I once listened to a sermon by the late E. Harold Henderson, who said that someone had once sent him a very offensive letter. Dr. Henderson said that he tried to forgive the man, but he just couldn't do it. He said that he eventually prayed about it and rather than being able to forgive the person, he forgot who the person was. He told the audience, "if the man who sent that letter is here today, I don't remember who you are."

I thought that was interesting because it seems to me that when Jesus said that we should forgive someone who does something against us 70 times 7 times in a day and comes and asks forgiveness, he was putting the emphasis on reconciliation. I don't think anyone has ever committed the same offense 490 times in one day and Jesus knew that they would not, but the important thing is that we don't let our sin nature stand between good relationships with other people.

Some people have the idea that forgiveness is about not feeling hurt that another person has wronged them, but I think it is about being willing to rebuild the relationship, even though we have been wronged by the other person. Sometimes, that may mean that we forget that that person was the one who did it.

I have found that forgiving others is very liberating for me. It frees my soul from the shackles of all of the ugly, un-edifying emotions that cling to us when we don't forgive. Forgiveness is one of our greatest tests that will either propel us forward into our own God ordained destiny for living, or it will hinder us as we try to run our course. The freedom of forgiveness is especially true whenever I have been harmed by a fellow Christian because those are the offenses that cut the deepest. Forgiveness moves me out of the way so that God can do a good work in that person so that hopefully s/he will grow and mature spiritually through a God-given revelation of themselves as opposed to the vain attempts at changing others we often engage in when we nurture contention and strife. There have been times when the person in need of my forgiveness was so unapproachable, that I had to say a simple, earnest prayer informing my Heavenly Father that I forgave the person even when I could not tell him/her myself. It is the sincere act of the heart that counts and we must earnestly seek to immulate our Great High Priest-Jesus in how we view hurtful acts of people. And that should be through the eyes of compassion. After all, we ALL need His Grace and Mercy each and every day.

In 1996, I lost my uncle to cancer. During the time of his death, other things were going on in his life. To make a long story short, I felt like his wife neglected and mistreated him..leading up to his untimely and undeserving, so I thought, death. I had so much hatred in my heart towards this individual and I didn't think she deserved to live. I knew that whatever went on, whether my thoughts about his death were true or not, I couldn't harbour unforgiveness in my heart. I had to forgive...not for her but for me. I just couldn't. I prayed and reminded God that He said I must forgive others as I would have Him to forgive me. I told Him I didn't want to or knew how to but I knew I had to. I asked Him to forgive her for me and I needed Him to help me forgive her. And Praise God - He did. God is not going to ask us to do something that He knows we can't do. He just knows that more times than not, those things will cause us to come to Him.

I struggle daily to forgive my ex-husband who was extremely verbally and physically abusive. We were only married 3 years, together for a total of 5, but it culminated in him actually taking my keys, physically shoving me out of the house and never letting me back in. He "rationed" my things to me as he saw fit and had his girlfriend, who was 6 months pregnant at the time, moved in the weekend after I was removed from my own home. The child was born before the divorce was even final and he denied everything, the abuse, the girlfriend, that fact that she was pregnant while he was still married to me and still does to this day. Some days are better than others but forgiveness for me is a daily process and I'm still working at it 6 years later.

I've had to deal with this same issue, more than once. From family, from Pastors, from dear friends. I keep thinking I've forgiven the other person, yet like you when I hear their name I cringe or if they are around I too go the other direction. Guess that isn't forgiveness at all. Maybe I need to pray to forget who has done what to me too.
One woman & I reconnected with via email. I saw her email address for many years in forwards from a mutual friend - so decided to write to her finally. Ask for her forgiveness ~ and surprise it was granted and we are moving back into an online relationship. (She lives in another state). For the others - 1 is a sister, 2 have been Pastors, and 1 someone who I thought was a friend. Maybe we also need to re-examine what the word 'friend' is - were we really friends?

I also don't believe reconcillation is always an option even though forgiveness is a must. You can forgive a wrong or a hurt; but if the other is still the same toxic person it is not wise to keep them in your circle.

The bottom line is: "What would Jesus do?" Forgive and move on loving. O, to be like Jesus.

LC

I once thought that I was a great forgiver... because I can "do battle" about a small thing and then be over it just like that. Over the past few years I've had a couple of Christian friends that I thought "wronged" me and I've really struggled to have the right attitude toward them - even after I thought I'd forgiven them. My husband said one day - ...well, you see it that way because she is still on your list! I denied his accusation saying I'd long since moved past that issue... but the truth is that I haven't. I pray about it, I try to find meaningful ways to reconnect, but every now and then, you're right... I just have to forgive again for the thing I thought I was over!!

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

i am going though a very painful situation in my church right now. I have said some hurtful things(although these things weren't not meant as hurtful, moreconcern) and was confronted about my statements. I apolgized for the misunderstanding, Have tried to carry on but have gotten the cold shoulder from this person. I still keep going to church, yet, thecold shoulder makes it difficult. I don't know if i've said MORE things to offend, there is no conversation between us any more,. I just find it confusing.
thank you.

The Lord impressed upon me that I had unforgiveness in my heart so I prayed about it and all I could come up with is that I could not forgive my sister for leaving me. You see she passed away 4 years ago. I grieved for a time but I did not talk about her or go visit my brother-in-law. Until the Lord made me look within myself I was keeping it bottled up inside me and it affected my relationship with my Saviour. I love my sister and she was the only friend I had, I thought. I visited her resting place on Memorial Day for the first time since she passed. I realize I always have a friend that will never leave me. The Lord will not stand for us to clutter our hearts with unforgiveness. He wants our hearts to be full of love for Him and His people.

I am actually dealing with issues of forgiveness now. Someone hurt me over 20 years ago, and I thought I had forgiven her until I heard myself waiting for the opportunity to tell her how self-involved and selfish her actions had been. When I finally made the time for an adult conversation with her, I acknowledged that although her actions had hurt me, she might not have been aware of their full impact. Additionally, being hurt is a choice. (unless the action is sexual molestation - i dont want anyone to think I'm overlooking deliberate hurt) I am still working through forgiveness, even for the small things, like loaning money to a friend and discovering they had no intention of paying me back. And it's something I have to pray on daily. Thank you for this blog.

I also saw Spiderman 3 and was so happy with the the moral of the movie! Forgiveness! And not only that but the movie gave a really good look (who can forget Peter Parker's face!) at what resentment and unforgiveness does to you inside and out!
The Lord has been dealing in my life with forgiveness towards someone I was very close to and felt betrayed by. The way they handled a situation was unexpected and I felt broadsided when it happened. So I felt my "unforgiveness" was justified. One day I fell under conviction and I was actually tired of feeling far from God and from them. So I actually called them a few months ago and he let me have it! I was the worst person and he know longer even wanted to share being related to me! I was devastated and the Lord dropped something into my heart as I sat there thinking of what in the world to say.. The Lord told me to say I was sorry! So after trying to make amends of a mess I felt I had nothing to do with... I actually apologized to him and asked for his forgiveness. Yes! I the one who did no wrong.. at least in my eyes! ahem.. asked for forgiveness and that is when everything changed! The tone, anger and rage were all deflated and a calm and peace came over me and my long lost relative. It took the power of an apology to fix it all and that came from me. It was such a relief and freedom that I cannot explain to someone unless they had done it themselves. It was just like I had unlocked the prison cell and let him and myself go free!

thanks for the reminder!

God bless you and keep forgiving!

Bec

I too had a falling out of a friendship over hurtful words. We still live in the very same small community. It has taken some time, and things are still not what they used to be, but I have allowed God to move me back to the point of being willing to be open to this lady again. At this point, she is unwilling to travel down the road of friendship again, but I am continuing to pray that both of our hearts will be able to meet again as they once did.
The journey and the waiting have been interesting too. I am being deliberate to note what God is teaching me through all of this. It has been amazing to see who the other women are whom He has brought into my life during the healing process and also for the "replacement" friend, although each friend has her own part of my heart.
I believe that all things work together for our good, and God allows pain for a purpose. The friendships that pass, initially brought much joy and satisfaction, and I would not have wanted to miss that, even though the aftermath is still sometimes painful, even now, almost 4 years later.
Another friend always says, and I agree wholeheartedly, that we can learn something and gain something from everyone we meet...that doesn't mean that it is all good and rosey and positive. We can learn lessons and grow from negative experiences as well.

I have come to realize that truly forgiving does have a lot to do with reconcilation. I thought that I forgave my ex husband after his first affair 8 years ago, and I really had not. I carried the heartache, heartbreak, betrayal, not trusting him and a sense of guilt that I had from his unfaithfulness.

Now that we are divorced due to another affair and his unwillingness to stop seeing the other woman, or going to counseling, I am faced with forgiveness.

Do I forgive him? How do find reconcilation with someone who has ignored, disregaurded and disrespected your children, you through his decision to live in the flesh?

How do I seek a self reconcilation because I will not have that reconcilation with my ex- husband? I do want to forgive him for the sake of my sons.

Desiring Forgiveness

This is the way I handle someone that has hurt me numerous times by her scarcastic comments. I stay clear, that is, far away as possible from her. This person rapid fires her comments at one faster than a speeding bullet and you find yourself actually laughing along with her only to come to the conclusion that you were the bunt of her rude comments. Only once did I say I was hurt and then she acted like there was something wrong with me. Forgiveness? Okay. Trust? No. Absolutely, not.

i too believe that forgivness is a process. i once had a brother in law who had deeply wounded my family and caused my sister to not speak with me. that when on for 3 hard years.
i used to deliver newspapers at night and i would walk and talk with the lord and often cry over that person and what he had said and done.
i then realized that like you forgiveness is a process and every time something he said or did came to my mind i had to make the effort to say lord please help me to forgive them. sometimes we can on our own forgive but sometimes we need the lord's help to do that. i think sometimes the relationship can be restored and sometimes we just need to pray for them. to me that is the best thing to do. the greatest gift we can give someone.
so forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling. feelings are neigher right or wrong they just are. so i think we have to choose to forgive and that the lord gives us his grace and mery and strength to do that.

What an interesting question you pose. Why does Jesus ask us to do such a thing? Perhaps, and this is only a guess, because I have to deal with some messy forgivness questions daily myself.
I think it is another way that Jesus ask us to come to the end of ourself. It is only in those moments that we can see him. And only in seeing him, do the things of earth grow dim and so insignificant. I think God is always in the business of helping us to be more humble, gracious,understanding...just like he is. Even if it takes pain to do it. Especially pain, pain ultimatly leads us to be more like him...which is why we are here.

Forgriveness. That too has been on my mind a lot lately. Between my mom, nieces, nephew, co-workers and my supervisors it seems I am on a roller coaster of anger between all of them.
I don't wish bad things to happen to them but being the costant victim of their verbal attacks has got me to the point of wondering "What is wrong with me?"
Instead of dealing with all of them, I avoid them by moving 60 miles away and transfering from my present job to another job.
My questions. How can a person forgive another when that person does not see they have really hurt you? And is there a time when walking away from a stressful positon is better than staying and dealing with it?
And how do I deal with the fact that I feel that all of this is my fault and that I must be some kind of awful person for folks to treat me so badly?
I pray everyday for all of these folks and ask only God's blessings for them. I see God's answer to my prayer's in my personal life everyday and praise Him daily for answer's prayers.
But even though I am in a good marriage and have three adult children with a life that is good, I am lonely and blame myself because I do not have any close friends and my own mother has stated she hates me.
Any advice?
lv

I'm sorry but I always thought that if you can't forgive that it was a sin. I felt that if you harbor unforgiveness in your heart; that it would keep your prayers from being heard or answered. I also felt that it would keep you from having a relationship with God.
How can you justify the inability to forgive by saying that you forget who who wronged you. I do not feel that you can forget someone if you remember the offence. Please explain.

Jesus said we are even to love and forgive our enemies.. That is, providing they are sorry. The bible does not instruct us to forgive people who are not sorry and dont repent. After all, God does not even forgive us our sins unless we are sorry for them and repent of them. THERE ARE CONDITIONS TO GODS FORGIVENESS. As Is 55.7 says...God will give mercy and abundantly pardon, but first the wicked must forsake his evil thoughts and deeds, repent and ask to be forgiven. How far can u go in loving and forgiving those who are vicious enemies who hate you and want to rob, enslave or even slaughter you and your loved ones? We are to give our enemies time, we are to be patient, show them love and forgiveness, that we are ready to forgive them if they will repent. It is naive to believe that we are to love and forgive enemies who do not repent and who insist on continuing to do evil and harm to us and our loved ones and our nation and especially our persecutors persecuting our faith (christians (minority)...i live in GOA india. As christians yes we are obliged to show love to our enemies. But that does not rule out the fact that we are to defend ouselves from their cruel attacks! It does not even rule out as attacking them to stop them from killing innocent people!.We must not be so forgiving that we lose all moral values and lose all sense of right and wrong, and by standing back and doing nothing to stop them, condone them in their evil deeds. We should not hesitate to stop them if their evil, violent actions threaten our lives . We should not forgive them for criminal acts of murder, terror, intimidation or the torture of innocent victims!!....SORRY I CANT CONTINUE AS there is limited space here ...i wanted to speak more about "WHEN WE SHOULD NOT FORGIVE!" my email address hisnher@dataone.in if anyone wishes to know further can write to me..thanks for reading...MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS U AND UR LOVED ONES....AMEN

Reading this article has brought tears to my eyes. I have been struggling with this issue for so long and it has been bothering me so much. I have turned it over to God and have asked Him to bring healing to my life. I'm positive this is a part of His plan for me. It seems that I am angry at everybody. Some of these people have held unjustified(to me)anger at me so I feel why try to forgive them? Others, I have tried so hard and am afraid that if I forgive they will hurt me again. If I have given what I feel is my all and I am taken advantage of then I find it almost impossible to forgive because that would me laying my heart out again. I can't forget these people,they are mostly family. How do you start a dialog to reconciliation?

I was only six years old when I first experienced how God must have felt when He declared that He regretted creating man.

“And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him at His heart.” Gen 6:5-6

Not only was I falsely accused of doing what I did not, I was forced to confess that I did it. Incredulously, my accuser was none other than a three-year old, Funke who lived with my Grandma. At her tender age, my Grandma did not believe that Funke was capable of such devious manipulation and believing her above me, extracted under duress from me, a ‘confession’.

Little Funke had a doll which under my Grandma’s strict child rearing practices, she was only allowed to play with under supervision and with permission for a determined length of time. This doll stood right at the back of my Grandma’s chest of drawers and Funke could definitely not reach it by herself. I could only reach the front of the top of my Grandma’s chest of drawers by leveraging myself with one foot on one of its brass handles.

Funke came downstairs with her doll to my Grandma where she was doing her laundry in the yard.

“Who gi you that dolly? (Who gave that dolly to you?)” my Grandma started.

“Na Funlayo (It is Funlayo)” Funke responded.

“Go call am cam (Go and call her)” my Grandma continued.

I came at my Grandma’s request and was greeted by,

“Who say make you gi Funke im dolly? (Who told you to give Funke her dolly?)”

“Naw to me gi am the dolly (I did not give her the dolly)” I protested

“He say na you gi am (She said you gave it to her)”

“Naw to me gi am!!! (I did not give it to her!!!” I intoned irritably

As the Yoruba would say, “Kekere ni mo pe ike Lakunle (I thought it was a minor issue)”

My Grandma asked Funke again pointedly, “Who gi you the dolly? (Who gave you the dolly?)”

“Na Funlayo (It’s Funlayo)” she replied without blinking looking me straight in the eye with her big bulging eyes feigning innocence.

I could not believe my eyes or ears. A mere three year old, so vile?

If I thought my denials would end the matter, I was wrong. The more I denied, the more Funke insisted that I was the villain she was painting me. My Grandma admonished me to tell the truth; Funke could not lie at her age she surmised. But I was telling the truth I persisted. And so did Funke persist in her lies turned truth as she clutched the controversial doll.

Mother (as we called my Grandma) dismissed Funke without the doll and as she continued with her washing tried to get the ‘truth’ out of me. Her tactics were as diverse as they were diversionary. Force, threat, anger, emotional manipulation and finally indeterminate punishment. I would stand in that hot sun until I confessed to the ‘truth’, her truth and Funke’s truth she advised me resolutely. I stood my ground in the hot sun thoroughly dejected, abandoned, maligned and not allowed to use the bathroom to the bargain. Intermittently, Mother asked if I was ready to tell the truth. After some time I stopped responding, “Naw to me!!! (It is not me)” as even my sobs did not move my Grandma.

Eventually, after time in eternity it seemed, I bowed to duress. My legs aching from standing for so long, eyes red from crying, despondent because there was none to save and with my black face tanned doubly by the burning sun, I finally keeled with, “Na me(It is me)”, tears pouring down my face with the force of a newly dredged Isale-Eko primary drain. In the abyss of humiliation, I was made to repeat my confession several times.

My legs were as heavy as lead as I climbed up the stairs to our apartment. My Mummy saw me crying and wanted to know why. I told the whole sordid ‘home video’ story. Mummy exploded!!! She had with her two ‘koro-koro’ eyes plus thick eye glass lenses, seen little Funke, small as she was, climb up the armchair beside the chest of drawers in my Grandma’s room and standing on the arm of the chair, stretched herself to the fullest till her little fingers toppled the doll over and then picked it up. I was nowhere within the vicinity of the ‘crime’ when it was carried out, it became evident.

Funke was compelled to admit that she had been found out and reversed herself as she had actually told my Mummy when she was challenged that my Grandma gave her permission to take the doll.

Rather than get a reprieve with this discovery of facts, I got into more trouble with my Mummy for succumbing to my Grandma’s pressure and tell a lie against myself. She was very upset with me and said so in very many words.

“Never in your life are you to admit to what you did not do even if you are to be killed. Do you understand?” she admonished finally.

“What a day!!!” I thought as I nodded my head.

For years I carried the pain of the injustice done to me by Funke and my Grandma. I quickly forgave my Grandma though, as I realized that she was misled even though I smarted at the fact that she chose to believe ‘water’ before she did her own blood. Even after Funke left our house and went to school in England, the pain would not go away. I became a mother of three children yet the pain though numbed, still throbbed within me.

My heavenly Father looked down and one day, released me from this hurt in 1999, 36years after. At the wake-keeping of the lady who lived opposite my house, someone I could not recognize at all called me by name. She introduced herself; Funke stood before me live.

You will not believe the resentment that came up as I answered her tersely. I truly did not care to know her again as I prevented her from coming into my home with me, try as she did to be warm and friendly. The Yoruba adage ran true appropriately,

“Eni su le gbagbe, eni ko kin gbagbe (The one who defecates easily forgets, but the one who has to clean the mess never does)”

She promised to pay a visit the next weekend and true to her word she turned up. When she made her promise, I was ready for her, “I know just how I would handle her” I resolved. Surely she would feel the pain reversed as I reminded her of her vileness!!!

When Funke walked into my home that Saturday morning, I did not welcome her into the family living room upstairs as I usually did people who were not even as close to me as she was. After deliberately keeping her waiting briefly, I met her at my dining table where I had asked her to be seated. I took the seat farthest away from her and radiated discomfiture to her as I engaged her in superficial conversation.

It was at this juncture that the Holy Spirit took the matter right out of my hands and ordered my steps. I was asked to pray with her and I had to obey. As I took her two hands in mine in prayer, the pain of 36 years unforgiveness dissipated and a certain peace came over me concerning her.

Funke never came to my house after that encounter and I have not as much as stumbled into her anywhere. Why she kept away I do not know, but I received much needed healing in my heart.

I've done so much reading on this. . .and heard great teaching. Forgiveness is an act of the will. We can ask God to change our hearts towards a person - giving him the hurt feelings and pray God's best for that person. If they don't acknowledge their sin however - if there is no repentance - there is no need for forgiveness from us. WE have no right in Christ to hold on to anger and resentment and need to give it to God and let Him be the judge and punisher for sin. ( And keep doing this as those feelings come up - He is faithful to heal our hurting hearts but sometimes it takes time!) Reconciliation comes when one person asks forgiveness and the other gives it - then we have relationship. This is how our relationship with Christ works! We repent of our sins - He forgives. It translates to human relationships too. Sometimes we have to have the courage to confront the sin and tell others how their actions affect us. We don't always have to wait for them to come to the realization they have sinned -they may not be aware and cannot grow until we lovinging (for their benefit and for the benefit of relationship) confront.

I know these are unusual words - and when I first heard these concepts - I balked - but it makes sense and is a reflection of our salvation in Christ. While forgiveness is ours for the asking - we do need to repent of our sins to have unbroken fellowship with our Lord. He asks the same of us.

It's hard. It's painful. I sometimes want to be right and to punish. But God says that's His job. So I have to go back to the Source of all and repent then of MY sin - my anger, my resentment, and pray for God to work in the heart of the other person and prepare mine for love and fellowship when those doors open.
Blessings to you all.
Susan

I struggle with the same issue of old feelings coming to the surface when I too see old friends who've hurt me. It hurts even more when I try to rebuild the friendship and am rejected again. For the majority of my life Jesus is/has been my only true friend who loves me unconditionally. I can't wait to be with him in person!!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! to Timothy, & Elizabeth for sharing with us the trials & triumphs of your forgiveness. I have been dealing with this issue greatly this week as I have faced the facts that even though I think that I have forgiven some people in my past for the hurt I still suffer today, it is the very anger that I am still harboring that is keeping me from a closer walk with God.
It is an issue that I think we all deal with whether we face it or not.
The book of James teaches us that it is through the trials that God wants to give us strength and build our faith and sometimes forgiveness is one of these tests.
Pray for me!
God Bless!
g

It's easy to believe you have forgiven someone until you are confronted with them. I have someone I need to forgive, and it's easy to believe I have until I'm face to face with them. Being able to forgive someone who has really hurt you is a hard thing. Jesus says to love the unloveable and forgive the unforgiveable. Easy to say but hard to do. It's easy to love those who love you and be kind to those who are kind to you, but to forgive someone who has hurt you beyond reason. That's hard, and yet Jesus does that for us every day. I'm not always loveable and certainly not always forgiveable, but my Savior loves me just as I am and forgives me every second of every day (because that's about how often I screw up)

As a preacher, I have preached on forgiveness and thought I had no unforgiveness toward anyone. That is, until I was asked to take care of my elderly mother. Whenever my mother would say something hurtful, or act ungrateful for my efforts to help her, the old feelings of anger from abuse in my childhood, would rise up like bile within me. Crying out in tears, I asked God's forgiveness, (and several times, asked my mother's forgiveness), so that I could live in peace.
Has my mother ever asked me to forgive her? No. Yet I love and forgive her, regardless. As a human, I am subject to unforgiveness; as a Christian connected to God through Jesus Christ, I am able to forgive, and even to reconcile, by God's grace, when possible. There is power in God's Word, and power in love and forgiveness. I pray God's strength to love for every Believer.

I have just had a joyful reunion for one of my "best" friends who "left me" for 5 years. I was so hurt, so lost without her in my life. But how was I to know the outcome five years ago?

It truly is a joyful reunion - we have both matured (I'm 53, she's 62) and we've both been through much during our "time out". She lived on another continent. I started a business. But now, we work on "healing" through God's help, and the healing that takes place with us, by turning it over to God, is amazing.

We're both going to use our knowledge of healing to help displaced women, prisoners, teens and anyone else that needs a helping hand.

The thing I always say when someone says something that in the past, has made me resentful is "What you think of me is none of my business!" Just as no one can define me with their judgments, neither do I have the privilege of defining others. When we stop the judgment, and forgive (with God's help - leave resentments at the door), then we find peace. That peace that passeth all understanding. God is peace.

Jesus didn't say, "I love you, even though..." He said, "I love you unconditionally." That's why forgiveness works. It heals US! Our ol' ego gets to going on all the reasons we're justified in hating, and "whoosh, there you are - separated from God."

But forgiveness, well that brings us back. My friend and I both feel like prodigal daughters. We were lost, and now we're found - in God's loving arms. There is no other way to live in God's peace. My humble experience, mind you. If you want to believe in the ego's (read Satan's) separation from God, then forgiveness is hard. If you believe you are truly a beloved child of God, that Jesus changed our lives through His sacrifice, then forgiveness is the only intelligent and mature reaction to any problem!

We may not know how to handle things, but just turning it over to God and saying, "I don't know how to handle this, but you do. I trust you and know you'll show me how to do this with integrity."

I prefer God’s almighty grace, to the
ego’s (Satan’s) shallow hammering of justice. I’m healed through grace and I am humbled and grateful.

We live in a world that needs forgiveness. If not us, who? If not now, when?

Im reminded to forgive my intimate childhood friend. Over the last 10yrs im cut off from her & whenever i think of her i tell myself i've forgiven her. Although I've burried the past painful memories... but whenever i see her i still have the stomach gripe. Im inspired to forgive Ema my friend!

I've forgiven my ex-husband for all the pain of abandonment and lonliness he inflicted for nearly 11 years, but I find it's an ongoing process. We're no longer married but we are raising our children, still do not see eye to eye, and are still dealing with each other's "unique" characteristics. For me, this process requires an extreme amount of humility in recognizing my own contribution to the problems and asking for God's grace to look at his with compassion and empathy. Very difficult, to say the least. The fallout, and what I continue to struggle with mostly is trust, even with the Lord. I have to "submit every thought [of betrayal, anger, distrust, fear, resentment, bitterness, self-pity, self-righteousness] to Jesus Christ" and it is a daily struggle that has repercussions in all my other relationships. This wound may take a lifetime to heal, if it ever really does, but knowing this keeps me daily relying on the grace of God.

I have also struggled with forgiveness all my life and it is affecting my current relationship.i grew up with a dad who used to physically abuse me.Just when i thought i had worked through my painful past,i met a man.he is currently my husband.he put me through hell,humiliated me in so many ways.he also added to my childhood struggle by hitting me.how do i even start forgiving him when i could not forgive my own father?He has changed and does all i ask to help me work towards forgiving him but i fear i never do it.i really understnd that it only takes someone mentioning something for the whole day to crumble.It is a long processes and will be robbed of what God has planned if you dont forgive.God bless.

With unforgviness comes anger, hatred and bitterness- and no ones likes to be around someone who is bitter because as the bible says others can become defiled by it. Also that unforgiveness could lead to us either doing or saying something that we could regret. I know because I regretted not dealing with the way I felt for how I was treated by someone and the response that I gave for that offense ended up with me hurting that person deeply. Did I feel better for making them hurt? No, I only felt worse and had to end up asking God to forgive me for what I had done and me also forgiving myself for the trouble I had caused by not dealing with that initial matter, the way I should have. It did take awhile but I no longer dwell on that issue.

Forgiving someone is very HARD it is simply not easy to do. But holding onto it can be deadly because whenever we reflect back on what was said or done to us, the hurt, anger and frustration we felt at that time resurfaces with force and believe it or not we would spend the entire day fuming about it, resulting in our bodies having to work extra hard from the emotions that we are feeling inside. While the person who has cause the offense is remaining calm, and probably enjoying a nice cold beverage!! Yes whatever was said or done hurt and probably it still does, but it is better to let go of it and tell God- plain and straight- "I don't like what this person said or did to me, and I feel like getting back at them for it, but God how many times have you forgiven me and it was so undeserving for what I have done, but you did it because you love me. God I am not saying this is going to be easy and I am asking that you help me with this and the way I feel concerning this person"

I feel God is speaking to me this moment through your article. Just like you said, forgiveness is a process but some people in church think its something automatic if you are a child of God. A close friend (or so i thought) had an affair with my husband five years ago, I have been able to forgive my husband by letting go and rebuilding our relationship, believing that He was not the real person who did that wrong or rather that my so called friend lurred him into it, But its being difficult to forgive this 'friend'. I am no longer hurt by what she did, but i can not see myself rebuilding the relationship we had before. I pray constantly for God's grace to truly forgive her. Just yesterday, i was asked by my Pastor, to forgive her as we are not even on talking terms and we attend the same church, she claims to have repented, but i am scared that she might repeat same act. At a time we are on greeting terms, but for the past two years now, we have not being on talking terms. I gave my promise that i will respond to her greetings but i will not go out of my way to look for her friendship. I was disappointed in myself because i thought i had dealt with my unforgiveness.

Reading this article brought feelings of a very similar situation. I have a sister-in-law although a Christian, was (and I say that in hope that she has changed) very manipulative and would cause division between church and family members. It has been years since the incidents happen and their have been no additional ones to my knowledge, but I believe it is only because we hardly see each other accept when they will accept an occasional family invitation to dinner or a cookout. Several times I have tried to look past the incidents and to renew the friendship, only to find that she had not changed. This has been very difficult because she is my brother’s wife. One mistake I made was keeping some of the incidents from my brother, I did not want to cause problems for him and his wife and once she asked me not to tell him what she had done. I now realize this was wrong, because he now feels that we are just not accepting of his wife and had he known I believe we could have all sat down and addressed it, there may have been some hurt feelings, but the truth would be there. There are times I want to confront her so that there can be closure, but in most cases she had an excuse for her behavior and was unwilling to accept responsibility. This makes it even harder to forgive when the person feels they have done no wrong. Each time I think I have forgiven her, I see her and I know it’s still there and each time I pray “God Help Me”.

Hello,
Forgiveness is the crucial theme for a christian to be able to live in freedom.
Years ago a revelation on the subject was to know that forgiving is to be willing to live with the consequences of the sin of another letting the person free in Gods hands. If I don´t forgive I keep enslaved to that person consciously or unconsciously. You can live with the consequence of one others sin in freedom or in bitternis and bondage.... We have to go through a crisis in our will to practise this way of forgiving...and dy on ourselves...and ask God to reveal us what really happened on that cross.

I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine about a past relationship that i had. She asked me if i would ever take him back if he changed and/or became saved. The relationship was a six-year long, dysfunctional, and abusive realationship. So much so that a protective order was issued against him. I let her know that though i have forgiven him, i would never put myself in the position for him to ever treat me that way again. Then she stated the old "forgive and forget" rule. I told her that I believed that though God wants us to forgive, I do not believe that He wants us to forget. How would we learn from our past mistakes and experiences if we forgot what we forgave? Though i have forgiven that person, it does not mean that we have to reconcile or re-develop a close relationship. Because i have forgiven this person, that does not mean that the other person has changed or grown in anyway. Even if they were to change and get saved, i still do not believe that there has to be any type of close relationship. Just to clarify, we do communicate respectfully but we are not what I would call "friends".

In Mark 11:25 Jesus says If you have anything against anyone, forgive him, So that your Father in heaven may forgive you. WOW Shouldn't we be doers of the word instead of just readers of HIS WORD. I know its hard but He says Forgive him.

I have been stuggling with forgiving someone in my church for years. I find that there are two reasons that I struggle with forgiveness: 1) my selfish desire for vengance 2) I don't trust in God. Really, they boil down to the same thing. If I truly trust in God and love Him with all my heart then I should be able to put this situation in His hands. I realized this today; now I need to take steps to changing it. Instead of focusing on the person's wrong or even on the possibility of being hurt again (this is not a physical threat), I will focus on God's faithfulness and provision. And memorize verses about that faithfulness. So the next time I have to see her, I can remember to trust in the Lord with all my heart; rather than trying to think of ways I can expose the wrong. (I hope I wasn't too honest here.)

my mother died when i was 37. it was as though pandora's box was opened. i did not seek it--it sought me. i was grief-striken. in the midst of this upheaval, a neighbor called me at work, asking me to keep "something" for her. i went home at noon for lunch when i heard a knock at the door. i opened the door, and this neighbor handed me a gun. i hid it my headboard. however, i kept going back to it as if drawn by the gun. it was then that the gun triggered (pardon the pun!)old memories of "gun episodes" with my step-dad while still a very young child. there were times i was sure he would kill my mom, and come back to kill me. the next morning no-one would mention the episodes. the flashbacks continued. after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt my self, i approached my s-dad (he lived 1000 miles away) asking for some time with him. he gave me 30 minutes in a cafe. i told him of the flashbacks. he did not say he was sorry, he did not confess to the episodes, but, what he did say was everyone has regrets. that was it! what i was searching for was confirmation that i was not "crazy." i could then walk away knowing it had indeed happened. i needed healing through a counselor. about 3 years after the confrontation, i was resting on my daugther's bed, when these words hit me straight in my heart. "u say love those who love u, i say, love your enemies, those who persecute u." a light instantly went on...my s-dad was "my enemy." acting on that insight, i wrote a letter to my s-dad. i updated him on my children and our life in general. then, i asked him to forgive my resentment toward him for so many years. at last, i was set free! :) he never responded to that letter--but, i heard from another family member, that my s-dad had a "nice letter" from me. that was it! he never asked for forgiveness. that was ok, i had obeyed God's word spoken to my heart. because he lived 1000 miles away..i was not required to change the relationship into something he did not want or desire.God did not require more of me. we were, at long last, no longer enemies.

it is very hard to forgive and i try to forgive but forgiveness is still a major process i'm going thru.SO PLEAESE PRAY MY STRENGTH THAT I WILL BE ABLE FORGIVE ONE DAY THANKS

it is very hard to forgive and i try to forgive but forgiveness is still a major process i'm going thru.SO PLEAESE PRAY MY STRENGTH THAT I WILL BE ABLE FORGIVE ONE DAY THANKS

it is very hard to forgive and i try to forgive but forgiveness is still a major process i'm going thru.SO PLEAESE PRAY MY STRENGTH THAT I WILL BE ABLE FORGIVE ONE DAY THANKS

This is a powerfull subject. Forgiveness is the key to release your blessings cause it will remove the barrier that block our blessings making God's beauty to be seen in our life. Word cannot contify the amount and the kind of peace and joy we feel when we forgive.

Violet,

I disagree with your posting. Particularly with your opening remarks, "Jesus said we are even to love and forgive our enemies.. That is, providing they are sorry. The bible does not instruct us to forgive people who are not sorry and dont repent. After all, God does not even forgive us our sins unless we are sorry for them and repent of them. THERE ARE CONDITIONS TO GODS FORGIVENESS. "

++++++++++++++
Jesus said to love our enemies. He said if they asked for it to give them food to eat, water to drink and to not simply give them clothing, but our coat as well. He did not say to do so only after they had asked for our forgiveness and was no longer our enemy! He goes on to ask what does it profit us to only love those who love us? Never forget this fact, "We love Him because He FIRST loved us."

Confessing our sins to God is an exercise in obedience, acknowledgment of His Holiness and our need for Him to show us ourselves so that we can be changed and made Holy. It also allows Him to then throw the sinful act into the sea of forgetfulness never to be remembered by Holy God against us again. God is VERY clear in His commandments to forgive and to do so quickly. Jesus admonished us to forgive our brother 7 times 7 times (which is another way of saying, forgive every offense, whether we are asked to forgive them or not). When we harbor ought (unforgiveness) in our hearts towards others, God doesn't listen to our prayers and He doesn't forgive us our own sins.

Never forget that God's plan of redemption was put in place for you before the foundations of the earth were laid. You came into this world AFTER Jesus had already died on the cross and paid the price for what you would do wrong in God's sight. God saw your beginning from your end and knew all the sin that you would ever do. But He drew you to Himself anyway! What mercy!! He didn't wait for you to come to Him and ask forgiveness before He layed down His life for you and gave you eternal access to Himself and to a blessed life. He simply offered for you to accept the free gift of salvation.

God is Holy and Sovereign. We can't use a "What's good for the goose is good for the gander", when we are determining how to interpret God's laws and priniples. Because He is God, He has a right to place conditions upon anythng that He chooses to. But He loves us and extends grace and mercy towards us unconditionally. It's not a mater of whether or not God Will forgive us. It's always a matter of whether or not we will submit to Him and receive it. Remember, we will all commit sins that we are not even aware are sins! Those we won't even deal with before we stand before Jesus and give our accounting for our lives. But God remains faithful and loving towards us each and every day. Thank God His mercies are new every day.

We can only see the outward intents of a person and what they will allow us to see. But God knows the hearts of people, and what you may deem to be an unforgivable person, God says He will forgive them all because He knows the true spirit of the person and desires for that person to walk with Him. Your not forgiving someone may be the act that causes that person to turn from the very God of mercy Who desires to save Him/Her just as He saved you.

God never says in His Holy Word to only forgive those who ask it of us. He said simply to forgive others because He forgave us and gave His only begotten Son who was without sin, to take our place on a Roman cross that we surely deserved to be nailed to.

Every person that we don't forgive, is a place given to and a foothold created for the enemy to climb up into our lives on and do great damage. Satan loves for us to harbor ill will in our hearts towards other people. He stands with the angels before God every day and accuses the Brethren. Isn't that the same thing as not forgiving someone for their sins?

God doesn't instruct us in naivitee. He instructs us in the things that give us abundant, victorious and eternal life.

God allows no excuses for unforgiveness. Study out the Word forgiveness in your Bible and ask The Holy Spirit to instruct you. Seek God's face today. Yield your God-given free will to His Holy Will and He will faithfully and fully deliver you from whatever unforgiveness that binds you.

God Bless and Keep You

I have. After a childhood of dysfunction I had to learn to forgive so that I could give my children something greater than bitterness or unresolved anger. I think that is the one issue that we fail to understand at times--at least I did--that forgiveness is just as much for our freedom as it is for the person we forgive.

Great post,

T. Suzanne Eller (Suzie)

I read a very informative book by Andy Stanley in which he addressed anger (what we tend to feel when we're unforgiving - ugh!). It was enlightening to read that when we hold something against someone, we're really saying, "You owe me. I can't forgive you until you pay up."

How on earth can an ex-husband, an abusive parent, a sarcastic friend, fully repay the pain, what they've taken from us? What on earth could they do to compensate? They can't.

I'd been holding pretty tightly to pain from a family member, trying to forgive daily and only partly succeeding, when I read this. Forgiving this debt of hurt, knowing she'd never be able to compensate (even if she wanted to), helped (Lord knows she didn't want to).

Even then, the pain didn't go away. I still didn't want anything to do with her (why go near a vicious dog if you know you'll be bitten?).

But releasing the debt allowed me to take the next step, which was to see her as she really was. To see the pain in her life which causes her to lash out. To see the emptiness in her that causes her to try to suck the life out of others, desperate for a life of her own. Now I can be compassionate. Cautious, but compassionate.

And now, following the 51% rule (I'm responsible for 51% of my life, as well as the consequences of my decisions), I can determine how I'll interact with her. What consequences I'm willing to invite by that interaction. And not blame her when things go haywire, or she digs her claws in. It's my choice to go back to the relationship. Bear the brunt of the hurt in a desire to be loving. I will be hurt, but it's because I choose to face into it.

Sometimes I choose not to face into it. Sometimes I'm weak, childish, hurt, and can't face that kind of pain. That, too, is my decision. Not hers. It's so freeing!

forgiveness hasn't come easy for me in dealing with a friendship of just over 7 years. we were roomies at college and inseparable. of course, we went our separate ways after college, but maintained a stellar connection--many visits, hundreds of phone calls, notes of love and encouragement--all that good friend stuff. and within the last 3 months--NOTHING. no phone calls, no emails, no notes. i've tried to make things work--made phone calls, sent emails, sent notes, but to seemingly no avail. and it hurts. i don't have any idea why this happened or if she thinks i did something. i've forgiven her. but i still get worked up when someone brings her up. maybe because i haven't had closure...or maybe because every day i need to release my frustration and hurt to God and say, i may not understand, but with your help this will be okay.

I, too, still struggle with forgiveness towards my ex-husband, who was verbally and emotionally abusive and very controlling during our 19-year marriage. I found it easier to forgive him for the adultery that finally brought an end to our marriage than for the ongoing verbal abuse that dug hurtful roots deep in my heart and soul. One thing that is helping me to continue to try to forgive is realizing that forgiving him doesn't mean that I am saying what he did to me was OK. It just means that I'm willing to drop my judgment of him and leave him to God to judge. The Lord says that vengeance is His, and He will repay, so I constantly remind myself that I do not need to take that on. As feelings pop back up and as old instances of abuse come to mind, I am endeavoring to say - out loud - that I forgive him for that, and then I give it to God. Some days it goes really well, and some days it is a struggle, but I know that God wants me to forgive so that I am not bound by the chains of unforgiveness, so I press on.

I noticed the title of the article is "The Anger Web" but not much discussion about the anger piece. Jumping to forgiveness bypasses some emotions that need to be handled under the cross-and especially anger. Anger is a God given attribute that clearly identified when you have been violated (in its purest sense) obviously some people have "anger" issues-angry over any and every thing. But in general, we get angry when we have been hurt, violated, abused, mistreated, treated with injustice. And so does God. The Bible is very clear that God gets angry over those very sins. Learning how to process the anger-recognizing the violation, and then moving towards forgiveness is the path to freedom. We all do this almost instinctively when the violation is small, someone interrupts you, is rude at the store, etc. But the process is much much bigger when you are talking sexual or physical abuse, emotional abuse, trauma, violations of trust, divorce, etc. I have found it helpful when people are hurting to find out where they are before suggest moving them to forgiveness. They need to know it is okay to be angry and it is okay to let it go and move ahead.

Forgiveness is indeed difficult. I think we hold onto the anger because we are really hurt. I wonder if we were to allow ourselves to "grieve" the offense and acknowledge the anger, if it would be easier to forgive?... We probably need to get the "emotional stuff" out of the way first. We probably need emotional healing from the Lord first. Maybe once we have received His healing from the wound, forgiveness would come naturally?... Maybe after we process our grief (hurt and anger), we can find peace again by "accepting" the fact that this person hurt us, but we can choose to let it go. Maybe we can't "let it go" until the hurt is no longer in our hearts.

Two things:

1. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance (a true change of direction/ heart) from the other person. I do not believe God meant for a person to go back into an abusive situation, just to be abused again. If the other person is truly serious and has changed, that's another thing.

The term "forgiveness" comes from accounting -- it's the wiping off of a debt. You simply don't hold resentment or bitterness. That cleans the slate so that if the other person IS ready to take responsibility for their actions, and change, then a reconciliation is possible.

2. A few years ago I read an interesting book -- I can't remember the author. But he talked about forgiving the other person not just for what they did, but for all the fallout in your life, including some of your subsequent choices because of their behavior. I found this extremely helpful.

For example, if you were raped, and then went on to either have difficulty with sex in marriage, or be promiscuous, you'd forgive the rapist for these consequences as well.

Two great books I'd recommend -- "Forgive and Forget" and "The Art of Forgiving" by Lewis Smedes.

Jesus Christ forgave all of us and set us free; with his strength we can and MUST do the same thing if we claim to be 100% followers of Jesus. Not forgiving has to to with self rightenousness and I know my human rights very well; but they have proven not to be CHRIST like and I want to be like Jesus!

The example of forgiveness is Jesus himself, let's keep following Him!

Forgiveness is a difficult concept. In one place the Bible says, "and if he repents, forgive him." Another place calls for a blanket forgiveness. Why the difference? Jesus forgave those who crucified him because "they know not what they do." That certainly isn't true in many or even most cases. The Lord's prayer says, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Then there are the parables about forgiveness. I will tell you right now that forgiving someone who repents is easy. Forgiving someone who says, "I'm sorry you were hurt," (what I refer to as a manpology) is not so easy. Forgiving someone whose actions have caused you to suffer every day of your life is almost impossible. It's definitely not a one-time thing. And, as opposed to what many people say, forgiveness did not give me the release I had always been told it would. I will always be poor, in debt, alone and afflicted because of what one person did. I have forgiven him over and over, but I am still poor, in debt, alone and afflicted. It was not what I had hoped for. The fact is, we forgive because we are told to forgive, not because of any supposed benefit that comes from forgiving.

Unforgiveness is something I too have been struggling with. Before I gave my life to Christ I was never a forgiving person and as a result I have the simplest disposition and am generally cheerful. So I always demanded that no one hurt me.

I have always wondered if we can forgive even when the person is not repentant after all the bible says "if we confess our sins he just and faithful to forgive". I was always thought that acknowledgement of wrong doing and apology was a prerequisite to forgiveness. I am single mum and my 2 year old plus son's father abandoned him. He refuses to acknowledge him publicly and has seen him only four times since he was born, the last of which was October last year. I was angry that his abandoning the boy would hurt my son emotionally and I believed I could not forgive him for that. I forgave him for the lies he told during our very brief affair and I was angry with him but not heart broken, because we had not gotten to the genuine love stage before I got pregnant. But I forgave him that and learned to forgive myself for falling into the sin of fornication. ABandoning an innocent child who had nothing to do with the mistake of two grown adults is a wicked thing I thought myself incapable of forgiving.

But last week, I recall when Jesus said "father forgive them for they know not what they do" He did not wait for the Jews to confess and and acknowledge before he showed love and compassion to them.

He also says, if your brother has hurt against you, you settle it before bringing your offering to him. This is even a higher demand, because it demand you apologise to even overly sensitive people who can claim hurt at every little thing.

He also commands that we live peacebly with all men.

I also watched Oprah last week were someone said "unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".

I forgave not because of my son's father necessarily deserved it, but because God's in my live makes me a bigger person with a bigger heart to accomodate hurts and move on.

It is Christ's hope that his exemplary life would change the world if we really follow him as we call ourselves Christians. There's is too much hate and unforgiveness in the world, it's the cause of a lot of the violence around us. We can make a difference in our little circles by letting go. That is why I chose to forgive.

Gwen

I too am struggling with forgiving a husband of 32 years who left home to be with someone else. I was completely blindsided---not seeing any of this coming. For a person who you have been with since age 15 to just walk out of your life is very difficult to forgive. I have read every book imaginable on why to forgive, how to forgive, when to forgive, etc.---I have all of that in my head and I understand it---but it is not yet in my heart. It has been 14 months and I struggle daily with anger and bitterness. I have talked to numerous priests (including those who are in healing ministries), have been prayed over, and have a strong bank of friends---but I still can't get beyond the anger. I've been told it's a process. I pray for him every day, but I also let him and anger get into my head every day too. I hope that someday I'll get to be able to forgive him! Right now, I don't see that happening soon, but I'll keep trying it every day!

I've learned that forgiveness is a choice. It's a choice we don't make because we believe it invalidates the hurt we felt when this person did whatever he/she did. It's not that at all. Forgiveness, true forgiveness, says, "What happened, happened. I was hurt. My feelings are real. However, I choose to not make you pay anymore.". That's all it is...choosing not to make someone pay for their offense. Isn't that what Jesus did... Choose not to make us pay for our sins?

Forgiveness can be a difficult and challenging concept, however it is very freeing!

When you hold unforgiveness in your heart, it can lead to bitterness, resentment, anger, and a myriad of other negative emotions. These emotions can be toxic to us and will sometimes do us more harm than good.

When you forgive, you free YOURSELF from bondage. By allowing yourself to let go and give it to God, you set yourself free. We all want to be free and whole. We all want to walk in peace and joy. In order to do that we MUST forgive.

Everyone has suffered hurt, pain, and some form of abuse (whether intentional or otherwise) at the hands of another, but if we hold onto that, we may in turn do to someone else the very thing that victimized us.

Ask God to create in you in a clean heart and to help remove all of the hidden 'stuff' that you have pressed down.

When you forgive, you will feel so much better and in fact you will BE so much better. Forgiveness is a powerful and agressive principle, and when put into practice correctly can heal the wounds of many!

Wholeness can be yours!
toiah@wholesoulsonline.org

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I at this time am experiencing tough times with my exhusband of 2 years and multiple separtions. It was that bad as the State took custody of our youngson as we were divorcing and my exhusband was caught for the 3rd time dring under the influence of drugs and alcohol.I even stood by him through these difficult times. He went to prison for 8 months. I had a lot of time to think. When he got out he started irlfriend,took money from my sons band account illegally, I do not even want to set forth any charges against him becase I dont want to hurt him as much wrong he has done. What hurts me the most Our son is not in our custody and all vistitation rights go to my ex. I refuse to see our son because I have to be supervised and the visit is only one hour a week. He calls me from school. My ex has done the damage but the state seems to think he should get custody even though they knowabout his past history. I have lived with that man for 22 years.

its not so easy to forgive others who have wronged you but I think that when you do forgive a person that it can be a load of your shoulders (and their shoulders too.) Life is to short to be bitter towards anybody. And love is to precious to waste.

I have dealt with the role of forgiving. I learned last November that my sister while being married to her husband, was also involved with the same guy I had been dealing with almost the entire 10 years I was in the relationship. Nothing could compare to the anger, hurt and bitterness I had towards them both. I could not believe that either of them could do this to me. I thought more importantly, how could a sister do this to another sister. She should have known better, we are blood I thought. I wanted to have nothing else to do with her and ran from every situation where I would possibly have to see her. That was easy to do considering we lived in two different states and I could control the dealings I would have with her, so I thought. I continued for months to avoid any contact with her and would express my feelings of anger and hurt anytime anyone would ever talk to me about her or the situation. It's not only that I didn't know how I was going to forgive, I just didn't think she deserved my forgiveness. I was the victim, so I felt. I had done nothing to deserve the unthinkable acts that she had done to me. When my family would have family gatherings my question was "is she going to be there", and if she was that would be the event that I would miss. My family has always been really close so after awhile the division really started to take a toll on us, especially my mother. My mind was made up, my ears were closed and our relationship was over. My sister hurt me and I was going to make sure she never had that opportunity again. I wanted her to realize how bad she hurt me and have her pay for her actions by no longer having that once close friendship/sisters hood we had even though she said that's what she wanted. I thought how could a sister do this to another sister, it was just unforgiveable. It was unfair that she turned what I thought was my world upside down and had a nerve to want to move on. I wanted everyone to treat her just as I was seperating themselves and not dealing with her. Of course this didn't happen so I became angry with others. Two months ago my family and I went on vacation which was in the same state where she lives. I had for-warned my family that I would not be having any dealings with her and I would go else- where if she was involved in anything they did. Needless to say, she did come around and I left. What should have been my vacation was seeming to be imprisonment, I couldn't wait until it was over. I was angry and I made sure everyone knew it. When returning home I felt horrible, stessed and fed up. I then realized that I didn't want to continue living my life in the state that I was. I was harboring feelings which didn't seem to matter to my sister or family and it kept me upset. Enough was enough! I decided to just try and see what God could do in a situation that I felt was impossible to change. I was led to fast and pray believing God to heal my broken heart and allow me to forgive my sister. God was faithful, it seemed as if a heavy weight was lifted. I was then led to contact my sister and tell her that I forgave her and loved her despite what she had done to me which also lightened her load. What God made so clear to me is "who am I" not to forgive her when I myself need forgiveness for things I've done whether great or small. I realized that there was nothing that I could do to change the past but I could control my future. Holding on to my feelings just hindered me from allowing God to have full control of my life, the situation and the good that would come out of this horrible situation. I asked God to fix my heart, change my way of thinking of being a victim and make me a VICTOR. I prayed that God open my heart again to love my sister and forgive. We are starting to rebuild what seemed to be a relationship forever destroyed. There are still times where I think about the hurtful things that were said and done. That's when I pray and ask God to help me and forgive again. I pray and ask God to forgive and have mercy on her because even though we can bring things on ourselves there is still a price to pay. Sin is ugly and the consequences can be just as bad. My life has been enriched that much more by trusting God and opening my heart to forgive. This has brought me to a place where I am much closer to God depending on Him. I see the trial that I've endured and feel more strengthened and know there is nothing impossible for God. I rest assured that my blessings are on the way through my obedience to God to forgive and love. I know it was the power of God that turned this horrible situation around. God is faithful to those who deligently seek and trust Him! Just let go and let God no matter how impossible your situation may seem. I know ALL things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. God has the answer to every problem and situation we face and He wants to work it out if we allow Him!

Be encouraged and blessed!

Forgiveness is a gift of the Holy Spirit.On our own human might,strength,wisdom etc,it is not easy to forgive a wrong done to us.

I have been hurt so badly by relatives,colleagues,friends.Did it hurt so much?Of course yes.But being able to let got of the hurt was through the grace of God .This grace is ever sufficient to deal with unforgiveness.

But the crucial point is to lay that pain ,anger,and betrayal at the cross of calvary and ask Our Lord Jesus to carry the heavy burden,He is ever faithful to do so.
It is important to just lay it there and let go and try (of course with prayers) to hands off the load .Don't carry it with our Lord.

God is so so faithful.Everything works for the good of those who trust Him.

May God bless us all .