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January 24, 2012

Why Young Men Aren’t Manning Up

It’s difficult to turn boys to men. What to do about those who are M.I.A.

manup.jpg
Where have the good men gone? Chances are you’ve counseled a frustrated young single woman in your church who has asked you this question. Or perhaps you’ve asked it yourself. This question is the catalyst for Kay Hymowitz’s book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, an indepth analysis of the state of the average middle-class American male in his twenties.

By her analysis, he has simply decided to remain a “pre-adult,” stuck between adolescence and adulthood. After reading her book it’s easy to understand why. In a nutshell, women, who graduate college in greater percentages (earning more degrees by a ratio of nearly 3:2) and with higher GPAs than men on average, are quickly making up ground in our current “knowledge economy,” which places a premium on educational credentials. While young women have been energized by historic, unprecedented opportunities for a self-supporting career in the workplace, young men have been gradually shrinking from adult responsibilities such as marriage, job, and family in favor of entertainment and diversion.

It’s an argument in the vein of Hannah Rosin’s seminal article for The Atlantic, “The End of Men,” and was recently picked up by William J. Bennett, author of The Book of Man. Their solution is invariably that men should simply man up, take responsibility, get married, adapt to the changing cultural environment.

But this assumes that young men have a motivation to “man up.” These authors underestimate the self-perceived freedom of “child-men” (as Hymowitz labels them). And they won’t easily give it up. Young men are being shaped by prolonged adolescence and perceived obsolescence, and powerful social forces are at work to keep them that way.

For instance, a much-publicized Relevant magazine article highlighted a study that found 80 percent of evangelical Christians have had premarital sex, slightly below the 88 percent mark of society at large. Sex is readily available and as a motivator for pursuing marriage seems all but off the table. Fear of divorce further undermines the draw of marriage.

For another example, I’ve already hinted at the fact that the current growth sectors of the job market are geared more to the skills of women. In addition, average college loan debt post-college is more than $25,000, so even men with their act together often must delay taking on the added financial burdens of home and family. Women, despite their newfound financial independence, still expect to marry up. Many young men, unable to handle adult expectations, have simply chosen not to try.

They’ve been rewarded for throwing in the towel with a hook-up culture skewed in their favor, a growing buffet of man-centric entertainment, and a plunging limbo bar of social expectations. And—paradoxically in the current market—they have a relatively high amount of disposable income to play around with, and no financial obligations but the ones they choose. Man up? Are you kidding?

The path to responsible manhood is not easy and staying a boy is. Battling Captain Hook with the Lost Boys (or playing hours of Call of Duty) is thrilling. Taking on a mortgage and responsibility for the livelihood of others is frightening. If the modern world is beating him down, at least he can be the hero of his own fantasy world. Judging by portrayals of men in the popular media, they don’t expect much of him anyway.

So where does that leave us? I’ve given lots of thought to the subject at hand. You see, I’m a 27-year-old single male. After reading Manning Up, I was left with a hollow “what now?” type feeling. Hymowitz does an excellent job of diagnosing the problem, but telling young men to “man up” without providing the means just isn’t gonna cut it.

The key to our salvation is breaking the cycle. We humans learn by example. Young men have been cut adrift to carve out a path for themselves with only the media to guide them. The past decades have seen older women blazing trails for younger women and bestowing them with a sense of legacy. Men need other men to exemplify masculinity: a robust, noble, responsible masculinity. Older, wiser men must walk beside younger men in a Titus 2:6–7 manner, encouraging them to show integrity and self-control.

I would be remiss not to mention Jesus here. I know that his story has been hijacked to promote whatever version of masculinity is in vogue to the point that our vision of him is schizophrenic. But I also believe that men who are patient enough to hear what he said and dedicate themselves to following him will find no greater example of what it means to be a man. Furthermore, his death and resurrection set us free to move out from under the shadow of Adam’s sin and brokenness and into the light (Romans 5) of wholeness.

So what can women do to help the “man-boys” grow up? It starts with being part of the solution and not the problem. As tempting as it may be, resist the temptation to join the man-bashing bandwagon. Even when said sarcastically, these remarks undermine attempts of young men to put themselves together and reinforce the stigmas attached to them. Sure, maybe he dresses like a bachelor and cooks like a bachelor, but at least he’s putting forth an effort (if he really is).

On the positive side, encourage winsome qualities in him. When he shows initiative, point it out. Depending on the depth of your relationship with him, when he’s dropping the ball, lovingly let him know, and give him a chance to fix things. If possible, connect him with an older guy you respect who can mentor him, or at least become someone he can model his life after.

So where have the good men gone? They’re closer than you might think. They just don’t know it yet.

Jonathan Sprowl is assistant editor of Men of Integrity magazine.

Related Tags: marriage, men, society

Comments

This is a true problem, and probably more so for men, I also see it in young women. There is a clear lack of leadership, discipleship, and mentoring starting with teenage/young adult parenting and then of course moving into the church and ministry. There is a clear need for defined and intentional mentoring for young adult men and women. As our culture lacks to recognize more and more the need for unified, strong marriages and families as a foundation for the solution to cultural problems, I think it will become harder for young men and women to "man and woman up". The church as a whole has to begin to be extremely more intentional with discipleship of parents in how to teach and guide their young adult children and with young adults as they move further from the nest through mentorship opportunties.

Wonderful....So clearly put.....We've taken away the social pressure to mature and expand into the phases of life that require massive spiritual growth. So many young men are searching to find out where they fit in and we're losing too many of them to hopelessness. We have to seek them out and mentor them throughout their journey.

Would CT consider a blog for young Christian men?

And when the young man chooses to cast aside his faith in favor of some self-concocted, nondemanding image of God...

...what then?

Well spoken. One point briefly made, "Judging by portrayals of men in the popular media, they don’t expect much of him anyway." is actually an understatement. I have been struck recently by the barrage of commercials that present fathers as dolts or the "child-men" you mention. The message is that there are no men at all, just unmarried "child-men" and married "child-men." That is a pernicious vision of dispair to which Jonathan's thoughtful call is a welcome counter.

Good words, Jonathan. Thanks for writing about this thoughtfully and from your perspective in the eye of the storm. There is hope, as you've pointed out. I think our responsibility as women is to expect more from young men and to treat them as if we believe they can live up to those expectations.

There's one question I rarely see addressed in all these "boy-man-prolonged-adolescence-man-up-step-up-wimpy-childman-where-have-all-the-men-gone" articles and speeches and sermons and books.

What's in it for the men?

Men have two basic emotional needs: To feel respected, and to feel competent. You're not offering him anything here towards either. Rather, you're telling him you don't respect him (because he won't "man up"), and he's not competent (because he's not doing all the right things YOU deem necessary for "manhood").

In other words, your evaluation of his manhood is based on performance. But that's not what God has to say.

Check out Judges, chapter 6. Gideon is threshing wheat in a winepress, hiding from the Midianites. The Angel of the Lord appears to him. What does the Angel say?

"Man up, you louse! You're supposed to be protecting God's people! Why won't you grow up and accept real manly responsibilities? You're needed! Get it together!"

Uh ... no.

Rather, He says, "Greetings, mighty man of courage!"

What would happen if, instead of pointing out everything men are doing WRONG, ministries started with the basic assumption that men are capable of doing something RIGHT ... and showed respect, honor, and trust in them

Singleness has nothing to do with immaturity and marriage has nothing to do with maturity. I get the feeling that especially older, like 30+ singles are considered less mature than married people. That is simply not correct. Being mature as a single does not guarantee that you will ever marry. Being immature does not guarantee you will stay single until you grow up if ever. As a single you must do lots of things on your own, while married people can ask their spouses. Most singles do not want to have to call someone all the time if something difficult must be done. That also makes you more mature as a single.

Because that definition of manning up ends up burning men who end up having their assets and kids taken when divorce comes. Because the woman just isn't feeling happy.
"After all 90% of divorces are initiated by women"

-Bob Geldof

So why bother manning up if all that happens is marriage to a shrew that deny you sex in marriage and can divorce you on a whim whenever she wants to?

Because men get burned as a result of no fault divorce just because women aren't happy "90% of which are initiated by women"

-bob geldof

Then other men look and think why bother?

Good article. While on the one hand women's equality in the workplace and other areas has been well deserved there has also been an undercurrent of feminism created that emasculates men in virtually all areas including relationships and the home. If a man is exhibits even a healthy masculinity he is labeled an made a target.
Is he not manning up to your satisfaction? Then cut his legs out from under him! (to put it nicely) The tables have turned to where many women now treat men, and other women for that matter, as not being their equals.
"She can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan..." This culture has brainwashed many men, and women, to the point that a marriage, home and family is way down the list of their priorities.

This seems quite interesting. As far as I know, girls don't need special attention in order to make the transition from being girls to being women -- but apparently boys can't develop maturity without a special program of some sort? Do they lack an inner drive? Do they lack self motivation or are unable to demonstrate commitment and initiative and discpline? Yet, we're constantly being told that these males -- the ones who are having trouble putting down the video game controls -- are the ones who are supposed to be the "leaders"? If they are not fit for leadership, they certainly should not be put in leadership positions.

There is a mis-conception that marriage makes you mature; it does not. I have been married for 22 years. My wife and I were married when I was 22 and I definitely wish I had waited. I never had time to enjoy my life before I was neck deep in responsibility. It hasn't been easy and I wouldn't do it over again. I have a son who I know one day he will probably want to get married but I am not excited about it at all. I have watched over the years as men have been treated more and more as unnecessary. Our society has taught women that they don't need men and they bring this attitude into marriage. Wives now expect their husbands to work full-time, help with the house work and kids (which is a good thing), love her the way Christ loved the church, make sure she is able to spend time with her girl-friends, but God forbid he ever wants to do something that does not involve her and the kids. Prior to the feminist revolution there was no balance in marriage. The responsibility for domestic life was solely the woman's. Now the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Young men don't need special attention to become mature, what they need is to be needed. When you tell them they aren't necessary, they act accordingly. Also, what are the real benefits of being married? A wife who doesn't want to have sex, a mortgage, car payments, never being appreciated, the Church telling you to man-up and a feeling of perpetual inadequacy. Sounds like good reasons to get married to me.

I am saddened to read of all the bitterness on both sides. I'm old enough to have watched the cultural changes. I share as one who has been married almost 48 years to a godly man who has encouraged me use the gifts God has given me. I know what a blessed marriage is.
The biggest change I have seen is the most intimate physical relationship is given away so freely often in a very casual way. This has changed everything. There was a time when sex was saved for marriage. It was a precious intimate gift you gave to each other after the wedding vows. It was a culmination of friendship and love and the beginning of God joining you together body and soul as one.
Why should men mature and desire to lead a family in a godly way? They can get fun, games, and sex without any responsibility. When I was younger, often an immature young man "got it together" when he fell in love and desired to get married and establish a home.
For those who commented on their unhappy marriages, it could be SO much better. I hope you won't settle for less than the best. See a marriage counselor before you raise another generation who will be bitter after watching their parents' loveless marriage.

From where does the idea come that giving women dignity in the form of equal access to education, respect and equivalent earnings in the workplace, and the opportunity for financial independence that means they don't NEED a man to survive somehow is the reason behind the prolonged boyhood we now see in Western societies? Could it not be that the reason is simple economics: the relative wealth of families that means a young man's income is not necessary to family survival, that marriage and children are not necessary to provide a sound economic picture, and that boy-toys are so much more available and affordable?

it's real simple. it's called discipleship, and it begins when men are given a compelling vision of what their life on journey with Christ could be like. they must be given a mission

When men are presented with this Biblical vision, and not made to sit through Sunday sermons which appeal to the feminine and music which would be better played on some daytime soap opera, they generally come out and join in mission. though i am somewhat creating a caricature, consider the lyrics to this very popular modern worship song:

"Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace..."

just what i, as a red-blooded man, want my boys to be seeing me sing on Sunday morning.

if you have men who are joining in mission, the mission will naturally include discipleship. discipleship is what makes boys into men. the torch gets passed, so-to-speak.

unfortunately in the US we have a predominantly feminized church culture which has as its primary targets women and children where men, especially single men, are seen as second-class. until this changes, we are going to continue to see boys stay boys.

Here's the issue, and Mr. Sprowl alludes to it in part.

Women have multiple messages on man bashing, on how not (in my view) to be a Biblical woman. Men (of any age) have almost no message(s) encouraging them to be men. Not from the church certainly, not from most media, and sadly not from most men.

I'm not sure men are "closer than you think."

The comments are the saddest thing about the entire article. The who are married and feel unloved and unneeded are really pitiful. I always have a really hard time listening to women complain about their husbands when they tell me they never want to be intimate with Them-- especially if they aren't intimate very often. Then, they wonder, why he struggles with lust and doesn't find joy in being her slave.I wonder why so women get married. Yet, many of them have told me...they want children and someone to be a couple to do things with like other people . Seriously? I have had more than one person tell me that!,, ( I am a minister' s wife). Then there are the wives of the irresponsible men who do not care for their families. My heart breaks for the wife and even mor, the children and the long term effect it is having on them. Come quickly , Dear Lord.

Why not start a men's blog CT? I mean, this is the second article I have seen in the last week on the bad side of men on a woman's blog, and it feels kind of funny having to go to a woman's blog for men like me to address these problems. Yes, there are men who won't grow up, but growing up doesn't mean that they have to buy a house, earn 100K a year, and keep their wife at home to raise their 2.4 kids behind a white picket fence. There are men out there who are mature that don't make a boatload of money and cannot afford a home, and yet would still make great husbands.

Furthermore, how's about Kyria or Hermenutics writing an article about the GOOD side of men? Or, would you struggle with coming up with material? I am sure you will delete this post like you deleted my last post, but there are people out there tired of the implicit male-bashing.

Some readers have identified it, others are ignorant of it, but one of the major factors - but not the only one - contributing to male underachievement is the constant bashing and innuendo that even where men are committed to family and their spouses, their best is not good enough. Added to that we see in wider culture, that men who have achieved much financially whether through sports, business or academics and yet fail in the marriage relationships are made to pay far beyond anything that is fair to their spouses. Men need affirmation too and an equitable justice system.

Agree on the challenge of our 18-30 year-old guys. What's is missing is a true attribute of who is responsible. Young men are largely lost because their Father's are not leading them. Where leading isn't telling them to Man-Up! Leading in the model of Christ is being a servant to them to guide them in their path. My guess is that none of the young men really want to stay adolescent, they don't know anything but. I speak from experience as a 61 year old father of two girls (19 and 22) who just recently "adopted" a young man of 24 as my son. He had an interesting perspective on me being his "Dad" later. He was looking for a Dad (his was MIA), but he didn't think it was either his responsibility or he was capable of understanding what a "Dad" was. He allowed me to be his "Dad" because I confidently told him I was going to do it. I suggest the Dads out there "Man Up" and lead!

This article unfortunately can do more damage than good. It does not at all tackle the central issues of 'manhood'. It's hard to type this without being so infuriated and misunderstood on such imperative issues as this. I won't digress, I'll expand, and hopefully you'll understand. See we first make the mistake by trying to qualify any individual without diagnosing the society. You can't say 'there's a lack of manly men' without addressing how we've taught, instructed, and set standards from the parents to the youth. Ask yourselves what has this system done for the youth that would help them attain manship? Have they educated us? Umm how about the fact that tuition price for college have risen 900% since the 1970s. What did we learn in public school that would apply in the real world?

Did we learn how to be good stewards from our families? 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce in many populated areas, welfare and state benefits have reached depression-era stats, and the family is all but destroyed by massive shifts in feminism, where women don't even feel the NEED to be with me. Let me also add that when people act like Jesus, and I mean TRULY do, THEY GET KILLED! don't you see that he and others who spoke out to what's really happening in society get assassinated!?

You know what being Jesus-like would mean right now? It would mean exposing the insane corruption of government, which taxes everyone for perpetual wars and feeds the rich, military industrial complex and state dependency. This AUTOMATICALLY means that people would need to abandon the documentation associated with corrupt governments and re-create their own sovereignty through skill and their own documentation. Jail time anyone? How about trying to create your own money and means of trade; do you think the government would allow you to do this? Do you think for a second that if you tried to really man up, in the true sense of these terms, that you would just be en route to a more lucrative life? 

How's a young man supposed to take care of his family and feel adequate when he can't get paid at least enough to provide his basic needs, which is precisely a connection with adolescenthood, not being able to feed, clothe, bathe, and shelter oneself. If you're not even going to tackle the real issues of life and what's happening in our age (wow I won't even go on the tangent of how ridiculous religions have gotten, and been exposed as being more of the same than they are different, yet we can't seem to let go of these boundaries). People want to talk about manning up, well how can you expect that when you don't even speak on the realities of life we're now facing? No one's talking about the fact that when the rich make their moves and change everyone's life around, that it has a trickle down reactionary effect. Politics, inflation, monetary policies, wars, religions, all these come together to deter young men and women from being natural beings and associating with real life opportunities.

MAN UP!? Why don't we start talking about real issues first, then we can address what the words 'man up' mean.

I work with a lot of guys who are written off by some male church leadership not because they don't financially support themselves, but because they are players. I'd like to see that attitude change and have male leadership reach out and mentor these guys in the workplace when they can rather than abandoning them as hopeless. Right now, I feel like I'm the only one trying to direct them and recognizing that like everyone else, they are multifaceted and vulnerable, but a slightly older single woman is not the most appropriate mentor. I do like these guys as people but I do it for my slightly younger single female friends.

If we are going to analyze why SOME men won't grow up, or "Man Up", I think we need to analyze what we are talking about. Is the growing up referring to spirituality or just their utility to women, children, and society? It seems like these articles only are referring to a man's usefulness to our society with only a passing reference to spiritual maturity. I would like to see these articles (on a MEN's blog CT..hint hint) discriminate between the two and offer HELPFUL counsel, not just ridicule, satire (see picture at beginning of this article), or condescension. How about some profiles of what a mature (spiritually and socially) man looks like?

The "man boy" issue is only half the problem, the rest of them are so confused about their roles that think they are homosexual.

Next time you watch an advertisment on tv watch how the man is portrayed. He is usually a pictured as clueless and only the wife is smart. The children in the ad do not respect him and he usually has nothing intelligent to say. The media and marketing people inundate us with this tripe for hours daily and we now wonder why women and society have no respect for young men? Along with feminism and divorce courts that favor the poor woman is it no wonder that men just chuch being responsible and opt for having a good time? The advertising industry and movies have a lot to do with why men are not respected. Why should anyone "man up" when the cards are stacked against him?

Baby boys are raised nowadays like baby girls by most even Christian mothers. Sadly than baby girls end up sort what is called macho-women. Yes, the modern mothers even compete with their husbands in the public arena once the stronghold of men. Yes, babies are daily handed to strangers to raise them so that mothers can keep up with their profession. Just take a look at politics, and find so many young ladies as political advisers, etc., etc., etc. And yes, how about the newsmedia? You turn on the TV and there you have more and more young women, and hardly any young men. Yes, once upon a time little boys played with trucks, with hammers, etc., and yes girls played with dolls etc., right? And greatly to blame the way we raise our children that so many end up homosexuals and lesbians because, they were never trained to be boys or girls. End of my conviction as a grandpa!

Many of these comments seem to be bashing young females who seem to have no need for young men. As a young female, I can certainly say that it is not necessarily that females want the roles they have acquired. The problem is, many young females have to make their own way early in life. We work to make money, because we have to. Many women don't look at marriage as something great either, because if they follow the teachings of the Bible, they are supposed to give leadership of the family to their husbands. Which would be fine if husbands would take on the responsibility of that leadership. Often those men are not stepping up to take the leadership responsibilities. Women are expected to work full-time jobs outside of the home, and also often be the primary care-givers to their children (I understand this is not all marriages). The fact is, as a young female looking at marriage, often all I see is double the responsibility that I currently have, especially if I am still expected to be the primary household earner even during any pregnancy or while taking care of the kids, but yet I am supposed to hand over the leadership role to a man who works 40 hours a week, but doesn't do anything once he comes home? I would love for a man to actually be responsible. That would definitely earn my respect.

Nathan - aren't most people who produce commercials and movies men? Your complaint is against other men.

Ever increasing numbers of men have consciously or sub-consciously carried out the cost vs benefit analysis and arrived at a perfectly rational decision to not get married or start families.

In winning the 'freedom' and 'rights' of women, feminism as with any social movement has brought about unintended consequences including:

Liberating men from traditional responsibilities.
Increasing the relative cost for men to get married (when the exit costs are also considered)
Reducing the status, benefits and incentives for men to marry or fully participate in society.
Increasing the amount of indirect wealth transfer from men to women via inefficient government.

Men are expected to ignore all of the above and 'man-up' based on female imperative, shaming language and nagging.

Although some men do respond to shaming tactics, most men are much more responsive to incentives.

We (married with two kids) moved into a nerw estate 6 years ago. In our street of 15 houses since then 5 couples (most with kids) have divorced. The unmarried couples are still going strong. Every single one of the divorces were initiated by the women who were unsatisfied or unhappy in some way (no domestic violence or anything violent). Women got kids and houses, men moved to small flats. I am not saying that making the women leave would make the situation any better, but certainly no incentive to get married for young men. (I live in Europe but the phenomenon seems to be international).

I am an American man, and I have decided to never marry an American woman. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden contact

5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

Another reason to never marry or have children with an American woman: 60 percent of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN to children, according to US Government statistics. Therefore, the majority of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN. Also, did you know that 1 out of 4 women in America take psychiatric drugs for mental disorders? Yes, AMERICAN WOMEN ARE INSANE! Oh, and just one more interesting fact- 70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers. Single mothers produce future criminals. Criminals destroy society. Thus, feminism destroys society.

When confronted with this evidence, American/western women will deny any responsibility for their own criminal actions and behaviors, and will attack the man who is presenting these facts and evidences. This is proof that American/western women are a bunch of liars, hypocrites, and criminals. They REFUSE to accept the FACT that they have destroyed tens of millions of men's lives and ruined the lives of millions of children as well. It is because American/western women have become sociopathic man-haters. Far from being "equal" to men, American/western women can't even take responsibility for their own actions, which is the trait of any normal adult. Thus, American/western women are just a bunch of spoiled little children. They are NOT equal to men. American women REFUSE to accept the truth of how evil and vile they have become. American/western women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess. In fact, you American/western women are the most hideous, disgusting, monstrous creatures on the face of the earth.

Another thing I noticed, is that whenever you bring up the topic of western men marrying asian women in front of an American/western woman, she will make some racist and hateful comment about asian women, calling them "slaves" or "mail order brides". My question is this: If American/western women are so "independent", "confident", "strong", and "empowered" like they claim to be, why do they feel threatened by Asian women? Why are American/western women so jealous towards Asian women? The real reason is this- Asian women are 1000 times superior to American/western women, and any western man who has dated/married an Asian woman will tell you this.

Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.

NEVER MARRY AN AMERICAN OR WESTERN WOMAN! BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

John Rambo-

Your post contains a lot of information that seems to attack ALL American women, and I think that is unfair. However, I have to agree that some if not many fit your description. As an American woman, I apologize to you for the experiences you have had or watched occur. It is very disheartening and sad. Please do not write off all American women, though. There are many out there that do not look anything like this description. I pray God leads you to a godly wonderful woman who regardless of her nationality is nothing like this description.

This is a terrible article, completely one sided, and complete biased. Why are you encouraging men to man up, and get married, when the system is against them on every corner. What do you have against men and setting them up?

It seems like most men are just overwhelmed and perhaps feel like the forces are against them. I can remember as a young man, dating women was difficult. It seemed like their standards were quite high and expectations were as well. There was so much pressure at this time that being single and dating was far from fun.

I can remember feeling like I was always on a job interview. I think the general feeling that most young men are experiencing is resentment or a sense of being jaded.

Why would men 'man-up', 'step up' or do anything similar to that in this day and age, in this toxic legal environment, when 50% of the marriages end, men lose custody of their children and in many states have to financially support another adult? The incentives for men to cater to women are not longer there and many men will step down to a life with friends, hobbies, vacations, a paid off house, a paid off car and a life of travel, while others will save their money and eventually leave the country - they might marry in another culture where the value of men and family for life hasn't been tossed in the dumpster.

Why don't men man up?

Listen ladies. Because women are not worth it.

Agree not worth it.

"But this assumes that young men have a motivation to 'man up'."

That pretty much sums it up right there... what's in it for me? A 32-year old "career woman" whose biological clock is expiring and who's had 15 past sexual partners? To sign a BAD contract where she gets everything and I have to pay for it? Please...

I'll take video games and freedom over nagging and divorce court any day.

Manning up is not sensible. You are taking on burden and trouble with no adequate reward for your risk.

The modern family is a woman and her children. The head of the family is the government. A man is simply an income. A resource to be exploited. He is considered superfluous and will be removed at the first request of the woman. Then he will live a life of servitude upon pain of imprisonment. Why should men care about a family? Young men should reject fatherhood and familial responsibility.

There are many reasons why fewer men care about ambition or making tons of money or starting a family or committing to a woman. One thing is sure, society gets the men it deserves. It does, because society constructs the men it gets. It seems like society deserves uninterested slackers.

Here's the problem. You have provided the problem or the 'what'. You have provided a possible method or 'how'. But you and everyone who writes these 'man-up' articles conveniently leave out the 'why'. In other words, why should a man, 'man-up'? Why should he fix anything? Why don't women fix their own problems? If they are so independent and creative and intelligent, why don't they fix their own problems?

You see, the problem is that you are running up against a wall here. Men are, for the most part, logical creatures. With the exception of a beautiful woman most men apply a sort of logical rigor to their decision-making. It may not always be sound logic, but it is a logic that we apply to situations. So if we see things that don't make sense, we don't do it. We don't respond as well to emotional logic arguments like "women need us to man up!" or "You're not doing your job....man up!" Our question becomes "why???"

And so far the answers being provided are wholly unsatisfactory. Let's look at the numbers shall we? 40-50% of all new marriages end in divorce. That's a fifty-fifty chance of failure, bub. Now that alone wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that, 97% of alimony and child support is paid by men. These are mandatory payments based on your divorce case that you can go to jail for not paying.

Women manipulate their children in order to punish the man for some perceived or actual slight. Women can take half your assets and still play the victim. Are you starting to see the picture? I've just provided a 'why not' on why men shouldn't 'man up'. Because its financially, emotionally and physically ruinous. Why should I attach myself legally to some chick while waiting for the sword of Damoclese to drop? Why not enjoy my life and have fun and be happy (a concept that women don't seem to grasp easily as about 50% of American women are on some sort of medication).

The truth is, author, that women do not bring value to a man's life. They detract from it. Aside from being nice to look at and fun to have sex with, they very rarely are worth the permanent increase in expenditures, emotions, drama and anger. Trust me, I've been in several relationships and know this for a fact. I haven't had an argument in 9 months. I haven't needed to raise my voice at another human being in as long.

Its a wonderful life. Very peaceful. With women, this is guaranteed to be destroyed because women love drama. They love to feel like they're important and the center of attention so they do things (consciously or otherwise) to make this happen which invariably pisses off people like their bfs.

They do all this, while bringing little to the relationship at all besides a warm body, and lets face it, you can get that for free these days.

This is garbage. we are disillusioned by the entitled (princess still has to marry up doncha know) modern female and a society that devalues us and tells us that we are useless or violent.
We don't marry because we have seen the results of generation after generation of men destroyed in family court by wives (who file for divorce at least 70% of the time after the man has paid for the wedding)who then alienate the father from the child and take as much money as they possibly can.

We were raised by these voluntary single mothers who didn't treat us right and poorly educated by a female education system that tells us we are privileged monsters and women are all victims.

And now that there are no jobs we are being told it's the end of men.

Thanks for that.

I rather thought this would be a Christian discussion - - I am a wife (pastor's wife) and mother to three grown children. My youngest daughter does feel as though there are not many men who stick to the Biblical ideal of a man who will protect and provide for his house. She is not a tramp and we know several other good girls (not drama queens) who are still "ladies in waiting". We see lots of guys with church background who fall flat when it comes to keeping a job or being leaders. They just want to be "good ol boys", and their spiritual leadership and financial leadership are sadly lacking. My husband and son are both spiritual leaders and financial supporters, and we know many men who are fine men. But many in the younger generation appear too satisfied to have women "lead the way" and then complain about domineering women. This is not meant to bash men - - this is meant to challenge them to a more Biblical ideal. (Yes, my daughter can clean a house though her cooking could use some work - lol!)

Why does no-one ever ask where all the good women are? So what's a good woman?

Well: half of all marriages end in divorce. Most of these divorces are filed for by the woman. Men want to avoid this fate.

A woman's chances of having a divorce skyrockets in proportion to the number of sexual partners she has had. It's that simple. Sluttery makes a woman unfit for marriage, makes a woman unable to pair-bond. And that means paying child support and seeing your kids for four hours every other week. (if they rally are yours, of course).

So next time a nice young christian girl comes in complaining that Jesus hasn't found her a husband, find out how much she's had up her. If she's never married and the number is more than zero, break the bad news to her as delicately as possible.

"So what can women do to help the “man-boys” grow up?"

Where to start, stopping the "shaming language"first
maybe...we men now only see that as argument from
weakness anyway...and its disrespectful to boot.

Want "good men"...seriously? It easy but you will NEVER
do it...notever.

- End no-fault divorce.
- Make paternity fraud a felony as it
should be.
- Joint custody now automatic and if either
parent takes the kid(s) across state lines
without consent from the other parent...prison
time.
- No alimony, for EITHER sex. You walk away
from your marriage vows then don;t expect to
be rewarded for it...as women are now.

Thats a small start...but it will never happen
and its way too late anyway. 50 years of feminist
devastation has destroyed marriage and its time for
Mr.Sprowl to accept that reality...and the marriage
strike.

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