and even more in my 50's. I know now that I won't have any biological children of my own, and I may never have the husband I've longed for.

But it's very fulfilling to believe that God is using me as a healing agent in others' lives and that my life is counting for something. So, thank you for being honest and open in a non-shamed way. You are truly a blessing.

I just came back from my new counselor today trying to stop the tears, anger, and frustration from dealing with past issues I thought were gone and dealt with. I laid on my bed at home this past hour thinking, God can't possibly want me to be talking to someone about the things I should be turning over to Him to take care of for me. I have been giving my emotional pain and anguish to Him for the last week and don't feel Him resolving these things as He used to do so often when I turn over my woes. I've only recently gone back to my Christian Church the last two months since my father was indefinitely terminal and now passed praying for answers and begging for healing for myself and him. Until right now I thought I had done something wrong or was in the wrong place in my life until I read this. I thank you so much...but I thank God and Jesus even more for putting it in my heart to even read this, as I usually put these messages in an archive I read from when I have the time.
God Bless

Thank you, Camerin!!! I have been seeing a counselor for the past 8 months, and can see how God is using her to help me sort through and heal from some major events in my lifetime. However, due to what I've known of the stigma of counseling (both in the body of Christ and in secular realms), I NEVER thought that I would be "in need" of a counselor. :-) Thank you for your very encouraging and validating article. I am saving it to read over again in those times (frequently) when I question whether I am doing the right thing in seeing my counselor. I really appreciate your candor in bringing this topic to the table. I know it will help lots of our sisters out there, as it has helped and blessed me!

I too have seen a counselor off and on for several years. She was the one that could use the word depression and get by with it...no else can do that. I am glad that you have been able to help others get counseling. My family lives far away and have no idea I have ever seen a counselor. My counselor too, is moving away just now. We've had our last visit. She is sending my names for future reference. I dread the day when I have to call and start over with someone new.

Thank you for your article. I was diagnosed with clinical depression 17 years ago, didn't click with the first counselor provided by a program through my employer, but through a friend found a counselor who helped me learn coping mechanisms to help me deal with problems in my marriage. After a year or so, we stopped regular sessions. When I felt I needed her input again when life got difficult, her number had changed, and I learned from my friend that our counselor had quit counseling due to her own mental health! I struggled through life for over a decade, then through my pastor was given the name of a wonderful Christian family counselor, who is currently helping me cope with all of my issues: depression, co-dependency, panic attacks, etc...

Camerin,

Thanks for your honesty. I have gone to see a counselor in the past and thought I could get through this tough season in my life by myself. Thanks for showing me there's no shame in getting help- again. You've been a blessing to me.

I can relate totally Camerin. I have been in Christian counseling for almost 11 years now. I lost my husband almost 15 years ago, having now raised my two children, my girl was then 4 and my son almost 3. Its been a rough road, and I know that I couldn't have gotten through without my counselor and My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still have not told everyone in my family that I'm in counseling or on anti-depressants because of what their reaction might be. Sometimes I think that I don't need a counselor; that I'm well enough; but then something happens where I need to see her again, so I keep going.

Betty

I read this article with thankfulness that you wrote it. I too have been seeing a Christian counselor for the last two and a half years. Starting first with marriage counseling for issues relating to my husbands pornography use and the devasting effects that that had on me, then it has evolved into working on me. It has been the hardest work I have ever done.

I have come to treasure this wonderful Christian woman who is so patient with me, allows me to question EVERYTHING, and does not allow me to slide by without digging deep. She challenges me, kicks my butt, and cheers my growth. If I could affort to pay her double what I do, I gladly would!

If anyone out there is struggling with ANYTHING I would encourage you to search out a counselor. Others on the blog were looking for resources to find a counselor. Here are a couple of sources to look at: http://www.newlife.com/Programs/
http://christiantherapist.com/
https://www.aacc.net/shop/ccn_search.php

Thank you again for posting such a blog that helps us all realize that finding help is not a weakness, but it is a choice to help us grow, heal, and become who God intended us to be.

Camerin, I appreciate so much your honesty and openness about your own personal journey in therapy. I am a therapist and I have also done many years of my own personal therapy. It is wonderful for someone like you to come forth as it is encouraging other women to see the healthy value of visiting a therapist. I also appreciated your column about the women's retreat. I am heading up our church's women's retreat in a few months and i sent your column to my retreat committee so all of us could be sensitive to the different walks of life that women have today. May God continue to bless you in your writings and work!

Hi Camerin,

I am a young lady in Nairobi, Kenya and I am so blessed by your articles, may God bless you.

My case is so defferent bcoz I have tried seeing counsellors but most have not helped becoz instead of admitting the problem is there and helping me with how to move on with the problem, most of them have only tried to show that something I know is there and for real is very difficult does not exist.

I have given up on counselling and I am counting on God's grace to keep me going through my very difficult and almost overwhelming circumstances but for counselling,no!

Thabnks again for your good articles.You are truly a blessing to many. May God continue to enrich your life and use you to bless others

Lucy

Camerin,
Thank you for sharing your growth through God's instrument of help, hope and peace over the past years. I too have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 21 years old. There have been many different counselors and years where I was able to manage things in my life with God's help. I was finally diagnosed as bipolar in 2004 and it has taken 3 years for the doctor(s) to find the right combination of medication to finally feel stabilized in my moods.
Thanks again for your article.

Thanks so much for your vulnerability.

I, too, just started seeing a counselor (this will be week 2!). I just ended a 10-month relationship (i'm just shy of my 34th birthday), and it was incredibly difficult to do. But I learned a lot through it, and I want to be healthy--especially if I ever date again.

I felt like I was walking on clouds after session 1. I cannot describe the elation I felt just knowing that I wasn't crazy, and that I'm doing the right things to heal.

Your transparency in a similar situation and a similar thought pattern encourages me that I'm doing the right thing.

So, thanks for that! ;o)

for those of you looking for biblically-based counseling, you might want to look online for Minirth-Meier New Life Clinics. I don't know if there are any in Canada, but worth checking...

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have had the benefit of a counselor for the past 19 years. They have helped me through the struggles of my depression and Post Traumatic Distress Disorder.

Camerin, honey, wake up!! I was exactly like you. I believed a wonderful Christian man would appear out of nowhere. I had prayed and prayed. Why wouldn't God answer this? Because the world is broken and there aren't many (if any) Christian men in their 40's with no baggage and no hangups. I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful man when I was 37 and he was 36. We will have been married 2 years in Nov. 2007. He was not brought up in a Christian home but he is a gentleman in every way. Thank God I didn;t have to pass my 40th birthday alone and as a virgin. My husband arranged a romatic weekend out of town and we still have the photos to remember it. There are men of character out there. Do you want to be a matyr so you can write articles or do you want to be married and live a normal life? I encourage you to be open to men of character, whatever their upbringing is. You know the old saying: beggers cannot be chosers.

Holy cow, Denise. I don't know what's worse here: You admitting that you essentially were a begger when you found your man. You trashing your husband by admitting you were begging and therefore he wouldn't be someone you otherwise would've chosen. OR that you are calling Camerin a begger and a martyr who's capitalizing on her singleness and should instead marry any old "man of character" who may come along! (Could she write about that then, or is that bad too?)

I'm continually dismayed by the way sisters in Christ can treat one another. Here's Camerin, opening up, sharing her sruggles and her experiences as a means of MINISTERING and testifying to God's ultimate goodness and you trash her for it. What's with that?

How about celebrating her as a woman who chooses to follow God's leading and urging--even when it doesn't fit what culture (Christian or otherwise) might tell her she should do? And how about encouraging her in her incredible gifts of writing and sharing as she blesses SO many other around her?

Camerin is a HERO not a martyr. And CERTAINLY not a beggar. I pray she stays a chooser.

Camerin, I too thank you for sharing your journey with others so candidly. A little over a year ago I did the hardest thing I ever did and sought out a Christian counselor. It was the best thing I ever did. I am learning so much about myself. I was blessed to find someone who is deeply committed to her faith in Christ and feel like I've grown in ways I never expected. It's been a year but I feel like I'm just getting started, learning to be honest and patient. So thanks for sharing that your journey has been 11 years. I recently heard a church leader say that more people should be in counseling and she may be right, at least in the fact that more of us need people we can open up to.

I hope and pray that many women are encouraged by your courageous post.

I highly recommend counseling. It saved me and my marriage. Our christian counselor told me I was depressed and felt I had bipolar disorder (he told my husband this). I was in denial about my depression for over a year before I got the treatment I needed. I ended up having a breakdown and admitted myself to the hospital for treatment. He also helped us cope with the issued a person with bipolar disorder experiences.

when studying Jesus' words what is startling is how well he understood human psychology, and how nothing he says goes against subsequent understanding of that subject!

Having a therapist and studying human psychology and development is a great way to grow and understand the processes of love, patience and tolerance which are necessary to follow Jesus' teachings.

I have found some Christian counsellors to be under-educated in psychology and over-reliant upon scripture instead of formulating more practical solutions for people in crisis.

No one should worry about stigma of counselling or distress or mental illness in this era- it is an area I feel the Bible and Bible teachings need an overhaul, concepts like possession by demons or obedience or attracting the wrath or punishment of God can be used out of context to harm others, often unintentionally unintentionally.

For anyone suffering tonight, do seek help from loving people, and remember- God loves you.

Denise,

That is why Camerin writes for a christian magazine and you don't.

i wont to give my life to christ but i cant
so pls help me to get cross to juses . pls help me to became a cristian.

hello all ,
i don(t know for what i start ...
so,i'm from algeria ...i live in the vide all time
and since3 mounth lather i learn about crithien
...and i think i'm lost for under all what i would to do
and for that i need some help....
if any one can pm me in
gadi_moha7@hotmail.fr

The help need for, life and its troubles seem overwhelming.for the these three things the help needed. Maybe you think no one cares. Maybe your life feels out of control. Maybe you had a bad day.
=====================
malca
Just use the keyword "Christian Drug Rehab" as the link in the signature
Christian Drug Rehab

hi camerin it is very good to hear that you had a very good counsellor indeed and i am very much inpressed by the words from youand deliver my thanks to linda ==============================
jeanpotts
http://www.christian-drug-rehab.org

Certainly one can receive benefit from such; one can also receive wounding. My "ex" was openly having an affair while separated from me before, during, and after some Christian "counseling" - the counselor, could not bring herself to address the affair - that would have been "unethical", since my ex did not wish to address this. That counselor, still with her cutesy little business card adorned with a Holy Spirit dove, is still in business, and in a position of lay ministry at a church I have taken my leave of, partly because it seems my unforgettable sin of being divorced seems to color their perceptions of me.

..What that counselor did want to do, though, was investigate "generational curses" as a cause of marital discord, since she thought "God" was telling her about this.

Awesome blog!

I have been to counselors for issues regarding my sons, my then husband, marriage counseling, and finally counseling for my divorce 2 years ago. In each instance, I got very good godly advice, especially on the last one: the divorce. She gave me some practical advice that literally kept me from dying, because at that time, I was starving myself to death because I was not eating (not anorexia, just depression). She got me back on the upswing. So, I am all for good christian counseling. She helped me get back to a healthy state of mind and I am very grateful to her.

Camerin,
I have been divorced for 10 years after a 16 year marriage. At that time I started seeing Mr. Rogers, a life coach and retired pastor. He helped me through many tears. Last year he moved to WA but has continued his counseling with me and others by telephone. We pay a small monthly fee and talk weekly. It gives him a little income and purpose in life and in return we continue to receive his wise Godly counsel. Maybe your counselor would be willing to continue with you by phone!

Camerin,
I have been to a counselor in the past and it was very helpful to me. I really agree with you 100%, thank you for the wonderful articles. I feel that the extra support really helps when you need to hear it.

Camerin,

Thank so much for your willingness to share your life with us. I benefit greatly from your perspective.

Denise, I hope that "be open to men of character, whatever their upbringing" is not a suggestion that Christian women should consider marrying unbelievers. No matter the character or manners of the man in question - that would be an unscriptural decision (2 Cor. 6:14).

I also think your belief that being alone and a virgin at 40 makes someone a "martyr," and that "beggars can't be choosers," are statements totally at odds with how God views single people and how we are to live lives of faith and trust in Him. Heaven help us all if He is so small, powerless, or heartless as to view us in those terms. It can be easy to feel like a martyr when God does not give us what we want when we want it. But I think He has something better in mind for us than acting the martyr, or begging, or making an unwise choice.

a word to Denise - I'm happy for you - and other singles who meet and marry a Godly spouse. But please, be a little gentler with the judgmental thoughts...we're adults, we know that there is no one "perfect" out there...but God allows many of us to be single.

I'm not unhappy with that; I have many opportunities to serve Him and to do things that I might not be able to do if I were married. And, like Camerin and everyone else, I do have days when I get a little too focused on what could be or could have been. But I didn't marry the "nice" man I could have because I finally realized that God was one putting the check in my spirit, and he wasn't God's best for me. God may bring someone else, or He may not, but I'd so much rather be single than unhappily married to someone who was wrong for me!

Camerin, thanks so much for your honesty and caring enough to risk sharing yourself, knowing that some people out there don't really hear what you meant them to hear.

God loves thoses of us who know that we are not complete without His help. Whether He has blessed someone that they study psychology along with His Word. I would like to see the church deal with mental illness better than what they have done in the pass. I enjoy your article and read some of the comments. I know that writing about your struggles also helps you to overcome. For He has equipped you to endure this test and talk about it. I know that God will continue to bless you and heal you of any doubt that you may have in a decision that you going to make in your personal life. Continue to walk in the path that God has laid out before you.

I am so glad that so many people are speaking up about their experiences with counseling, therapy, and medications! For years, people were afraid to admit that they were seeing a counselor... or needed to see a counselor and were so afraid of the stigma that came with it that they never made the call.
Thank you for sharing your insight and personal experiences in this area! You are such a blessing to all of your readers.

Denise, so did you force your husband to marry you so you wouldn't be 40 and a virgin? I think you missed what Camerin was even talking about.... I think nowadays it's more accepted to see a "shrink", compared to many years ago that if you went, you were considered "crazy".

Last November, the first of 4 childrens deaths within our circle of friends occured. This little almost 3yo was a patient i had taken care of for 4 months and who i grew to love so badly that when we buried him (ironically on my birthday) I felt like it was my child lying in the grave. Following that 2 of my girlfriends nieces died just before and after birth and I also lost another baby at 4 months - a patient in NICU where i worked prior to going on parental leave when i adopted my son in the middle of all these deaths. I thought i was doing ok until the 3rd death and then finallly admitted i needed help. It was the best thing i ever did and my only regret is that i didnt go any earlier. I too was brought up with the mentality that if everything was working well within church then we wouldnt need to go outside - but I think that no more. Going to someone who I dont have to meet in a social setting helps so much to just get all the baggage out. She too said i was on the verge of a depression and that gave me the shaking up I needed. And now life is much better - I probably would benifit from going back to her but as it is, I have her number and will go if I need to again.
Camerin thanks for your articles and your ability to continue to 'spit out' (sorry cant think of a better word;) worthwhile and pertinent articles to help your fellow Christian singles.
Blessings
Joyce

i thought this story was very inspring, very moving. i mayself have struugled tho so much but i am not able to afford coundellin right now altho i really want it : thanks for inspiring me to continue to pruse "working on myself" when i finally do have the means to do so

Camerin,
Thanks a lot for this article. I accepted Christ when I was 16, now I'm 30, during my life we had a big problem in home, because Dad has another family, he is not christian. As the article saids there are somethings that you can not talk with your family, because all are involve in this, so a extra help is needed. I have not gone to a counselor yet, but I'm thinking seriously to do as soon as I came back to my country, actually I'm in a business long travel until augusto. I pray so I can find a christian counselor to be used to help me.

Regards

I'm so glad that you are human and admit it :) The one area where Christian counsellors do need to improve is more need to take insurance. Not everyone can afford the 100 or more dollars an hour (at least in my area), me being one of them! It would help so much if I could get good, Godly counselling, with the help of being supplemented by insurance!

Hi Camerin,

i just came across your article last night and it greatly encouraged me. I too have been seeing a counsellor for around 1.5 years, and have been greatly blessed. She has been great; very helpful and nonjudgmental. I feel i can trust her when i share my struggles, without fear of being judged.

i am a trainee psychologist, and i feel personal therapy to work with my own issues has been greatly helpful to me.. By going through therapy myself, i can get to understand and experience how it feels like for my future clients.

Really appreciate your openness and transparency, Camerin. It has blessed many of us. May God bless you and keep you, as you continue to be His instrument of blessing to others. :) have a nice weekend!