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Allison Althoff
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Natalie Lederhouse

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January 22, 2013

Lessons in Singleness

God has a plan for every single woman in the world.


"Every once in a while a man comes along who sparks my interest, and vice versa. Then, a funny thing sometimes happens. The more interested I become, the more I become someone else. Someone a little less opinionated, less passionate, more interested in oh, say … auto racing.

Recently I began spending time with a man in a singles gathering I attend. He's a terrific guy—he loves the Lord deeply, has a heart for people, and is actively involved in ministry. He also happens to be physically attractive, too. In our group, he's known as the most eligible bachelor around.

When this man began to pursue me, I felt all the old fears kick in. Was I pretty enough? Thin enough? Charming and talkative enough? However, instead of changing who I was to suit his taste, I began to long instead for someone to love me as is. I didn't know if he was that person, but I decided to let time reveal the mystery. And when he broke things off, I wasn't devastated. I simply felt I'd been given an answer. Though disappointed, I was content and able to let go.

God has made me the woman I am; years of being single have allowed me the opportunity to learn who this woman is
. Perhaps God allowed this brief relationship to show me the futility of trying to be someone I'm not, as I've done in previous relationships. It was so much easier and less exhausting to just be myself. I realized I'd rather be single than be with someone who wants me to be someone else. What a lifetime of hard work that would be!

God knows better than anyone who I really am. He wants a man to love me for the woman he made me to be."

Excerpted from TCW article "Lessons from Longing" by Colleen Alden.

Related Tags: Anger; Authenticity; Courage; Dreams; Faith; Fear; God's Will; Hope; Longing; Singleness


So true. I eventually found my perfect match who appreciates, respects, and encourages me continually to be the woman that I am. I discovered and grew very acquainted with the woman in my years of singleness. Looking back now, I'm grateful for that long season of singleness. I believe it prepared me to be a confident match and mate to my husband.

Thanks for the encouragement, Elvie - your story is inspiring!!

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