Thank you for your word of encouragement>a few days before my brother died i heard that he has TB.I feel guilty for not saying goodbye to him properly cos i was to scared that I was going to pick up the germ. So all i did was say "Michael i cannot kiss you cos I can get sick as well" that was my final goodbye to him. I now feel that I could have kissed him on his forehead and not on his mouth./but i know God forgives all our sins and after reading your story I realise I need to let go of my guilt

I LOVE it when God invites me to be a part of HIS plan in the lives of others! One particular case was unusually odd. I was awakened from sleep at about 3 am with a phone number in my mind. It was a local number, but not a number I recognized! Unable to get it out of my head, I realized God may be prompting me to pray for whoever it belonged to, so I did!

Afterward, sleep came easily. The next morning I called a friend who had a cross-referenced city directory and asked her to look up that number.

After a bit more investigation, I learned it belonged to a young lady who, just a few weeks away from her wedding day, had her wisdom teeth pulled and was suffering terribly with dry sockets. She had missed work, had no sick leave, was afraid she'd have to miss her own shower, and was totally miserable. Her mother told me that the night I was awakened was perhaps one of her worst nights, and the only thing that brought her any comfort was that her husband-to-be had been at her side, reading to her from the Bible.

Later, the mother told her daughter of the strange prompting I had had to pray for someone I didn't even know! I received the most precious email from her, later, saying my obedience had helped her to realize just HOW MUCH God really loved her! We were both blessed beyond measure!

What a thrill to have a part in such a miraculous act of such a loving God!

Jane, a couple of years ago my friend's husband chose to end his life. He had been depressed and suicidal for a while. Dozens of people were praying for him and with him. He was under medical care and had two pastors who were reaching out to him and ministering to him the best they could. He was undeniably loved. He was getting the best medical care available. And he still did it.

I don't know if you could have said or done anything to dissuade your neighbor from chosing death.

Following through on those nudges from God will only keep us from wondering "what if I would have..."

Thanks for the reminder. I have to run, I have a neighbor who has made several attempts to befriend me. I think God is nudging me to go say Hi.

My story is from the other side, I could be speedo guy's wife. While I may not be comtemplating suicide I had been in despair b/c my marriage is in a turmoil. I am reluctant to open up to others b/c they have let me down in the past, but God moved me share with my fellow Sunday school teacher. She sent me an email a few days later full of God's hope and a reminder that there are people who care; this has bolstered me for the trials to come.

My throat has a giant lump in it, remembering a very similar situation in my own life. I was in my early 30's, had three kids in elementary school, divorced and trying to balance going back to college with raising kids and dating. A much younger gal was in some of my classes, and she suggested several times that we get her child and my youngest together for a play date. She had her child while a young teen, and was raising him with her parents' help. She was a straight A student, and while I liked her, I did not think I had the time....
It was the day of our final exam. She didn't show up. I was on the last page of my exam and she burst in the door, and stood there bawling; she had lost consiousness while driving to class and wrecked her car. The prof said it was okay, that she could take her test Monday.
Oh, how I am crying as I write this. A week later I was at the kindergarten graduation of our kids. And the principal asked for a moment of silence...as the gal had died, and her child stood up there on stage next to my child... never to see his mother again. I staggered to walk behind the school and I bawled and bawled....
She had had a form of cancer twice before and gone into remission both times..... after the wreck she went for testing... and died during the test. I found out later, she totally had aced her final exam in our course...
My heart hurts and I am so ashamed, that I did not stop and take the time....

A similar situation like that happened with a good friend of mine. We belonged to different denominations of belief and would talk about the differences sometimes. I always respected the way that she believed and how she worshipped but there was one day when we were having a play date with our kids that she said...."There is just a glow about you when you talk about God".......and I wish that I would have taken that opportunity or hint to share the plan of salvation with her.

One of those times for me was when I was in college and just learning to hear what God sounded like. I had just gotten off work at 3am on a summer night. The sky was ablaze with stars. I drove out of the reach of the street lights and parked in the dark. I leaned my head out the window and stared at the majesty of the stars. Ps. 19:1, a verse I'd learned as a child in Sunday School, came to mind. "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Just then, an incessant thought came to mind: I had to write a letter to my Sunday School teacher telling her how much I appreciated her teaching me the Word. I wrote to her that night. Her reply was swift. "I was discouraged that I wasn't making a difference and wondered if I should stop teaching SS. Your letter made me cry and encouraged me to keep going."

I, too, have felt the nudgings of God. This past winter, I learned that the only child of one of my dearest friends had been diagnosed with cancer. Immediately, I wanted to help! But what could I do, aside from pray and listen to her when she needed my ear. I wanted to do more, and felt that I could help organize some fundraisers on their behalf. With their permission, I began on the road I'd never before traveled, knowing that if I put my trust in God and did this for their well-being and His glory, all would turn out fine. I drew up fliers for a benefit garage sale & bake sale, and secured a location. I made our local radio stations aware, and sent e-mails to *everyone's* address I could get my hands on! When it came time to write a letter to our local paper for printing, I crashed into a brick wall of writer's block. I'd never had a problem with words before, so this was confusing to me. Then I began thinking of the wife of a previous co-worker. She and I had met a few times, and they were a wonderful, God loving couple, but why would I keep thinking of *her*? I had even had dreams that I'd called her. Finally, I acknowledged that God wanted me to contact her. I copied a flier, and wrote a brief background on the back of it, explaining what I needed. I shared that I felt God wanted me to contact her, but I would understand if she wasn't able to help. After all, she didn't even know the young girl for whom the fundraisers would be! That evening, she called me as soon as she'd had time to read my note. Absolutely! She would be more than happy to help! She told me she'd work on something, and then meet me for coffee the next day ~ and that she was glad I listened to God. If I had chosen not to heed his nudge, she reminded me, *she* also would have missed out on a blessing! At our meeting, she encouraged me to try several other fundraising endeavors, and gave me names of many people who were more than happy to help. In the end, our fundraisers were able to raise over $6000~ much more than I had anticipated! Although it's just a drop in the bucket compared to what their medical bills might amount to, I know it helps to bring a little relief. Not only to the family, but also to those who were able to help ~ those who may have also missed out on their blessings if I had not heeded the nudgings of my Lord!

I'm having a difficult time with my daughter-in-law and an e-mail she sent. I've been there for them (taking care of my grandson while grandson#2 was born). Yesterday she sent out a mass mailing that there be no visitors until Monday. We are leaving for vacation which means I won't see my grandchildren for 2 weeks. I guess I just need to respect their wishes. I just don't feel it was right to be included in this mass mailing and to be treated like one of her friends from work! I continue to make meals and send them over, but I have my son pick them up at our house. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Any suggestions?

For me too, it was a summer, 1997 to be exact. I was in New York City with my husband and mother-in-law. We were visiting her and the city. She lived at the time outside the city near West Point and we took the train into the city to spend the day sightseeing and later would meet my brother-in-law and sister-in-law for dinner.

New York is a busy, busy place filled with all kinds of people in all shapes and sizes and colors. It has all kinds of shops and smells some good and some not so good!

We were at a crosswalk waiting to go across and there was a guy in a wheelchair off to the side not crossing like the rest of us. He had both legs amputated above the knees. He was dirty and unkept and my heart just ached to look at him and I was frozen in time for that moment as my thoughts were on him.

I heard God prompt me to go to him and take his hand and tell him Jesus loves him. Like I said I was frozen where I was. I heard God and I had every intention of doing it as I am not a shy person. I was thinking he would think I was nuts but hey there are lots of nuts in New York City! At the very moment in time I was going to him to take his hand I heard my husband calling my name to come on and hurry up. I was behind and there was a lot of people there waiting and he was pushing to get to me concerned about where I was and what was happening. So in order not to bring further concern to him I took my eyes off the man in the wheelchair and took my husbands hand to be whisked off looking back knowing I would forever regret that decision to not tell that man that Jesus loved him.

I still cry over that man today. I pray for him every time I think of this story and I can't tell you how many times that because of this when God prompts me I now move and I move quickly. I don't care if people think I am crazy, it goes along with my personality anyway! I would rather look stupid or crazy than to live with the regret and grieve the Holy Spirit!! Thank goodness this only took one time for me to get this lesson and I only had to go around this particular mountain once! Trust me and you know this as well, once was enough for me!

I know God loves me in spite of it and I know that my prayers brought someone else to do what I did not do and maybe my lesson in this was just that, to learn to move when my Father says MOVE and not to question Him, just do what He says! Life is so much easier that way isn't it!! Blessings!!

Yes, lets pray together that we won't miss what God has in store for us by those nugdes He gives us. I will pray with you on that one.

It's so sad, what you shared. Thanks for sharing.

i can't say that i am always good at following that "nudge." i can safely say i am seldom good at it! especiallywhen that nudge is to physically visit them and especially now that life is keeping me busy with children and the 101 things that accompany them. however i can say that so many times, when a friend with whom i haven't spoken in a while comes to mind, i often find out later that they were going through a difficult struggle at just the moment that God brought them to my mind. it's been a lesson to me to PRAY when that person's name or face is placed upon my heart. i think so many times God prompts us to pray not only for the immediate benefit of the prayer itself but also to strengthen our faith when the prayer is answered and also to strengthen the faith of our friend when we tell them that God was aware of their struggle and was calling on us and others to pray. one practice i now try to make is to give that person and quick call or email and let them know that i have been thinking and praying for them and ask them if there is something specific about which i can pray alongside or for them. it opens up wonderful opportunities to listen, bond and share their burden in Christ.

Jane,
While my husband & I served as missionaries in Mexico City, I had a similar experience. An obese, angry neighbor man would sit in his upstairs window and glare at everyone who passed by, including me & my family. I knew he was ill, because his maid, whom I had befriended told me. The Lord was prompting me to share Christ with him. I, too, put it off and put it off. One day his maid came to tell me he had died. I felt horrible and that God would hold me accountable. Well, I have grown in my understanding of His grace since then, but hopefully, I also learned a valuable lesson. There is no time like the present to befriend someone and share Jesus with them. We never know if we will have a tomorrow to do it. Thanks for reminding me!

We have recently moved and I cannot tell you how lonely I have been at times and Jesus was my friend. But sometimes we women just need another woman to connect with. So if you ever feel God speaking act on it because you never know how much it will mean to the person, plus you won't live with the guilt!

After a pastor's wife I knew only through an e-mail list died, I sent a condolence note to the family including my e-mail address. For a week after receiving my card, the husband / pastor e-mailed me and wrote about how much he missed his wife. I began to feel that his notes to me were inappropriate, told him to not write me any more, and to find a man with whom he could share his grief.

A few years later I decided to see how he was doing. I searched for his church and found that he was no longer the pastor. Searching the internet further, I found that he had died two weeks after his wife died. Eventually I connected with someone that had known him and found out that he committed suicide.

I may have been one of the few people he opened his heart to after his wife died, and I told him to find someone else to talk to, I closed my door to him. I rejected him.

Today I wonder if I should have been bold enough to contact someone above him in his particular denomination and told them what was going on with him. Perhaps they could have helped him through his sorrow. I know that if this happens again, I won't just shut the door without making sure there is another door open to that person.

I appreciate you sharing your story, human connection does have the potential to make a positive impact on someone struggling with giving up on their life. However, I would like to make a couple of comments. First, it is natural for survivor's of a completed suicide (those left alive) to replay key interactions, communications or the lack of some kind of response on their part and becasue of their need to make sense out of the senseless, deduce they could or might have changed the course of history - if only I had done or not done something it never would, or probably wouldn't, have happened. This is not reality, it is simply survivor's guilt. It is so common that after one suicide, a counselor may see many people all believing that their one act or ommission was a key preciptiating factor in the suicide or could have been pivitol in preventing the suicide. It is also not uncommon for people who were especially close to the victim to eventually take their own life because this sense of guilt has become too unbearable to live with. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There is no choice , no shame, no blame, and no responsibility pointing towards some level of guilt in suicide.

Suicide is merely the result of a person whose coping skills have become overwhelmed. This involves many complex interactions between their psychological, social, and biological self, usually over time. They become so hopeless and helpless until they are convinced what they are struggling with cannot or will not change and there is no one out there who will or can change the situation. Suicide is not a choice, it is a response blinded by psychological pain.

Not contacting the victim as you had promised to do, had absolutely nothing to do with what led up to the event. Your failure to follow through on your comment was NOT a sin of ommission. It may have been that if you had reached out to her more, she may have isolated more, which may have triggered equally daunting fear leading her to committed suicide. Either way, you cannot tell. And, for every time a person says, if only I had done such and such, there are a million examples of when someone "did" do such and such and the victim still committed suicide. For example, a brother gets in a fight with his brother, one takes his life. The one left behind says to himself, if only I had not fought with my brother he would be alive still. The falicy is that there are many brothers who fight chronically and neither ever even think about taking their life. Fighting does not "cause" or "lead to' suicides and neither does failing to keep your word and visit a neighbor.

Depression changes the way a person is able to respond to challenges in their life.

The best advice you can give your readers is to learn the signs, and how to ask the question about thinking about self-harm, then be ready with referrals for professional help. Christians need to learn gate keeper skills just as much as everyone else. Good study programs such as QPR, SOS, etc. can be taught in churches. Christian's involved in media need to get ahold of the National Guidelines on handling the topic of suicide in the media and religious leaders need to read and understand the national guidelines for religious leaders. Please use this story to encourage becoming more aware of this issue among Christians and churches. Please do not equate either survivor's guilt, or the act of suicide itself as sin.

I appreciate you sharing your story, human connection does have the potential to make a positive impact on someone struggling with giving up on their life. However, I would like to make a couple of comments. First, it is natural for survivor's of a completed suicide (those left alive) to replay key interactions, communications or the lack of some kind of response on their part and becasue of their need to make sense out of the senseless, deduce they could or might have changed the course of history - if only I had done or not done something it never would, or probably wouldn't, have happened. This is not reality, it is simply survivor's guilt. It is so common that after one suicide, a counselor may see many people all believing that their one act or ommission was a key preciptiating factor in the suicide or could have been pivitol in preventing the suicide. It is also not uncommon for people who were especially close to the victim to eventually take their own life because this sense of guilt has become too unbearable to live with. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There is no choice , no shame, no blame, and no responsibility pointing towards some level of guilt in suicide.

Suicide is merely the result of a person whose coping skills have become overwhelmed. This involves many complex interactions between their psychological, social, and biological self, usually over time. They become so hopeless and helpless until they are convinced what they are struggling with cannot or will not change and there is no one out there who will or can change the situation. Suicide is not a choice, it is a response blinded by psychological pain.

Not contacting the victim as you had promised to do, had absolutely nothing to do with what led up to the event. Your failure to follow through on your comment was NOT a sin of ommission. It may have been that if you had reached out to her more, she may have isolated more, which may have triggered equally daunting fear leading her to committed suicide. Either way, you cannot tell. And, for every time a person says, if only I had done such and such, there are a million examples of when someone "did" do such and such and the victim still committed suicide. For example, a brother gets in a fight with his brother, one takes his life. The one left behind says to himself, if only I had not fought with my brother he would be alive still. The falicy is that there are many brothers who fight chronically and neither ever even think about taking their life. Fighting does not "cause" or "lead to' suicides and neither does failing to keep your word and visit a neighbor.

Depression changes the way a person is able to respond to challenges in their life.

The best advice you can give your readers is to learn the signs, and how to ask the question about thinking about self-harm, then be ready with referrals for professional help. Christians need to learn gate keeper skills just as much as everyone else. Good study programs such as QPR, SOS, etc. can be taught in churches. Christian's involved in media need to get ahold of the National Guidelines on handling the topic of suicide in the media and religious leaders need to read and understand the national guidelines for religious leaders. Please use this story to encourage becoming more aware of this issue among Christians and churches. Please do not equate either survivor's guilt, or the act of suicide itself as sin.

Thank you for the article. There was an instance, riding home from work, the Lord brought in the form of an open vision a lady who was at the time a member of our Church and who was a Christian. The thought that came to my mind while I saw her, was to visit and pray with her. I was anxious to get home that day, reasoning in my mind that I will go the next day to see her. Just a few days passed, and I had gotton busier and was unable to reach her; but then as those days went by, the lady died. I really felt bad, and was sorry about it. Very soon after that, as I was having my prayer time with the Lord, (I had no one in mind while praying), He gave me the vision the same way He had shown me before, but this time, He said to me (at that moment I was singing to the Lord, "Take my life, and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee") "Yeah, you are singing the song", and you did not go to visit that lady that day". I felt ashamed, and asked the Lord to forgive me.

Hi. I, too, had a similar situation occur and it bothers me to this day. In my situation it was a co-worker that had tacked on "what is the meaning of life" to an e-mail regarding a business matter. Though my head swarmed with responses I had as many reasons not to contact him to answer his question as I did to answer. He was joking, it wasn't meant for me (the e-mail was to another co-worker as well) yadda, yadda, yadda. A couple of weeks later he did not show up for work and was discovered later that day by his father, at home, having overdosed on medications. I also try to remind myself to listen to those promptings and my heart still teems with responses to his question.

Jane,
You learned a hard lesson that can't be changed. It would be nice if we could undo all our mistakes, but the only thing we can do is teach others not to make the same mistakes. And by writing this editorial, you are teaching others that this is reality. We are here for each other, and it is our first and foremost job to support one another. But especially in these times, we live isolated lives with jobs that pay money coming before the jobs that God gives us.
I was suicidal for a long time in my life. A suicidal person does not have the frame of mind to know how to help themselves, so it is critical that they reach out to others. All I could memorize at the time was "pick up the phone". No one knew how hard that was to actually reach out to someone and call them. If they were too busy, I took it as a personal rejection, and it was even harder to pick up the phone next time, if not impossible. But I had good support, and over and over it was pounded into my head to "pick up the phone" by friends, family and therapists. I didn't know what to say, but the important thing was to simply connect with a human being's voice.
If anyone calls or reaches out to you, take the time. NOTHING is more important than giving someone who feels depressed time. NOTHING. They don't care what your house looks like or what you are wearing. They won't even see it.
I didn't want to die, I wanted to live. But I didn't know how I could. If I had wanted to die, I would not have reached out. A person that wants to live reaches out in any small way they are able to. They can't get past the darkness in themselves. You might save a life and never realize it.

I too wonder if I could have prevented a suicide. Kristy, I had taken to church on Wed nights for years, but when she got to be a teenager, I heard she was going to her grandmother's church, and lose contact. Her brother I heard a few year later died of alcohol poisoning. I got in contact with her Mom, and we e-mailed almost daily after I moved out of state. I talked to her about Kristy and her other brother. I always wanted to call her and did e-mail ocassionally. Then when I was back near Kristy, busy caring for my dying mother-in-law, I later heard she had commited suicide. So many times I wished I had called her, I knew she was having problems with her boyfriend, but I guess I didn't want to bother her. I hope others can learn from our experiences.

I too wonder if I could have prevented a suicide. Kristy, I had taken to church on Wed nights for years, but when she got to be a teenager, I heard she was going to her grandmother's church, and lose contact. Her brother I heard a few year later died of alcohol poisoning. I got in contact with her Mom, and we e-mailed almost daily after I moved out of state. I talked to her about Kristy and her other brother. I always wanted to call her and did e-mail ocassionally. Then when I was back near Kristy, busy caring for my dying mother-in-law, I later heard she had commited suicide. So many times I wished I had called her, I knew she was having problems with her boyfriend, but I guess I didn't want to bother her. I hope others can learn from our experiences.

I was having a difficult time with frustration and confusion over my singleness when a card arrived in the mail. (There is nothing like seeing a hand-addressed envelope among all the bills and ads!) It was from a woman in my small group. She just wanted me to know she knew I was hurting and was praying for me. She shared some of her similar struggles and some uplifting things I should focus on instead of what I didn't have. Her young daughter included a bracelet she had made for me which included letters spelling out their sweet nickname for me. God showed His love through two of his precious princesses that day. I pray that I'll always listen when He wants to use me.

To err is human,to forgive is divine. Boy, don't we all mess up when it comes to obeying. I have experienced this many times. Times when I have obeyed and have been blesses, and times when I have not listened, and feel the guilt. This was an excellent article. It certainly will make me think and try to be more obedient.

I had a best friend when I was growing up. We knew eachother since I was three months old and she was born. Her grandmother was my babysitter. As we grew older, we grew apart. Mostly because went to different schools. We both had daughters right out of highschool. She would call me to talk and I was always gone or busy. She passed away when she was 20. I always thought I had time to go back and make up for missed time. I don't think Anita ever knew exactly what she meant to me. And I don't even think I knew until after I lost her. It makes me take inventory of my blessings when I think of how I could said something or did something different the last time I saw her. It's true that trials are God's developmental process for us. The lesson in her death was actually discovering what a true friend is. It's been 9 years since Nita went home and I have to say I am a better friend now and that I now listen to those nudges instead of putting things off.

Once I was speaking to a group of women and I felt unexplicably drawn to share the story of the darkest hours of my own life. To be honest, it seemed innapropriate at the moment, but I felt that it was God's Spirit nudging me. So I shared and afterward one of the women came up to me and was struggling with some of the same dark stuff. That moment of sharing at God's prompting influenced her to begin a path of healing and she is now emotionally healthy and serving God. Praise be to God for the ways that He chooses to use us!

I am spiritually sick. Remember me in prayers

Leticia

Many times we take things for granted.
Let's all take time and talk to a person that is lonely and needs a friends. You might the person they need to talk to
to prevent any mishaps in their lives.

lv

Many times we take things for granted.
Let's all take time and talk to a person that is lonely and needs a friends. You might be the person they need to talk to
to prevent any mishaps in their lives.

lv

Many times we take things for granted.
Let's all take time and talk to a person that is lonely and needs a friends. You might be the person they need to talk to
to prevent any mishaps in their lives.

lv

Hi Jane,

Like you, I felt prompted a number of times to contact a woman I met one day when it was pouring rain. I was watching the rain with my baby daughter from our verandah and I saw this woman pushing a pram up the street with a toddler in it. I yelled for her to come over, and when she did I gave her a towel and dry clothes for her and her daughter, but I didn't talk about my faith to her. We exchanged phone numbers and my husband drove them home. She dropped in one day to thank me and return my clothes, but still no word from me as to why I did it. She made me feel a bit uncomfortable as she was questioning things I was doing with my daughter, and as a new mother I didn't have the confidence to stand by my decisions. Her daughter raced through our house and I was worried she was going to break something (our house wasn't yet child-proof). As she left I casually (and half-heartedly) invited her to "drop in sometime", which she never did. I kept getting prompted by God to contact her, but excuses, excuses, and I never did. I ran into her one day at the shopping centre and we chatted briefly. That made me feel a little better, but I also feel guilty that I didn't act on God's prompting. I feel it's too late now to act (it was over 12 months ago that I saw her) and your story just reminded me that even when I feel foolish and inadequate I cannot know the reason God has put that person across my path. Thank you for sharing and for encouraging me to be more obedient in future.

I have also had nudges that I call "inward impressions" from God to do something or visit someone. Sometimes I have followed them and sometimes not. A few times when I did not, I was sorry for that person died or moved away without my speaking to them. I have tried to learn from each experience though sometimes the lessons have gone unheeded. Thanks for the reminder.

YES! I had the same epiphany when a good friend took his own life with a firearm. Had I told him about God? He knew we went to church, but I had never invited him! What could I have done differently?
The truth is that he was ill and there was nothing I could have done to stop him - yet the experience served as a lesson to me to not waste the opportunity to speak and the little "nudgings" from God.
Great post!

I had just come into a season of God taking me through the process of change, such as a hardships so I can learn what to do and not to do and to get closer to him, and understanding about repentance and and asking for forgiveness and learning about Jesus and the Holy Spirit. As I wasgoing through this process I get getting promptings to helpmy sister with different things she was learning but more with an educational stance along with a spiritualstance. At times I didn't want to help her but at the time I was reminded that I was being helped with different teachings anout myself. It also taught me to reach out and helpothers not to be selfish but more selfless and don't deny anyone fro gainign experience when you can pass along information. God is about sharing love, joy, peace and happiness.
Open up and let others in this is what God means we are all his children, sisters being sisters even is we are not related by name, but sharing time together.

May we deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow HIM! God may we yield to your spirit in all that we do. Continue to be encouraged and strengthen in HIM!

Maybe my comment isn't exactly what you're looking for but I hope you accept it. I might've been Speedo Guy's wife. When my son died I felt isolated. Oh, the funeral, the event, was well attended. It was in my hometown. But at that time I had moved away and was living somewhere else. Still, there were family members there, and people who knew of my great loss. No one reached out to me. I sat at home alone weekend after weekend. I was suicidal. Several times I was so close to taking my life. I was not fun to be around. I was hurt and unpleasant. My family avoided me. Could they have made a difference? Now that I have healed, all these years later, I can tell you that they could have. By simply showing up, inviting me over for dinner, the process would have been so different. God spared me from death at my own hand. Perhaps so I could tell you that a cup of coffee at your house might have been like the balm from Gilhead that can heal the soul. Please, don't ever hold back again.

I think we have to keep in mind that we may help someone in need but they might not respond.

There was a lady that lived across the street from me and she was dying from cancer. We had not ever been very close, just on speaking terms. She did knit caps for my children one year! I never went to see her or call her when she was in hospice and I never walked over to her house and told her sons how sorry I was while they were getting ready to sell her house. I will always regret that and now I really pay attention to nudges from the Lord, to call or write someone.

I had a backsliden christian as one of my housemates. I wanted to invite her to church with me which I thought would help her to get back to faith. I always procrustinated it feeling uncomfortable to do so. Finally when I invited her she could not come as she had come from long, tiring week in NZ and was due to leave for her homecountry that night. She was thankful for the invitation though but I felt guilty thinking I had wasted long time not inviting her given the fact that she was willing to come. I prayed that God would give me courage to grab the opportunities that he gives me to serve Him and not to think of the consequences but leave it to Him.

I have had many experiences where the Lord has urged me to do something. Sometimes I did and other times I said later or maybe that wasn't the Lord after all.
One time in paticular there was a girl that worked at a dry cleaners that we went to. I felt something in the spirit every time I was around her. One time in church I was worshiping and saw her face. I was a new christian at this time, so I wasn't sure what this was all about.
One day the Lord told me the bless her with a certain amount of money and to tell her that it was from him and that he loved her very much. I thought I can't do this, but the promptings got stronger and after all I was obedient. (smile)
I went into the cleaners and looked around and she wasn't there, so I thought this was all in my head. I paid for my cleaning and was ready to leave, when she ran in and told the manager that she was sorry she was late. I was shocked to see her. I then asked if I could talk to her. She came outside and I gave her the gift and told her of the Lords love for her, she just hugged me and said, "Thank you so much." I don't know what happened, because soon I quit using that cleaners and she had quit working there, but one thing is for sure, God knows what happened. I try to be obedient, but I to must admit sometimes it seems like there isn't enough time in a day for what we feel God is prompting us to do. The Lord told me not long ago, "Don't set me aside for time, set time aside for me and I'll make plenty of time for YOU."

Blessings to everyone

Thank-you, Jane, for sharing your insights re your neighbour. Those nudges we get from God to step out of our comfort zones are amazingly persistant, and they never go entirely away, unless we listen to them and act. I have a neighbour for whom I receive many nudges to step out and interact with. She is in my small group and I worry about her because I believe she suffers from depression. I can tell when things are not going well, by the state of her personal hygiene and her demeanor, although she would never complain of anything or let me, or anyone else know. The odd thing is that when we help her out, as money is also an issue, there is an odd sense of entitlement. What I am coming to understand, though, is that God isn't telling me to be the judge of her; He is really telling me to be active, empathic and show compassion to her in her life. This is a huge challenge for me and I am often spiritually tormented because I fall short. God never lets me off the hook.

Dear Jane, The best regards from city Ohrid-Macedonia. If you ever come in our city, please contact me.
All the best

With all due respect, have you ever read Matthew 25?

As someone who struggles with depression, I cannot get past the simple action that God was nudging you toward. While it is true that God does forgive all sins, I think reducing the life of "Speedo's Guy's Wife" (who you don't even refer to by a name) to a nice lesson for you is pretty insensitive and frankly unloving.

If you look at any material for depression, you'll know that connection is probably one of the most important things that a person can do for someone who is depressed and considering suicide. To pass off your missed opportunity as insignificant ("chances were good nothing I could’ve said or done would've changed the course this individual chose for herself") is ignorant at best. Chances are better that your little gesture of coffee would have made a lot of difference, if she was feeling alone and out of desperation came to you just to have someone to talk that afternoon weeks before. If she was severely depressed (as being suicidal would suggest), that move towards you would have been extremely difficult for her in the first place. Your not knowing isn't an excuse, because you didn't need to know her personal situation. You just needed to be faithful to what God revealed to you...and he revealed enough to you in that persistent nudge that you repeatedly chose to ignore.

I don't know what the review procedures are for commenting, and my guess is that this will be deleted, but that's okay. In order for it to be removed, it has to be read and that is really the only reason why I thought to comment on my reaction to this really self-centered reflection on a poor woman who took her life and the "life lesson" that it inspired for the writer.

This may not the "nice" comment that you're looking for, but at least it's honest; and I think our Christian communities could use a little more of the truth and a lot less sugar-coating as though we can't handle real life.

I just hope you'll consider what I've written. Thanks.

I just wanted to make a comment on the story "Excuses Excuses" God is continuing telling me to reach out and touch, minister, encourage someone. Many times I do but there are times when I'm feeling a little down and I procrastinate. Now when I get that down feeling I think about someone else and my blues goes away. Is'nt it funny that when we do what God says we feel better than the person we help...

Be Blessed
V. Benton

Thank you for your article. I am a committed Christian from the West Coast & moved to WI 5 years ago w/ my husband. I can relate to the man's wife to some extent. It is monumentally hard to make friends - in this case -in the small towns here in WI!! The people are so focused on each other and how much alike they are and many see new people as "outsiders" and rarely extend the hand of friendship to such outsiders, like me for instance. I cannot seem to find any down-to-earth friends here, and I've tried! But I am not suicidal at all as the other woman was, just isolated and lonely. What makes the whole situation stickier is that I am "non-white", which adds to the rejection here in rural WI. I've heard comments about my ethnicity here that is hateful and ignorant and sometimes I get very angry within myself at such people; many of these persons are "born-again" Christians. In fact, the worst of them are actually "Christians" believe it or not! One woman at a church promised me TWICE to get together w/ her (she initiated) at Starbucks and said SHE would call me back for more details but never did. I have been criticized by another "Christian" woman here who scolded me for not working! I know for a fact that she has gossiped about me re. that. Heck, if I could find a job in these small towns I would work for goodness sake! It's none of her business anyway. Because many here can be so hateful or have such critical attitudes, I've given up and I am anxious to move back to CA. We are currently looking for jobs there (I want to move more than Hubby) and hope to eventually find a house that's affordable. I have to say that WI folks are a tough crowd, and I guess I am not "friend material" to them but I don't care that much anymore; I just want out. And yes, I have prayed for this and I do know God is somehow working behind the scenes; I just want to connect to people who actually demonstrate LOVE. LET'S FACE IT: "Your Christianity is only as good as how well you treat the people you LEAST like!" -God bless....

Thank-you Jane, your article was a little nudge to me. I, too, am often 'nudged' by God to do things to make contact with others, (usually those who don't know God). Often I act on them, but there are those times that I 'talk' myself out of it, for various (probably selfish) reasons. True, God does forgive us, and I'm so thankful for that, but how much better not to have to seek that forgiveness.
God bless you as you continue to listen to the 'nudges'.
Liz.

this aticle realy blessed mi i thank you for this word may God richley bless you

It's been 17 years but the memory is still very fresh.

My dad had just had an operation and was in the hospital. I was to see him on a Friday evening after work, but I was just too tired to do so.

So, I decided to see him on Sunday afternoon, but was rudely shocked when I met an empty bed at the Hospital on Sunday. My dad had died in the early hours of Sunday.

I have lived with the guilty all these years because I feel my dad would have lived if I had gone to see him.

Please pray with me as still I feel realy sad each time I remember my dad.

Irene

Over 10 years ago, as a medical student some patients were brought in having suffered burns from a road traffic accident. While being attended to in the emergency, I had this prompting to tell one of them about Jesus. I decided I'll do it later (he was the least injured of all). For some reason I couldn't see him for some days but had not forgotten him. You can't imagine my shock when I had he died 2-3 days later. I wept & ask God for forgiveness.
I hoped God was able to send someone else to talk to him about Christ before he died.
I still feel guilty whenever I remember him.

I asked Jesus into my heart the Spring of 2000, and it was Awesome!( I remember in my 20's thinking, what's gonna happen in the year 2000!!!) But it was in the fall that God used me in a boy's life that I am so blessed by. My daughter was 14 years old and a boy came to the door one nite. he said his name was Zachary and could he please talk to Amanda. I was not happy at his presence, it was late, I didn't like boys around my daughter, and I at that time did not like teenagers(at all).So out she went to sit on the front step with him. then she asked to go to the swing set in the yard, I said ok for a few minutes.I brought out hot chocolate for them, Zachary seemed very shocked that I brought one for him.Amanda then came in the house crying saying Zachary came to her to ask for a knife to kill himself.I was scared but knew I had to go. I drove down the road and he ran into the woods. I was yelling out my car window his name to come out of the woods PLEASE I told him I was scared of the this dark road we were on and could he please come out, HE DID. I remember thinking what was I going to say, I was so new as a Christian and so full of God's Love but what was I going to say that would matter. I held his hand out my window of my car and told him God loved him what felt like was a 100 times, I told him God created him and what a gift he was, that it would be God's time when his life here was over, and that God Loved him about 100 times.The police came on that dark road and as they were going to take him away I said to Zachary I will ride with you to the police station and he took my hand out the police car window and said I'm going to be OK now.(What I found out later from my daughter is that Zachary lived and had walked from the next town over to see her that nite) Zachary is now 22 years old, he is married and has a baby girl. My daugter tells me he when he asks about me and it always brings a tear to my eye, I thank God so much for me being there for Zachary on that cold dark nite. God Bless Zachary and his family!

As a little girl my mother had cancer & I helped take care for her. One day I went outside to play rather than help her. It pearced my heart when she lovingly said, she missed me. I never chose to play outside after then. She died probably 6 months after that day. It was not until after I grew up and became a mother when I finally forgave myself for that day. I realized she knew I was little and I knew that her statement was said in with love. God healed the huge pain in my heart and opened my eyes.

I can remember when I kept hearing the Lord's prompting to go and sit with my father and just read scriptures to him. My father had been in and out of the hospital several times in the past year, and had suffered many problems, including a broken hip. Yet and still he was a survivor.

I had finally decided to obey the prompting in my spirit and went to see him. When I arrived at his dialysis center, he was not there. I told myself that I would return later and never did... Two days later my father passed.

It was an awful feeling of guilt and shame that engrossed me for months after his death. It was not until I got on my knees and begged God's forgiveness and poured my heart and soul out to him that I was finally able to release the pain. The precious Lord had literally lifted the burden off my shoulders.

After that day, I was free from guilt and shame, and my grief was finally bearable. It was definitely a lesson learned for me. When I feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit to just call or pray for someone, I do it! I learned the hard way that when GOD speaks, I need to listen and obey!

Thank you,
Toiah Gordon

Wholeness can be yours! Please visit my website: www.wholesoulsonline.org

Luke 19:40 implies that if we fail to do the things that God has for us to do that even the rocks could be made to cry out. So, on one hand, it appears that we can leave things undone and it really does not matter in the grand scheme of things. In the Old Testament, we find that Abraham tried to protect Sodom and God listened, but there were not ten righteous people. Later, Moses stood between God and the children of Israel when God was ready to do away with them and fulfill his promise through Moses instead. God listened to Moses. I do not know all of how God works, but I do believe that part of how he works is by allowing us to have an influence over the lives of other and with him.

I believe that everyone is given a chance to be saved before they die, but there are some people who have more chances than others. There are parents who pray for their children everyday. There are children who pray for their parents. In their prayers they are begging God to save their loved ones. There are a great many possibilities with God, but I think that without these prayers, some of these people may have died much sooner and may not have been saved before they died. Without someone presenting the gospel many times, a person may not have accepted it. All are without excuse, but some people have more opportunities than others.

Could a cup of coffee prevented a suicide? Only God knows. It is difficult to know what problems the woman had. The woman was married to a man who mowed the grass in a Speedo, for crying out loud. Maybe events like this are intended to be used as a wake-up call so that God can use us the next time there is a need.

We speak
God listens
God speaks
We listen
That is all that is required of us...to act on His nudges. Can we do it prefectly, NO. But, isn't GRACE delicious?!
I come from both sides. About suicide. I attempted suicide at the age of 39...after numerous losses...my mother's death, flashbacks to childhood abuse, never knowing my father--he died when I was 2, my twin brother's beating with a baseball bat, loss of 30 # in 2 months, colitis, and a host of other issues from the age of 37-39. I thought I was handling things very well...the whole grief process...I was working part-time at my church, married, raising 4 teenagers, "always smiling." Then, after 2 years of intellectualizing the grief process--it finally hit my heart! I asked God to take my life, when he did not, I overdosed on every pill I could find. And went to bed(and, yes, I was in counseling)There is such a thing as a "smiling depression." It would be impossible to know I was suicidal. I looked so put together. But, I did not feel put together. I took the pills, and went to bed. Expecting to die. I was hospitalized for 5 1/2 weeks. Completely exhausted. But, God "had other plans for my life. Plans for good..for a future and a hope." A pastor begin to just listen to my loss,heartache,familybackground . ...along with a wonderful woman counselor. I look back at that time not as a "breakdown," but as a "breakthrough." I met some of the nicest, dearest Christians--though hurting--in that hospital. The Psalms suddenly became alive to us! God uses my story/vulnerability to help other hurting women.
The other side, yes, I have failed to act on some nudges. But, God has let me know, if I miss an opportunity to act, He will use someone else. It's my choice. Do I want God's best for my life? Then, I need to be sensitive to his nudges. However, I cannot rescue everyone...or save everyone. Only God can. He is our Rock, redeemer, strong tower.

Please accord both her and her husband some respect ... and stop referring to her as Speedo Guy's wife. It's flippant and disrespectful. Perhaps in the telling of your very humbling experience, you simply could have referred to him as "my neighbor" and " my neighbor's wife".

Oh my gosh, what awesome sharing and words of wisdom. I have just read thru all the comments and am in tears...

How relevant for me too - I am having to move house soon, and can't help feeling I havn't done what God intended me to do (reached who he has wanted me to reach) while I've been here.

I pray that he will not only nudge me in the right direction, but provide me with the courage needed to follow through and share the gospel and my testimony.

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD almighty" (Zechariah 4:6)

May God continue to guide and bless you all :)

I do not have an inspiring story like yours to share, but I am encouraged and challenged by reading your post and the comments of others. It's difficult to balance learning from our mistakes and being consumed by the guilt of committing them. What strikes me about your post is not so much whether or not you could've helped, but that you missed out on an opportunity to be used by God. Ultimately, that young woman's life was in God's hands. If He wanted to save her through connecting with another woman, He would have orchestrated it.

I also love how you have depicted God's grace that He gives so abundantly to us. Despite the fact that you missed an opportunity to share His love with your neighbor, He used that very situation to shape your life...and is now using it to challenge others.

Thanks for sharing your insight. I'll definitely be paying more attention, waiting for those nudges.

thanks for the encouragement, i'll be more careful next time.

Hi Jane,

What a thought-provoking post. Would it have made a difference? We never know, but it is a reminder that the small things are usually the big things in life. Small courtesies. Waves. Hugs. A note in the mail. I forget that sometimes and your post was a powerful reminder.

As usual, TCW rocks,

one of your TCW contributors (and thankful for it) : )

Suzanne Eller

We speak
God listens
God speaks
we listen
God is so involved in our lives that He knows our fears/tears/dreams lost/opportunities lost. But, most of all, He gives us choices. Do we want God's best for our lives? or do we want so-so lives? I remember a time in my life that I felt God's call to AIDS ministry...But, I also remember Him letting me know He would use me--however, if I could not make this difficult choice...He would use somebody else. I remembered Moses reply..here am I, send aaron. And so in that moment in time, God did use aaron. My particular choice was to go forward into ministry, knowing God would work in me/and maybe even in spite of me. That decision led to 12 years of AIDS ministry. Never have I felt so alive! And chosen!

But do I mess up and not follow through with some of God's nudges? You bet. But, isn't GRACE delicious?! God always, always uses us by bringing other choices/nudges to our listening heart. Our part is to carefully listen. God does not condemn the things left undone...he knows what we are made of. We often condemn ourselves. Let's give ourselves as much grace as we are willing to give our children and grandchildren. God is our Father...we are the children.

It takes a lifetime to become the woman God intends me to be..He does His part and I'm still working on my part.

Wow! I'm impressed by the amount of comments my blog post generated. What intrigued--and encouraged me--was the fact my struggle to hear God's voice (and especially to be obedient to it when I hear it) is shared by so many of you. And the need for courage to act, even if the action seems irrational or minor or even uncomfortable. It's something I need to be continually aware of. I just read a wonderful book galley, Justice in the Burbs, by Lisa and Will Samson, which reminded me that the decisions we make--small or large--each day have a ripple effect on those around us and the world at large. In fact I recently interviewed Lisa for our November/December 2007 "TCW Talks to . . . " so stay tuned for that to appear in the pages of TCW.
And as I live today, I'm praying I'll be obedient to God's nudges.

thank you, for sharing with us your experince and making us aware of how much we missed out to help others. i have never look at it that way, never thought those kind words or just that smile or prayer would have made that much difference in some one life.
i have some time feel the nudge to pray for others and even somtime to just smile at them but have brush it off. i often thought it was my imagination or that i made it up.
i have been crying reading through the coments, n have to stop some time to go and pray for all those that i missed out and all those people out there who are hurting and needs help out there.
you know life is not just about us and having our needs met. we us christian have to share the faith, joy and peace we have in Christ with others. i guess that is the reason why GOD helps us out during our difficult times, that we will be a blessing to others.

may- ghana

Sometimes that little nudge from God is for us personally, rather than for another.

A few months ago I was worred sick about how we were going to make ends meet. I'm trying to start a business and my husband is retired (with virtually no pension), and we seemed to be OUT of resources.

So I prayed about it - trying hard to trust the Lord to provide (despite my worries). And I got a little nudge... the thought that I should check again to see if I could somehow get some emergency funds out of my Locked-In Retirement Account.

Now, I'd looked into this several months ago, and apparantly there was no way to touch the money until I turn 61 (I'm 54).

But I listened to the nudge and checked - and lo and behold, they'd changed the law a couple of months ago, and I was able to "unlock" half of the funds! Praise the Lord!

I'm still in my "school" of learning to trust the Lord, as those same unlocked funds are getting used up and I'm still a couple of weeks from getting my business open - with no guarantee it will make money, of course. But He has proved Himself trustworthy time and again - despite my fretting and worrying!

So I'm aiming to listen to His "nudges", and to trust firmly in Him no matter how nervous I get. In fact, I decided to make my first product (I'm going to be producing Christian meditation CDs) focus on this very theme: "Leaning On the Everlasting Arms: Trusting the Lord".

to the world you may be just one person, but to one person you just might be the world! Father help us to reach out to others when YOU bid us. to bad it sometimes takes a 9-11 day to soften our hearts.to bad it's now 2007 and we have gone back to our old ways.perhaps that is why those tradgidys happen?

i also had the same experience.my ex boyfriend brother was not feeling well and i had this urge to pray for him but i procrastinated.i went for a camp and i heard he was admitted to hospital and died the on 2 January 2007 and my heart was not at peace,
so now it is my encouragement to all that we should pray for guidance and if God nudges us we should act on that.
please do pray for me because sometimes it really gets me down.
anyway thanks for your blog and may the Almighty Lord bless you always.

I remember coming home one afternoon after work and finding a message on my answering machine from my sister in law (in the Phillipines). Apparently my brother had informed her that their relationship was over and she was devastated. I felt a strong nudge to call her that afternoon. It was so strong that I picked up the telephone and called her. I spoke to her encouraging her and reminding her that she is loved and that she is never alone. The next day I received an e-mail from her saying thank you for encouraging her because she had planned to commit suicide that day and that the message left on my anwering machine was actually her saying goodbye. I have to add that my husband gave me a hard time about the cost of the phone call to the Phillipines. I look back and am grateful that I did not allow the fear of my husband coming down on me for the cost of a phone call -- I told him that a person's life is worth a great deal more than what WE paid for that inspired phone call. She now seeks the Lord and trusted him with her relationship and has reconciled with my brother. AMEN

God we give you praise for seeing each and every person through these trying times and that you care enough to mold us into the people you want us to be. Lord please continue to speak to our hearts and show us when someone needs us. Please show us what is truely important in this life and what is not. Please lead us each day and help us to follow You. Lord, we are but a temple for your Holy Spirit to dwell. May we house You with respect and listen to Your voice no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time. May we know that You are in control, not us. Please show Your love to each and every person who posted on this story. Please give them peace that passes all understanding that only You can give. Lord we thank you and praise you for caring so much for us. In Jesus Holy Name we pray. Amen.

Most of the time my cell doesn't have money but one night it actually did. Before I went to bed i felt like calling a good friend of mine whom i hadn't spoken to for a while. Not previously knowing that in that short space of time God used me to encourage him during a period when he really needed it. I am so glad that i was obedient to that feeling because we never know when God wants to use us . So one thing i have learnt is to always make myself available so when ever He needs me i am there.